Book Review: Here I Go Again

Wow. Here I Go Again was not what I expected. It's clear Jen Lancaster has enough wit and hilarity to keep her audience laughing... and laughing I did. I expected the book to be more mature considering the age of the main character in her late 30's, but I was mildly surprised by her character flaws that reminded me of an adult version of Mean Girls.

I nearly got sweaty palms reading about her high school experiences and those whose lives were ruined by her snarky comments. I felt a little like some of those characters and it brought me back to middle school when I left school crying because girls. are. mean. In some ways, Jen Lancaster knew this and I was vindicated by the transformation in the lead character as the story progressed. She brings amusement with her incredible pop-culture wit that even had me brushing up on my latest (and past) pop stars and shorthand for phrases tweens use everyday. KWIM?

Definitely a light read and funny at that. While not my typical chosen genre, it did give me something to laugh about after my not-so-fun Shred workout for the last couple weeks each night before bed. I'm not sure it challenged the brain cells much, but it definitely left me chuckling and desperately wanting to know how it all pans out for the snarky teenager, I mean, full grown woman. Good poolside read for sure.

I received a free book and was compensated for this BlogHer Club book review, but all opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to check out discussions on BlogHer about the book, go here. I'll be discussing there. 

Foodie Resolution Week #5 of 52: Vegetable Tamale Pie

I like polenta. I just don't love it. But I still continue to try and try to make the perfect polenta recipe that just knocks my socks off. This one wasn't it.

It was good, but not amazing. I'd eat it again, but... you know.

But in true not-gonna-waste-food-because-there-are-starving-kids-in-Africa Brandy style, I will finish the rest of that bag of polenta. Now send me your recipes. I need inspiration. And here was dinner tonight:

I used some of the sprouted pintos I'd frozen from a couple weeks ago in the recipe. Benjamin's was made without cheese because we only had pepper jack and he doesn't appear to love cheese just yet. That'll change. We all know.

Some additions/changes I made:

• Added diced poblanos & green bell pepper
• Didn't have canned tomatoes, so I used 3 small roma tomatoes instead
• Pepper Jack cheese only
• Added crushed tortilla chips because I thought it needed a crunch {and I liked it}
• Instead of sour cream, I used about 1/4 cup of Greek yogurt + a touch of taco seasoning & finely diced cilantro. I think it would've been better with pureed cilantro, but it was definitely good and considerably healthier than sour cream. 

I had leftover filling that I'll use in enchiladas at some point. I froze the filling to use later. This recipe was done entirely while either holding a little boy or watching him whine at my feet. 

Inspiration

There was a cute point where I was holding him while the polenta was low boiling and making bubbles on the stove that sounded a little like a clucking sound. He noticed the sound, smiled, chuckled a bit and then started to cluck to emulate the noise he was hearing and seeing in the pot! Boy is it fun watching him grow and develop. 

Next week's recipe will be for Super Bowl Sunday and I'm pretty excited about making it. Until next week.

Weekend Recap

It's over.

Man, why does it have to be over?

I guess the only thing good about it being over is that we are one day further in the dreaded Shred and one day closer to the end. Today actually delivered temperatures well above freezing and a nice, long walk with the jogger. And Mondays? Means swim days and Chipotle for dinner. It's sort of our Monday tradition. At least for the next three until they end.

This weekend, we were social and fun and those people who actually have adult conversation while dressed nicely and sipping libations. More weekend thoughts and facts:

• Ray tried haggis for the first time ever. And liked it enough to eat a decent portion.
• We brought B to our friends' house and put him down to sleep in their bedroom. When we left four hours later, he transferred just fine into his crib (until he woke 3 hours later for milk). 
• I forgot to breastfeed many times this weekend. B is just such a mover now and when he does feed, he's so distracted and ready to get up and move about his toys. I don't think I'll be feeding much past a year.
• We sipped both Johnny Walker Blue Label & Glenmorangie Signet and had fun doing it.
• Ate traditional Scottish food at our first Burns Supper, served by our new neighborhood friends. 
• Was reminded of my Scottish roommates I lived with for about 4 years before marrying.
• Went to both Whole Foods & Costco and left with tofu from both places {B loves his tofu}.
• Consumed far too many Costco samples.
• B was finally allowed in the fridge for a full inspection. He has been bolting across the floor every time I open it for anything ever since he learned to crawl. Every day, I shut him out with fury. This weekend, we turned it off for a few and let him have at it. He took out avocado because he loves his avocado.
• Bought a new basket for our living room from World Market. Those sneaky punks sent us a 49% off coupon and wouldn't allow us to use on the basket, but bought it anyway. They won at their own game. We placed it on the right side of the TV. The basket on left side of the console is from Target.
• Put B in his first pair of solid shoes and he tried desperately to shake them off. Keens, naturally. We're kind of hippies. He still doesn't quite fill out a size 4. Shrimp baby.
• Watched my husband be blindfolded and hit a man wearing a kilt with a newspaper (also see notes about Johnny Walker, Glenmorangie & Scottish dinner). Fun fact: my former roommate wore a kilt to our wedding.
• Made a reservation to take B to hibachi this week.
• Sat on Molly's couch at Costco.

So much more, of course. Photos from some of the above vignettes:

Foodie Resolution Week #4 of 52: BBQ Salad

This recipe was adapted from two different recipes I found. Things are pretty pathetic around here, you guys. My body wasn't made to handle the heart of winter where wind chills are below zero. I'm a wuss. I'm not trying to be strong. As a result, the thought of putting Benjamin in his snowsuit and driving 1.5 miles to the grocery store is literally a daunting task. Hence the lack of fresh fruits and vegetables in our house... which makes this whole goal of trying a new recipe each week challenging.

Enough complaining. I made it happen. I went out today in the snow and bought vegetables. Let's just not talk about my carbon footprint on those veggies because I just know they were not being grown in the Arctic where I live here in the Midwest.

Lowdown: The recipe I wanted to make was a "healthy" chicken taco salad. I don't know how healthy the salad was with mayonnaise as a dressing component, but anyway. Greek yogurt has changed my world. I won't buy sour cream anymore and love the extra protein Greek yogurt has. It's such a secret superfood. I selected a dressing from another salad I'd been meaning to try from Iowa Girl Eats instead. She uses the dressing to top her BBQ Chicken Quinoa Salad.

My modifications:

• Spinach and finely shredded cabbage instead of iceberg lettuce. Spinach and cabbage are super high in nutrients and iceberg isn't nearly as much bang for your buck. I love the crunch of cabbage that sort of emulates what you love about iceberg. Speaking of bucks... why on earth is iceberg so expensive in Chicago? Absurd. Cabbage and spinach are pennies compared. And better.
• Added roasted poblano in with my roasted corn. I grilled both on my stovetop reversible griddle pan. I also used my new olive oil sprayer and it worked great!
• Different dressing: 1/3 cup Greek yogurt + 1/3 cup BBQ sauce coated a large glass bowl of salad perfectly without being too soggy.

Inspirations here and here.

Meeting New Friends

Two years ago, I imagined meeting new friends would forever go something like this:

"Hi, my name is Brandy and I have a dead baby. Would you like to be my friend?"

...Except, things aren't quite going like that.

I used to want every single person I encountered to be very, very aware that I was in mourning and have a baby which therefore makes me a parent and you better not think otherwise because I will hit you with the grief train. Luckily, Benjamin really does prove I'm a mother now. In the flesh as I wipe his snot and change his stinky diapers. Will I stand firm and tell people that Andrew made me a mother first? Forever. In many ways, Benjamin makes it easier to speak up about his big brother.

There isn't really a doubt that Benjamin saved my life. When I say I need him, I'm not really just kidding around.

I'd be in a very dark place without him here and I'd definitely, definitely not have put meet new friends on my year's resolutions list {which, by the way, are going great. We're on Day 11 of the Shred and I want to kill Jillian Michaels and yes... my husband doing the Shred with me is the only reason I am still committed}.

You know what? We met new friends. And, we've already had two playdates and are going to a dinner they're hosting at their house this weekend where we might meet even more friends. We've talked about Andrew and told them we lost him at full term and they were apologetic and sweet. Yet, that is not the cornerstone of our friendship and I'm somewhat okay with that.

How do you meet new friends {who haven't lost a baby} after you've lost a baby?

I mean, we can't have expectations for them to remember our baby, because to them, they have no history of  Andrew. And really, we're friends because we happen to have children the same age and a bit more in common. But babyloss? That's not one of them.

Benjamin deserves his own friends and for me to step out of my comfort zone to meet others that will engage and enrich his life. This is the balance of not wanting him to live in Andrew's shadow, but to encourage his individual growth and social awareness. It's challenging though, because no matter how hard I try, the person I was before Andrew has a really hard time being present in relationships now. Yet, I do enjoy escaping the beast of my babyloss mom status for just a bit. It's a skin I can't take off, but maybe cover for bits of time.

This territory is all new for us. We're happy-ish again. Always mourning and frankly bitter at those who aren't still at 2 years because how can you not be? But, we're also living that whole picket-fence life of the house and the kid and definitely not the minivan, except, grief is still very much alive. We're still sad we'll never see out the path we thought would be ours just over two years ago.