Happily Distracted

I have about 5 blog posts just sitting in my drafts right now. Random thoughts that are unfinished lay waiting for me to write more, or as I often do, delete. Sometimes I just need to get what I'm thinking in writing, but what I am thinking is not necessarily appropriate or not formulated into enough of a thought that is worth sharing. Many people read this and I have some face to save since this was a Wilson blog before a Baby Loss blog.

I wrote a lot today. I finished reading one book and ordered two books based entirely from BLM recommendations and reviews. Brooke alone sold me on Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards and so many of you women have now encouraged me to purchase An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. In true frugal-Brandy style, I purchased both through ShopAtHome (5% back-- so what if it's only about 50 cents!) and from half.com for around 11 bucks, shipped.

This post is a complete brain drain. It's all kinds of random and partly made out of feeling at peace during a week I thought would be very difficult. Many of you know from my former blog posts that my husband is out of town. He flew far, far away to Germany for business and is over halfway through his visit there. Or as we like to say, only three sleeps until he's home! He left last Saturday and will be arriving back home this Saturday. I cannot wait. Since this is the first time he has left the country without me since we began dating in 2006, I was nervous. You all know the whole hyperventilating bit I posted in my last entry. And on the wings of "losing" our son (hate that term, but have a hard time finding anything synonymous), I was downright terrified. The fear hasn't left because he still has to fly back home over that very large ocean on Saturday. And the month isn't over-- he has about 16 total days out of town this month on FOUR round trip airplane flights. Oy vey.

When he's gone, I have learned that in order to function on any level outside of sleeping and sulking all day, I need to be kept busy. Luckily, I have some local friends who know this. I remember telling them in the hospital when they all came to visit just 24 hours after we delivered Andrew that I needed them to keep us busy. This week has proven just that. In time of need, my friends rally! I'm exhausted and feeling content despite missing my husband. I'm not nervous right now because he is on soil. Maybe it's not the same soil I'm on, but at least he's not suspended in the air. Yet.

Here's my schedule while he's gone:

Saturday 4/2: cry hysterically, fondue/face mask/girl fun with 7 friends at my house followed by a few wonderful friends spending the night (in guest beds--needed to clarify so you'd see it was all class, no trash. Haha).
Sunday 4/3: zumba, shopping with a friend, dinner with friends
Monday 4/4: sub w/ booger-pickers (aka pre-k through 1st grade), dinner & Bible study with friends
Tuesday 4/5: another day with the booger-pickers, zumba
Wednesday 4/6: sub middle school, spin class, dinner with a friend at this awesome place (anyone a yelper out there besides me?)
Thursday 4/7: sub 4th grade, zumba, TV night with a friend
Friday 4/8: sub 2nd grade, dinner with friends, watching a sleeping 2-yo (can't use the word babysitting for some reason... argh) for some friends-- aka: date with my laptop.
Saturday 4/9: zumba, probably a Target date with myself (if I could be in love with a store....), pick up my most amazing husband at the airport and squeeze him sooooo tight!

Love the busy schedule, especially when I need it most. I think exercising has no doubt helped my mood and given me a nice release for all the frustrations and sadness I've been feeling... but our zumba membership is almost over. I don't want to grow tired of it, so I won't be signing up for another session. I think it's the perfect winter workout when living in the Arctic like we do here in Chicago. I won't commit to a gym membership but I enjoy the class atmosphere as it gives me something to look forward to as a scheduled event. Anyone in a class they particularly love? I thought about yoga but a friend mentioned that the BLM brain may click on full blast during the slow movement and time for deep thought. Could be more detrimental than beneficial, no?