Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Happily Distracted

I have about 5 blog posts just sitting in my drafts right now. Random thoughts that are unfinished lay waiting for me to write more, or as I often do, delete. Sometimes I just need to get what I'm thinking in writing, but what I am thinking is not necessarily appropriate or not formulated into enough of a thought that is worth sharing. Many people read this and I have some face to save since this was a Wilson blog before a Baby Loss blog.

I wrote a lot today. I finished reading one book and ordered two books based entirely from BLM recommendations and reviews. Brooke alone sold me on Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards and so many of you women have now encouraged me to purchase An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. In true frugal-Brandy style, I purchased both through ShopAtHome (5% back-- so what if it's only about 50 cents!) and from for around 11 bucks, shipped.

This post is a complete brain drain. It's all kinds of random and partly made out of feeling at peace during a week I thought would be very difficult. Many of you know from my former blog posts that my husband is out of town. He flew far, far away to Germany for business and is over halfway through his visit there. Or as we like to say, only three sleeps until he's home! He left last Saturday and will be arriving back home this Saturday. I cannot wait. Since this is the first time he has left the country without me since we began dating in 2006, I was nervous. You all know the whole hyperventilating bit I posted in my last entry. And on the wings of "losing" our son (hate that term, but have a hard time finding anything synonymous), I was downright terrified. The fear hasn't left because he still has to fly back home over that very large ocean on Saturday. And the month isn't over-- he has about 16 total days out of town this month on FOUR round trip airplane flights. Oy vey.

When he's gone, I have learned that in order to function on any level outside of sleeping and sulking all day, I need to be kept busy. Luckily, I have some local friends who know this. I remember telling them in the hospital when they all came to visit just 24 hours after we delivered Andrew that I needed them to keep us busy. This week has proven just that. In time of need, my friends rally! I'm exhausted and feeling content despite missing my husband. I'm not nervous right now because he is on soil. Maybe it's not the same soil I'm on, but at least he's not suspended in the air. Yet.

Here's my schedule while he's gone:

Saturday 4/2: cry hysterically, fondue/face mask/girl fun with 7 friends at my house followed by a few wonderful friends spending the night (in guest beds--needed to clarify so you'd see it was all class, no trash. Haha).
Sunday 4/3: zumba, shopping with a friend, dinner with friends
Monday 4/4: sub w/ booger-pickers (aka pre-k through 1st grade), dinner & Bible study with friends
Tuesday 4/5: another day with the booger-pickers, zumba
Wednesday 4/6: sub middle school, spin class, dinner with a friend at this awesome place (anyone a yelper out there besides me?)
Thursday 4/7: sub 4th grade, zumba, TV night with a friend
Friday 4/8: sub 2nd grade, dinner with friends, watching a sleeping 2-yo (can't use the word babysitting for some reason... argh) for some friends-- aka: date with my laptop.
Saturday 4/9: zumba, probably a Target date with myself (if I could be in love with a store....), pick up my most amazing husband at the airport and squeeze him sooooo tight!

Love the busy schedule, especially when I need it most. I think exercising has no doubt helped my mood and given me a nice release for all the frustrations and sadness I've been feeling... but our zumba membership is almost over. I don't want to grow tired of it, so I won't be signing up for another session. I think it's the perfect winter workout when living in the Arctic like we do here in Chicago. I won't commit to a gym membership but I enjoy the class atmosphere as it gives me something to look forward to as a scheduled event. Anyone in a class they particularly love? I thought about yoga but a friend mentioned that the BLM brain may click on full blast during the slow movement and time for deep thought. Could be more detrimental than beneficial, no?


Jill said... [Reply to comment]

Call me crazy but I have "heard" the word Zumba thrown around, but I don't know what it is. Is it a kind of dance you do?

Hoping time flies by for you and you have a good couple days with your friends, seems like a good scehdule planned and busy for you.

I had to do that too, I had to be VERY busy. It helped, somewhat.

I would like to read more books, so maybe I will check into those one as well!

Shell said... [Reply to comment]

Both books are great!

I'm glad you've been keeping busy while your hubby is away. I wish him safe travels on Saturday and hope that it is here before you know it. It is good to be distracted and getting out there.

As for the exercise, I've never tried Zumba but have gotten back to the gym membership and have found running helps me get out much needed anger and somehow makes me feel better.

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

I think you'll really like An Exact Replica, I loved it. Both dark and hopeful in one book. I'm sure you'll find yourself relating to a lot of the emotions she goes through.

Glad you're keeping busy.

Re: Yoga, Scott does hot yoga and the quiet time has brought him to tears on several occasions as you're left to your own thoughts for several moments.. Inviting in all that challenges you/etc.. I don't think I could do that.

Arnold Party of 5 said... [Reply to comment]

What is Zumba? You talk about it all the time. I'm going to google it.

I used to love spin class but it hurts. Hurts just thinking about it.

I love the way you love your husband!

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

sounds like you have some great friends to keep you busy and exercising has definitely always been a great mood lifter for me also.

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

I've just been taking my agression out on the elliptical. I think any form of exercise will do it. Have you heard of Pure Barre? OMG, LOVE!! It is AMAZING! Totally different than zumba. VERY low impact but SUCH a workout! It is a little like yoga at the end (I lost it a few times), and some of the moves are yoga-ish, but the music is very fast, not time for tears. And you have to really concentrate on the movements. Not sure if there is one near you yet (we just got one last fall). I did it for a month and loved, loved it. I quit bc I wanted to focus on cardio and get this baby weight off. I am going to start back soon. An amazing workout though. LOL, sorry for the looooong description. I guess I really like it? haha

Katie Truelove said... [Reply to comment]

I love to think/express my thoughts through writing too! I guess that's why I've always loved journaling. But sometimes typing is just a faster way to get all the thoughts and emotions out! So happy to have blogs:) xoxo glad the weeks is going by quickly and that you're surrounded by such loving people:)

Cassandra said... [Reply to comment]

Its nice to write things out so you can see them and read them..I like it too. Its kinda like it helps me organize my thoughts. I have heard that Body Pump and Spin are fun and kind of similar to the upbeat kind of class that Zumba is..

Newlywed Next Door said... [Reply to comment]
This comment has been removed by the author.
Newlywed Next Door said... [Reply to comment]

I have so much to comment on on this post...
- I do yoga. I LOVE it. It really relaxes and centers me. I'm awful at it (I'm not flexible) but I leave feeling a lot less anxious about life. Not sure if you'll like it, but I do (except the week a PREGNANT girl showed up.. I was like "GO TO THE DARN PRENATAL CLASS biyotch!")
- Do you do PaperBack Swap? Great for frugal book trading. I love it.
- I HATE telling people "we lost the baby" which I still occasionally have to tell people who knew I was pregnant. It makes it sound like I missplaced him and I should go find him. I just can't think of another way to say it. Blah.
- Yup I'm a huge yelper. :)
- How is your bible study? I kinda hate my bible study/life group these days. I spend most of the time feeling angry at stupid people's stupid problems and being mad that God doesn't really answer prayers. Not sure if that's the point of bible study.

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I'm liking yoga but I think maybe it's because I'm not very good at it so I really have to focus on breathing and balancing and by the time you can stop moving and think your own thoughts, I'm just relieved it's over and I didn't fall down or something. Which is to say, I cry all the time but not at the end of yoga class. I used to do jazzercise which was so fun and such a good workout, but I am unwilling to have fun while exercising right now. I want to be serious and focused instead of dancing. So yoga works well for me in that sense.