Saturday, November 5, 2011

Celebrating Andrew

It's been almost a year. In many ways, I wonder how it's possible that my son died one year ago. One year seems like forever has passed, and in other ways, I'm reminded of all the milestones I missed during this time of mourning and grief. It's safe to say that I'm still shocked about what's taken place in our lives. But I wouldn't take back a second of my everlasting grief if it meant Andrew was never born. He is worthy of all the attention and love his parents can give him-- no matter how long he was with us.

I've never been the best at birthdays and celebrations-- partly because I lack the creativity to fully design something worthy of such great effort. Plus, I don't feel like stress should ever be part of celebrating. Andrew was not given a memorial service because we were in no state of mind to do such planning. That, and I never felt it was my style. He deserves and will always be worthy of praise, love, and celebrating. He is our son and we are not denying that of him. We love him to end of the earth. He's far more important to me than anything we could ever purchase or earn. I can't really see the what ifs in this situation either, because we've always been more private (oh, except sharing my innermost details on this blog. hah.) and wouldn't likely have had a monstrous party for his first birthday anyway. But one thing is certain: there would've definitely been CAKE.

We won't be releasing balloons because it's not our thing. But we will be celebrating. If you're interested in celebrating our son's life, we invite you to celebrate with dessert. Our children will most certainly never be deprived of the sweet things in life-- as we are two adults who fully enjoy the indulgence. The best things in life? We're convinced dessert is among them. That, and our children.

On December 5, we will be enjoying an evening out to dinner in celebration of Andrew's life on what would be his first birthday. This will likely be a tradition. After dinner, we will absolutely be celebrating with dessert! We're not sure what kind just yet, but it will be good. So, if you're in, light a candle for our Andrew and enjoy some dessert in honor of him on his special day.

Also, a fellow BLM blogger friend celebrated her daughter's first year anniversary by encouraging others to engage in random acts of kindness on her daughter's behalf. If you would like to participate in that way, we'd be honored. Helping someone to their car, treating someone to lunch... whatever you want it to be in honor of Andrew's life. I'm not requiring that anyone do both, or either. Just inviting you in the celebration if you're interested.

His official birthday: December 5, 2010 at 9:04 p.m.

In this grief journey, I'm learning that those who have not experienced such great loss simply do not know how to react-- whether in everyday life, just after loss occurs, or one year out. No one has given them the green light that it's okay to remember our children. As Andrew's mom, I feel like it's my duty to keep his memory alive and encourage others to feel comfortable enough to celebrate the life of a child they've never met, seen, or held. Losing our son has made us sad, but having him has made us abundantly grateful. Your celebrations in his honor are always welcome--and while I may cry-- it's mostly because someone cared enough to make an effort to remember him. I don't expect you to always remember his birthday (though I do mention his birthday like every 5 minutes on this blog), but this year I'm inviting you to.

It would be really special to keep all celebrations on that specific day, but the time is less important and much harder to coordinate, I realize! If you shoot a photo of your dessert/candle or your random act of kindness, I'd love to share on the blog... so feel free to email that to me.

It's so completely out of character for me to ask things of people that might require time/money, but this is my son and I'm willing to give it all I've got to make sure his first birthday anniversary is felt in the heavens. We love you, little buddy. To the moon.


LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

And cue the tears.

Shall absolutely be celebrating Andrew. :)

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

Great ideas... u can count me in. And maybe i can persuade sloane to partake in some cake w me. ;)

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

Love it! There will be celebrating here, my friend! <3 Andrew <3

Just the 3 of Us said... [Reply to comment]

Count me in too :) I will be baking and sharing a special dessert with my family on December 5, 2011 in honor of Andrew.

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I love this. A sweet way to remember a sweet boy. Of course I'll be celebrating Andrew.

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

didn't even have to ask. would celebrate him anyway, but to get to do so with dessert - well, it's just the icing on the cake. . .ha. I'm lame.

Addi's mom said... [Reply to comment]

Yes, there will be cake on December 5th. I will most certianly be lighting a candle for each of our babies. Still wishing this day could be different, but celebrating our babies A's no matter what. I can't believe it's almost been a year...really I can't.

Amelia said... [Reply to comment]

Beautiful idea, we'd be honored to join in the celebration of Andrew. Especially when it includes dessert.

Solange, Nik and Caitlin said... [Reply to comment]

oh the tears. We will definitely be celebrating his birthday over here. Andrew would have gobbled up all the cake :)

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

We will definetly light a candle and eat a grand dessert for Andrew! What a great way to celebrate his life and his birthday! He is one loved lil man by so many!

Hope's Mama said... [Reply to comment]

That is a very easy request! I will most certainly be taking part.
Andrew is remembered. Always.

*Laura Angel said... [Reply to comment]

Just catching up on blogs. Hugs to you and love to your sweet Andrew

Josh Jackson said... [Reply to comment]

Count me in.

Andrew has some pretty great parents.

Alissa said... [Reply to comment]

Sounds like wonderful ways to celebrate and remember sweet Andrew. Hoping the month is gentle on your heart... ((hugs))

Renel said... [Reply to comment]

I'm In!

My immediate thought is will there be an Evite? Imagining the categories now:
Yes~ Andrew is a special boy with special parents. We would love to celebrate with you.
Maybe~ This makes me kinda uncomfortable celebrating a dead baby's birthday. I will think about it or say I will because I feel obligated to.
No~ The boy is dead... what's to celebrate? I don't get it, my life is charmed. Nothing this bad will ever happen to me. Sucks to be you.

Do you see the crazy that gets in my head. These are the things that swirl in my head around my daughter's death. I think about how we will celebrate, because we certainly will...but it seems overwhelming. I love your ideas and I have thought of a few of those myself. Nothing ever seems good enough because Andrew should be celebrating with you! It is also celebrating the memory of him and also a way for friends to honor your journey. I hope a lot of people participate and show their love.

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

celebrating that amazing boy with you! there shall be something sweet and a candle lighting in his honor no doubt. can you please send me your email addy {}?

SG said... [Reply to comment]

We'll be remembering Andrew, too!

Natasha said... [Reply to comment]

Will definitely be remembering your little Andrew with you on his birthday.