Pee Protester

It seems partially fitting to include this post the day after a new... eh... leader... has been inaugurated. I'm unable to suck in my pride enough to call that person the POTUS, so I'll just leave it as leader, which I think is generous enough.

On inauguration day, I spent the day in the doctor's office with my very own protester (as her mother was silently protesting the day's events in a different way in her mind).

On Thursday, Claire complained of painful urination. She even rejected all attempts for me to convince her that peeing was downright necessary after one has slept for 12 hours and before preschool. There's something not cool about peeing in your carpeted preschool classroom you are brand new at attending.

No pee at home. Finally, pee at school. In a potty.

I pick her up from preschool after a glorious morning of me-time and heard that she and Benjamin exchanged hugs while in line to use the restrooms before lunchtime. (Oh how I love this.) But no speak of urinating herself.

Complaints of needing to pee and it hurting continued. Refusal to pee continued. It's around 4:45 p.m. and I suspected a UTI, so I called the doctor's office that sent me immediately to a message that told me to call back in 15 minutes due to high call volume, precisely when they were closed for the evening. Clever. Doctor, 1. Brandy, 0.

Called the urgent care and they told me they were closed until SUNDAY. Excuse me, what? You're urgent care, right? Like, when I can't go to a primary care because they are closed or it's uh... urgent? Apparently all of their docs are sick. So they closed the joint down! For three days! The closest next urgent care? 18 miles away. And a call to them at 6:10 p.m. informed me that they took their last patient of the evening already. I'm not understanding this definition of urgent care, clearly. The closest next was like 25 miles away and I just cut my losses.

The on-call doctor just recommended I monitor her and wait until the morning. I booked an appointment for 11:15 a.m. Friday.

She begged for me to take her to the doctor who she was angry with just two days prior for updating her immunizations at her 3-year well visit. Finally, with insane amounts of crying, screaming, and potty dancing, the full-bladdered little lady peed all over the wood floors. And I never thought I'd encourage my potty-trained children to pee as much as possible right there for me to clean, but I needed it out! She was relieved. I was relieved. Bedtime it was.

The following morning, the same resistance to urination continued. "Ouch," I was reminded. Instead of waiting for the appointment, I just threw a bunch of games and books in a bag, dressed the kids and got them moving. In the car and arrived, I was hoping someone missed their appointment due to large amounts of snow falling and Reno having a huge lack of snow removal equipment (because omg, if they cancel or delay school anymore for 3 inches of snow, I'm gonna start shoveling this joint myself!). We showed up to no appointment. The nurse failed to actually book the appointment she offered me. Instead, they got me in earlier!

Pushing liquids, Claire and I had a 1-hour standoff in the doctor office bathroom as I attempted to get her to pee 168 different ways. I offered all her favorite things: looking at baby dolls at Walmart, chocolate shake at McD, playing at the dirt hole playplace there, tablet use... I was going there.

Finally, the nurse insisted that the doctor just wanted us to head to the ER so she could get a catheter because it had been nearly 18 hours since her last urination. We clothed the struggler and headed back to the office to be written our document when the nurse pulls out one last stop.

"Claire, what's your favorite candy?"

"Chocolate." (Nevermind that I offered this myself and the opportunity to choose ANY candy bar at the store she wanted.)

The nurse comes back in with two mini-sized Hershey bars and offers them to Claire if she pees. The nurse asks if she will try for her and asks if I wanted to accompany them in the bathroom. I decided to stay behind, thinking that the nurse might have more clout if Mama wasn't present. Not three minutes later, seven ounces of golden liquid were presented in the pee hat.

Are. you. kidding. I was basically promising Claire a freaking pony and she still wouldn't pee for me. And this nurse offers her two small pieces of chocolate and she makes things happen? And quickly?

An antibiotic prescription given (and sending me to two different pharmacies and difficulty with insurance, because of course) and finally we had the glorious bottle of medical magic in our hands. We're still recovering and had one more major dance-off and small pond on our wood floors, but I think we're finally on the mend.

Might I note, Benjamin was the most supportive and awesome brother ever during the pee standoff and waiting game. He earned himself a chocolate treat from that nurse as well.

We had our very own monumental inauguration dance and celebration here, too.

And let me tell you, it was YUGE. ::smirk and eye roll, obviously::