Monday, December 5, 2016

Another Year Around the Sun. Six.

Each year Thanksgiving comes around and then it ends and then it's December 5th. It's almost like the days in between aren't even there, because they are a rush of time.

This morning I spent my time running six miles for my firstborn on his birthday. At each mile, I wrote one of these wherever my feet landed. In six different places around my neighborhood, I left a mark for him.
I also spent the morning registering my rainbow baby for Kindergarten. Irony sure does enjoy smacking me right in the face. My would-be Kindergartner and my upcoming Kindergartner with worlds colliding. It's rare this happens, so I guess it's a sweet wink. (It would be even sweeter if the school wasn't going to a year-round calendar. Which likely means we're moving to another school zone.)

Tonight we will enjoy dinner out and quite a bit of dessert-eating and present opening, all to remember that boy who first made us parents. I miss him with everything in me. To think of how he would've shaped who is younger brother is and how happy it would make his little sister to have a great big brother to love and play with.

What I miss most, though, is knowing who he would be. How our lives would be different with him here and what he would grow to become. I really miss everything.

7 comments:

RyAnne Carr said... [Reply to comment]

Thats the sweetest thing-the writing chalk notes for him each mile. Happy Birthday Andrew. 6 years, 6 years too many to be without him. Thinking of you all tonight as you celebrate without the one person you want the most.

Amelia said... [Reply to comment]

We spent Saturday with Josh's cousins who have a 1 year old. G was Gaga over him. Of course I spend the whole time aching at what an amazing big sister she would have been.
Love to you, and happy birthday dear Andrew.

Dianna said... [Reply to comment]

I love the chalk notes. Very sweet idea.

Heather said... [Reply to comment]

" I really miss everything." With you so much. Happy sixth birthday to your firstborn, your A.

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Missing everything with you.

Sigh. Big, beautiful love you have.

Sarah said... [Reply to comment]

Sending warm thoughts to you and your family. I agree that the wondering is so hard. Kindergartners have big, distinct personalities, and so I feel like the loss becomes more and more real the farther out we get.

Laura Jane said... [Reply to comment]

Love you friend. Missing your A. How has it been s.i.x years?

I like to think people in your neighbourhood smiled when they saw those chalk marks, not knowing what they signified, but knowing it was for someone special. <3