Benjamin Babble III

Scene: B staring at a behavior chart we created for him to earn a book he wanted.

B: "Did you write a sad face on there?"

Me: "Yes, because you were behaving poorly yesterday."

B: "Take it off. Take it off with a sponge."

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Scene: B puts a DVD in the player and it doesn't work.

B: "Are you kidding me right now? I put the CD in there and it doesn't work."

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Scene: B pointing to a picture of himself as a baby.

B: "That was me (when) I was a little age."

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Scene: Playing with an iPad counting game that involves tomatoes.

B: "I don't like to eat tomatoes."

Me: "You don't?" (spoiler alert: he hates food)

B: "No. I take it out of my mouth."

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Scene: B is on the deck picnic table eating lunch. Claire is sitting in the Cozy Coupe, also on the deck.

B: "Claire, it's starting to rain. Don't go in the car. Go in the house. Claire, IN THE HOUSE! PLEASE!"

C: Beep, beep! (ignore)

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Scene: B trying to negotiate watching a DVD that is not for his age group.

B: "I do that when I was an older kid?"

Me: "Yes, when you're an older kid."

B: "Can I be an older kid soon?"

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Scene: B playing with kinetic sand.

B: (hands me a cup full of sand) "I bring this for you."

Me: "Mmmmm. So delicious."

B: "It's pretend. It's only pretend. You don't eat the sand. Only babies like Claire eat sand."

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Scene: Me peeing Thursday afternoon at 2 p.m. -- you're welcome. tmi.

B: (bursting into the bathroom... what's new?) "Can you drink a beert (beer) right now?"

Me: (confused) "What?!?"

B: "You want to drink a beert right now?"

Me: "Not right now, thank you." (clearly lying)