Monday, September 28, 2015

The Here and Now

It's been almost a month since I've come to this space. I haven't had much time to read blogs, let alone write them. My head has been in so many places and this post is barely scratching the surface.

We had some good friends move yesterday. They're only 4 hours away, but they were a family who totally rallied around us when Andrew died. They were good (new) friends before, but morphed into great friends after. It's rare that loss can bring friendships closer, especially with those who haven't experienced any child loss themselves. They defied the odds on that one and we're abundantly grateful. They stayed with us the final five nights here in Illinois and it was so nice.

I drove in the direction of their former house today while running errands and was saddened by it all. We've lived here almost exactly 5.5 years and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the itch to go. There's a lot in that statement, but mostly it's just being a nomad at heart and loving the adventure in life. Surely stability is immensely important for children and I get that. I married an adventurer and we love to explore. Having great friends move on to their new adventure doesn't help tame that spirit.

I've been working on a dresser for Claire's big girl room that's been painted white. I added crystal knobs and it's about 99% done. I just need to get a little sandpaper out for the drawers to fit just right. Blog reveal to come.

Benjamin's school is going incredibly well. We love his teacher and I attended his curriculum night a week ago. I had to fight back tears a number of times for so many reasons: Andrew, missing my career in the classroom and also because I was just so at ease that Benjamin was in the perfect place for him. We made the right choice.

We stay after school every day to play at the park in front of his school. It's convenient because I can bring a lunch, there are similar-aged school friends available to play, Claire can partake and I can get a little social time in with other adults. If we went straight home, we'd be isolated at home having lunch and there'd just be more crumbs in the dining room. One mom often shows up from across town to take her youngest just to the park because this particular park has a firetruck that he loves. (He even wears his firetruck shirt each time.) She's come enough times now that they starting packing a lunch just to eat with us. We either walk home with the stroller or drive home. If walking, we have a routine of stopping by at this disc swing on our way home that's hanging in one of my neighbor's side yard. And then it's off for home and nap and afternoon adventuring. This will all change when the cold weather sets in.

That's probably part of my interest to adventure and run; winter. I hate winter and I especially hate December. After August and the end of summer comes the -ber months of which start out nice and end cold and painful.

With this summer being so incredibly awesome having a perfect vacation, Benjamin growing out of his terrible-two-three-ness, Claire being big enough to walk and rally, Benjamin learning to swim, and taking advantage of the outdoors at every chance we can get, we're just not ready for it to end.

We decorated for Halloween a bit today and Benjamin ran around for a few hours in a costume I picked up this morning on a whim. At least October is looking promising.


Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Here I feel I'm in the opposite boat. While I love traveling, I would love to settle down in one place. I'm jealous of your stability in that regard and yet we will be moving every few years.

Excited to see Claire's dresser! I have given zero thought to a big girl room.

Brie said... [Reply to comment]

california is calling ­čĆä­čĆ╝

Veronica said... [Reply to comment]

Im feeling this post brandy
enough to put off pulling back the covers and getting into bed. (i rarely comment these days, but I read. I certainly haven't stopped reading). I know I'm in a somewhat different situation with family and kids and all that jazz...but I'm feeling it creep in as theo relentlessly approaches those school hood years. And I can't help but quiet all those ambitious desires to pack up and move. Pick another city and start all over. But HIS little life is starting and really taking form. And I know it's so good for him to thrive socially and find families to connect with.

I'm a little all over the place here. The iPad typing does that to me. But bottom line, I'm feeling the dread of the colder -ber months too. It rained all day today and theo fought the nap and I threw my back out this morning, and it was a dreadful day, and it made me dread what's to come.

Ugh. Yes to everything you wrote. Looking forward to more to come. Especially that piece for Claire!!

Mama Bear said... [Reply to comment]

I get both sides of this. I love to travel and adventure. And yet I love that I lived in the same house my entire life growing up and never had to be the new kid. I am in the middle of an adventure and it has it's ups and downs, just like staying near home. It's scary and stressful. But I too, get bored with the routine of home. Staying home with kids, while so wonderful! I'm sure adds to the stuck feeling sometimes. It's hard to keep that balance. I'm really glad Ben is in a good place. I had to cancel Bode's first school venture to head west. Yup, pluses and minuses to each path we are on. I feel fortunate to try out new things but also long for the safety of home. I guess we never really know what will come tomorrow but adventuring with some control would be more enjoyable :) your lunchtime playground sounds fun, I wish we could join you. I know it is much harder in the winter but with layers, it's still doable some of the time.

Jenny said... [Reply to comment]

Great friends, indeed :-)

Over the past ten years of both living abroad and moving every 15-24 months, I have come to see a basic truth. In this lifetime, we come close to feeling what "home" is, but we'll always be somewhat unsettled. This broken earth with it's pain and broken relationships was never meant to be "home" in the fullest expression. Our hearts are made for deeper relationship, wider embracing, and closer care of land and animals. I have to consciously choose to look forward, to live with the end in mind... not just as pie in the sky, master of my own destiny self-lies, but living with eternity in mind helps me be at peace with the present.

Saying goodbye is always hard, you're right.