Letters to Andrew {4}

Baby Boy,

We've come full circle now. It's officially been marked 1 year since we held your precious body and admired your perfect face. There is so much pressure that leads up to the 1 year mark of missing your child. And to make it all the more solemn, it happens every year around the holidays when it seems everyone else in the world is carrying on peacefully and joyously.

We're definitely not feeling the spirit this year. Last year was shock and numbness, and this year is outright denial and boycotting. Not a single decoration is up in our home. We try not to allow the what ifs to creep in, but man is that hard to avoid this time of year-- especially as we know quite a few other babies born around the time of your birth that are now celebrating their first year of life with cake, chubby cheeks, and first steps. A reminder of all we've missed. We had all those same hopes, dreams, and wishes for you as well. You were going to make us the luckiest people in the world and we were so honored to be your parents. While still your parents, we're still in shambles over how to handle grieving the life of a child, you,  we so desperately wanted and loved from conception. It's just not natural to say goodbye to a child and it still doesn't feel fair.

I'll never get over losing you, sweet boy. In honor of you today, so many wonderful people have done so many wonderful things. I'm overwhelmed by their love and support for you. I am in tears everytime someone shares a way your life has impacted the lives of others.

You truly are our love child. You were created and formed entirely out of love and we are so grateful to call you our son. We will miss you forever. There's just no question about it. As beautiful as can be and now only a memory. What makes this all even harder is knowing everyday is that much further away from feeling your sweet kicks and seeing your incredibly beautiful face.

Loving you and missing you beyond what our words can ever express.
xoxo
Mom & Dad