Some of my current
- Happy Husband
- Trying to conceive (and failing miserably)
- Lamenting with fellow BLMs about missing our babies and ttc
- Eating delicious food
Trying to make lemonade out of sour lemons, I might actually be doing something I love this fall! It's not in stone yet, but it seems promising considering they are asking me back to teach. Rather than going back to the elementary/middle school classroom (which I'll still sub for), I'll be able to teach again specifically targeting my greatest teaching passion. I think that's what I needed. I needed something to come up that would allow me to teach, but not something that would inhibit the ability to get pregnant again... if that'll ever happen. Y'all know the reason I don't want to go back to the classroom full time right now. Because in the event that I do happen to give birth to a live baby (ever? ever???), I WILL be taking that time to tend to that child. It's not something I'd be willing to negotiate. I'd eat beans and rice for the rest of my life if that meant I'd have the chance to be a mom who is present with her children. Not that we have that concern, but I'm just going extreme and all superlative on you for effect.
It's helpful that my husband has been hoping I'd find something I'm passionate about in the interim and this is definitely checking that box. Yay. I have purpose and might actually help impact student lives for the better. I've almost forgotten what that feels like. And it sort of helps knowing that even if Andrew were here and alive right now, I'd still probably be teaching this course. I'm not teaching because he's gone, but because it's a passion and will remain so. It's nice to know that my grief isn't getting in the way of feeling passionate about something other than being a mom.
In other (food related) news, a friend dropped by a loaf of bread she baked. She lived in France for awhile and since we also have our own European living experience, we share a love for delicious bread. It's something the United States doesn't fully grasp. Europeans would never buy American sliced bread and scoff at our interest to do so. They sell it there and refer to it as American toast. It practically rots on the shelves. And to think food wouldn't be part of this post. It's now been mentioned twice. Cause you know, it's a passion. :)
Unrelated update: Also, I deactivated my facebook account. I can't take it anymore. The pictures of adorable babies and cutesy comments are maddening. Time for a mental break. That, and a former friend emailed my husband trying to contact me and said she saw me in a picture looking pregnant and if so, she's SO happy for us. Don't have the heart to tell her that the picture was taken last September. When Andrew was alive and my dreams of mothering that little nugget weren't dead either.
But can I get a yahooooo for at least some gems of happiness here and there?