Wednesday, January 5, 2011

One Month

As I write this, I feel a bit strange. Usually when I see these titles in my blog ticker, I can easily guess what they are about. "One Month" would generally mean a month old-- as in a living child.

Well, that's not the same month we're talking about here. Dates have such significance when a point of trauma or triumph occurs in your life. This happens to be trauma, but thankfully we are healing a bit. I am abundantly sad that I still wake up every morning to the realization, the very painful realization, that Andrew is gone. While some days I float through life just as I did before, I am easily reminded when I unveil the body beneath the clothing just before a shower, walk by the closed and completed nursery upstairs, or see anything related to babies.

I have gone a few days without tears, but definitely not void of sadness. I'm pretty sure a piece of my heart is gone. At least that's how it feels to me. Perhaps there's just a hole. I don't know.

So here we are. One month. I have wonderful friends who have sent emails and text messages acknowledging the "anniversary" that this sadly has become. In many ways, I am so happy it's been a month. It's almost like I can breathe a sigh of relief that I've reached a milestone and have somehow maintained my sanity.

We love you, baby Andrew. Happy one month in heaven.

4 comments:

Newlywed Next Door said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks for the sweet comment on my Fireworks to Fireplaces blog. I just read your whole story here and cried my eyes out. I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet son. There are no words. Praying for you as well.

Shae said... [Reply to comment]

I came upon your blog through the "Newlywed Next Door" blog. I'm a new mommy & I CANNOT even begin to imagine your pain! I don't know what I would have done had I been in your shoes. Reading your story, I have sobbed uncontrollably. I'm so sorry for you & your husband, as well. I will remember to be even MORE thankful EVERYday! Happy one month, Angel Baby Andrew. You are so loved!

Molly Bierens said... [Reply to comment]

So sorry for your loss! Praying for you.

Kate said... [Reply to comment]

I wanted to send a quick note to say how sorry I am for your loss. My son, Andrew (Drew), was stillborn on June 30 at 37.5 weeks. I know we don't know each other, but if you ever need anything, or just someone to talk to who is going through the same thing, please know that I am here for you. You, your husband and your Andrew will be in my thoughts and prayers.