I think since Andrew died, I've been able to see possible, but unlikely scenarios flash before me that I would have never considered if he were alive today.
I was vacuuming recently and Benjamin was at a playdate at a preschool friend's house. I turned around and saw Claire chewing on the vacuum cord.
Right then, I immediately went there, planning the execution of how it would go down when I rushed her body to the emergency room and what I would say on my frantic call to his preschool friend's mom. I even envisioned pictures of the interior of that emergency room (we'd been to 4 months ago when Claire spiked a 104+ fever).
All of this was considered in a matter of 5 seconds. I hate that the worst-case scenario always turns into a neon flashing sign in my head.
Phew. It's been a heavy few months around here.
I hear you! I flinch a lot in the car! I have bad startle reflex and now with a baby added it's worse! Just when I think I'm over it and the PTSD has settled...bam another occurance of something happens! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya, it is scary how easy it is to go there. And scary that I almost feel like I know better what to do when the world falls apart than I do when things are great. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. xoxo
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