Christmas 2013 in Pictures

So here we are. As we say another good riddance to December and hello to another year, I'll share some of the pictures we took of Benjamin during his second Christmas. 

Cookies for Santa (husband's head cut off because it was blurry) & stocking stuffers!

 The video is a bit long, but the first 30 seconds are worth sharing... turn up the volume as it's difficult to hear otherwise.

Presents on Christmas morning... still doesn't really get it.

New headphones that look like Daniel Tiger, strawberry milk straws and excited about the cookie his CA grandparents sent (that he ate for breakfast!).

This boy is becoming quite the champ with drinking from a cup. Smoothies to wash down the cookie & a smoothie mustache.

Here's to hoping January brings us a little sister for Benjamin to grow up with.

Christkindlmarkt Chicago

The weekend before Christmas, we hopped on a train from our suburb and headed to Downtown Chicago for the Marshall Field's/Macy's windows and Christkindlmarkt. Since we lived in Europe all through the winter, we visited Christmas markets in many different countries. It's such a fun experience and there is always something fun to eat. We went with good friends who also have a boy about Benjamin's age.

I knew the highlight for Benjamin would be the train ride. He loves transportation and recently began liking trains more. He refers to them as "choo-choo" and even does the train horn with his arm. We had been talking it up and when we finally got on the train, he was excited.

Ready for the ride! On the train with his buddy, Aaron.



Windows at Macy's. Surprisingly, Benjamin loved them!

Photo in front of the Walnut Room tree at Macy's where we plan to have lunch when Benjamin is a bit older - Headed to the Christmas market about a block from Macy's

$7 pretzel, almost entirely for the photo (but also so I could eat 75% of it with delicious German mustard)

Fam photo, the dads drinking some Gluhwein and all the delicious food we bought (sausage, soups, pretzels...)

 It was great fun and we hope to make it a tradition. I know a certain little boy who will be more than fine with another choo-choo ride in his future.

*On the pregnancy front: I'll update more once I speak to my OB tomorrow about a new condition I might have that may put me at even more risk... like I needed that. I've been stressed about it for the last week and still have 4 weeks to go until we meet our daughter. Hate to be negative, but I have to be realistic... just hope she comes home with us alive and healthy. Until then, holding my breathe. Post to follow. Still living the "if" and not the "when" train with this. I hate pregnancy.

Four DIY Project Recaps

I've been a DIY machine lately! I wouldn't consider it nesting considering the need/nature of the projects, but I guess there might be a little in there... what I do when I am too fearful to bring pink into the house just yet. With Benjamin, I called them distraction projects, and I suppose they're back for the final 5 weeks of this pregnancy.

First up:
LEGO Table

I had been planning to make one of these for Benjamin for ages. We decided that we'd gift him with more Duplo and a LEGO table (in addition to other things) for Christmas.

Materials:
- Black IKEA Lack table for $10
- 1 piece of contact paper or equivalent for road stripes $1
- 1 XL gray baseplate for LEGO $15 on Amazon
- Duck double-sided tape (leftover from another project)
                                                                                 
 = $26

1. Assemble table (piece of cake).
2. Measure and cut strips of contact paper for corner and side road pieces (optional: I loved this idea though!) This would be best done on a di-cut or fancy Silhouette machine that I don't have and don't want.
3. Measure and tape down baseplate to the exact center (used double-sided tape because I was warned other epoxies and glues don't work or ruin baseplates by expanding inside the LEGO holes. Double-sided tape seemed like a safer option.
4. Starting with corner contact paper pieces, measure and evenly space apart road strips.

Total time: 30 minutes

Second Project:
Homemade Laundry Detergent

I noticed that our very last bottle of my stockpiled All Free & Clear detergent had only about a month left of washes to the bottle. Instead of waiting until the laundry piled up once the bottle was empty, I decided to jump ahead and get the next stage of detergent ready. I'd been meaning to make some for years now, but I literally had so much laundry detergent thanks to a crazy sale on Seventh Generation and All that I needed to go through the product first before making. I accumulated all the ingredients over time and just needed to get the ball rolling.

With a little help from my friend Renel and the many internet recipes I found, I came up with this recipe, assuming it's not a science because most vary slightly and add/subtract an ingredient or two.

- 1 box Borax
- 1 box Washing Soda
- 1 bar grated Fels Naptha Soap
- 1 bar grated Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap, Lavender Scent
- 3 cups Tide Stain Booster (oxygenated cleaner just like OxiClean-- but I had this on hand and figured I'd use it instead).
- Grater (you can use your food processor, but I bought a very serious grater at a thrift store for about a buck and it grated the soaps super fine!)

I didn't add in any additional smelling crystals/agents because we do like to keep our laundry free & clear due to skin allergies we deal with... but the Tide Stain Booster does add some scent, as does the natural castile soap. Hoping these won't affect us, as they are used in small amounts.

And all I needed was a cute scoop and container! My friend Liz picked up this cute Anchor Hocking glass cookie jar at Walmart when she was there last for under $10. I cannot remember the total cost for the above ingredients as I bought them at random over the course of a year or so, but I can estimate the cost to be about $10 worth of product for 1.5 gallons of detergent. At just 1 1/2 tablespoons each load, that is going to last us a very long time!

Total time: 15 minutes (10 minutes alone to grate the bars of soap and 5 for mixing of ingredients)

Third Project:
Art Frame Display for Benjamin's Room

This is the project I'm most proud of. When I had friends over for a tea party some Saturdays ago, they requested a look at Benjamin's big boy room. We had two walls with hangings already, but the other two walls were bare. One wall was taken care of in minutes by the suggestion of my friend Alli who has a knack for design. But the other wall... they all collaborated at once and suggested I make it a wall to display his art. I loved the idea, but wanted it to be a space we could change out often and easily. I did some Pinterest researching for something along those lines and came up with this idea. I needed 3 cabinet doors of identical size...and cheap. I struggled finding these. I searched Craigslist, Freecycle, Bookoo and everywhere I could think! I even considered using actual picture frames, but even those are not super cheap or sturdy enough for my vision.

I found that cabinet art display idea during naptime on Saturday and as soon as Benjamin woke up, we set out to our local Habitat for Humanity Restore. We were totally disappointed by the stock and prices. It was expensive and they didn't have anything suitable to make this project happen on the cheap.

But I couldn't get this idea out of my mind. I HAD to have those cabinet doors! I discovered another Habitat for Humanity Restore 13 miles away and was about to grab my keys. Until I realized they were only open three days a week, for a total of 24 hours! I waited patiently until Thursday and then we were off. I am so glad we went, because I not only found what I was looking for, but had such a variety that I had trouble deciding! The cabinet doors were $2.50/ea. and I was even able to purchase two drawer fronts (for my 4th project) for $1/ea, two brand new and full-sized bathroom rugs that were an "internet sample" still with tags, a small pint sample can of gray paint for $.50 from Benjamin Moore, and various Velcro pieces and anchor brackets for quarters each. My total was $20! I even considered buying two end tables that I loved, but we really don't need more end tables... but so tempting.

Sweatshirt Gray Benjamin Moore paint sample for only two quarters. Awesome.

No natural light with curtains closed, but we love it! Benjamin proudly looks up and says "B" at the art piece on the right that is hard to see in these photos.

The wall on the right is the "grown up" wall my friend Alli helped design. The double frame had old pictures in it that we needed to replace. We thought a picture of Big Ben & a quote by Ben Franklin were fun additions to the room. For a grand total of $2.36 prints shipped to my door, it completed the wall (to go with his Tootsie Roll Chicago stock & personalized Bears poster).

Materials:
- 3 cabinet pieces $7.50
- Flat white paint & paint rollers (owned already)...would've used spray paint, but I didn't have any.
- Gray paint sample $.50
- 3 magnetic clips (had in teacher supplies)
- Screwdriver + three small screws
- Hanging materials about $7--ultra secured these to the wall so we spent a bit more

= about $15

Fourth Project:
Chalkboard Frames

I just might be envisioning my kiddos heading off to school and just how cute that will be. When I was picking up the cabinets to be used in the art frame display, I saw a few smaller drawer fronts that were only $1 each. I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make two signs (you know, because I'm hoping to have two kids in school at the same time eventually) for the kiddos to hold on the first and last days of school. I already had the chalkboard paint from a basement chalkboard wall I've envisioned but since aborted mission because we're too lazy and just don't use the space enough to really enjoy that feature.

They're not perfect, but they do the job for the right price. :)

Instead, how about a couple cute frames for just a few bucks of material cost?

Materials:
- 2 cabinet/drawer fronts $2
- White satin spray paint (owned already)
- Chalkboard paint bought ages ago and used a very small amount of the $10 can
- Paintbrush for Chalkboard paint (owned already)

= $2

Fourth Tearful Christmas

You'd think having a 22-month old during Christmas would do the trick to rid me of the grief that plagues me every single holiday... and really everyday. But it hasn't. For the most part, I spent the time leading up to Christmas busy researching, purchasing, wrapping, shipping, etc. I spent time in the post office and directing most of my energy to the toddler running about me. I actually enjoyed buying gifts for people this year because each one was well thought and something I knew they would like. I've been well distracted and for that, I'm grateful. On days where we're not off to the children's museum, playhouse or storytime and distractions are at a minimum, I struggle the most. Today is one of those days.

I didn't do the decorating this year. I sat at my computer while my amazing husband worked around me to make our home look festive. I didn't participate. I haven't participated since the day before Andrew died. I want Benjamin to have a childhood filled with wonder and excitement, but I just have a hard time getting in the spirit around this time of year. His birthday was just 20 days ago. Another one passes on and another one we're left in longing for what should be.

I laid awake from 2:30-5:00 this morning with pregnancy insomnia, battling the fear I have of Andrew and Benjamin's little sister not making it out alive. I thought about how it was already Christmas morning and what that means to most families. I just don't feel the magic. Benjamin still doesn't understand Christmas or Santa or the decorations. All he understands is that the Advent house has a treat for him everyday. He wasn't very interested in opening presents.

I'm tired of being pregnant and fearful. I've done so well up until this week and now it's finally hitting me that we have less than 5 weeks to go until my induction and we're uncertain if we'll be bringing this baby home in a carseat or in something much, much smaller. I have some new complications that are plaguing me and having me rethink Andrew's death and if what I'm experiencing now is what may have also contributed to his demise.

I desperately want a normal birth experience and to bring a baby home without the worry. I fear that our induction date is too late that we'll end up with another stillborn baby. I fear that an earlier induction date will send us back to the NICU. I fear Benjamin may never realize what it's like to have a living sibling. I fear so much.

This is our fourth Christmas in this house. In Illinois. And it has never, ever felt right because our first one was robbed of all the magic by losing him. I sat in our formal living room alone after all the gifts and festivities this morning and just cried. I wished for the tree to be gone. I'm ready for December to end. With so many things to be thankful for, I'm sobbing because I miss what should be so, so much.

Benjamin's First Real Snow Exploration

Last weekend was the first time we've accumulated enough snow to really do much with. It Saturday morning and we had nothing better to do than go outside and enjoy 30-degree weather with big white flakes coming down.

For the first time ever, we suited Benjamin up in a snow bib, puffy winter jacket, snow boots, mittens and a hat and let him loose in our yard as Ray shoveled the driveway. He just loved it! He spent the majority of the time eating snow and trying to say the word snow which is apparently a tricky word in his vocabulary. But man did he try. He has been in the snow before and even been sledding (during his 1st b-day weekend!), but this was really the first time he personally explored and took a sled down the hill by himself!

We took our sled-like thing we bought at Costco (during the worst winter of our lives) and headed to the park across the street to do some sledding. Benjamin loved being pulled across the snow and loved sledding even more. We even took a visit to the actual park and pushed him on the swing a bit before heading back home for hot cocoa.

Loved every minute. Didn't want to go in after 1.5 hours, but we did! Bribed with "deets" (treats). Also the first time he's successfully worn mittens or gloves EVER.

mmmmm.

Duplicate videos from Instagram, but larger here.