Monday, December 5, 2011

Letters to Andrew {4}

Baby Boy,

We've come full circle now. It's officially been marked 1 year since we held your precious body and admired your perfect face. There is so much pressure that leads up to the 1 year mark of missing your child. And to make it all the more solemn, it happens every year around the holidays when it seems everyone else in the world is carrying on peacefully and joyously.

We're definitely not feeling the spirit this year. Last year was shock and numbness, and this year is outright denial and boycotting. Not a single decoration is up in our home. We try not to allow the what ifs to creep in, but man is that hard to avoid this time of year-- especially as we know quite a few other babies born around the time of your birth that are now celebrating their first year of life with cake, chubby cheeks, and first steps. A reminder of all we've missed. We had all those same hopes, dreams, and wishes for you as well. You were going to make us the luckiest people in the world and we were so honored to be your parents. While still your parents, we're still in shambles over how to handle grieving the life of a child, you,  we so desperately wanted and loved from conception. It's just not natural to say goodbye to a child and it still doesn't feel fair.

I'll never get over losing you, sweet boy. In honor of you today, so many wonderful people have done so many wonderful things. I'm overwhelmed by their love and support for you. I am in tears everytime someone shares a way your life has impacted the lives of others.

You truly are our love child. You were created and formed entirely out of love and we are so grateful to call you our son. We will miss you forever. There's just no question about it. As beautiful as can be and now only a memory. What makes this all even harder is knowing everyday is that much further away from feeling your sweet kicks and seeing your incredibly beautiful face.

Loving you and missing you beyond what our words can ever express.
xoxo
Mom & Dad

23 comments:

Alli (and Tommy too!) said... [Reply to comment]

Precious letter to A.

Your grace & strength in the last year have made him so proud to have you as parents and I know you will continue to make him proud for the rest of your lives.

Love you both and A lots!

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

Been thinking of you all morning. There are no words to say right now, just love and hugs.
<3Andrew<3

SG said... [Reply to comment]

Thinking of your sweet Andrew today.

Addi's mom said... [Reply to comment]

Missing Andrew with you today and the thoughts of how THIS day should be so different for us both. I remember Andrew today and will have pictures to come for you as we go through this day. xxxxooo

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

What a beautiful tribute to your lil Andrew! Ive been thinking alot about you this past week. Even as I celebrated my birthday last night there was a twinge in my heart knowing that this time last year a lil boy was going to heaven.
We're eating lots of yummy treats in honor of Andrew!
Lots of love, prayers and blessings!

eggsinarow said... [Reply to comment]

Happy birthday Sweet Boy! You are so loved and missed. Please know I'm sending your parents lots of love!

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

Thinking of you and your amazing son Andrew today and always. Missing him with you.

<3 Andrew <3

lissasue3 said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday Andrew <3

Chrissy said... [Reply to comment]

Most of the time I come over and just read. I never really found the words to express my thoughts, I didn't want to intervene or interrupt your grief (I hope this makes sense). I couldn't even begin trying to understand what you went through and I can hardly believe that it has been one whole year.
I have gotten to know you as such a strong and loving couple and I am very happy for the both of you that a new baby is on it's way, A's sibling, anyone would be proud to be his sister or brother! Good luck with everything and Happy Birthday, sweet A, you have a great Mom and Dad! xxx

LookItsJessica said... [Reply to comment]

Happy birthday sweet baby Andrew.

Wishing he could be with his family today and everyday.

ASP said... [Reply to comment]

Happy birthday, Andrew. Thinking of your sweet family today. XXXX

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

Dear Andrew,

I've said it before and I'll continue saying it, you have a wonderful set of parents and they love you oh so very much. I am thankful for your mom as she's been an absolute crutch for me ever since I found her blog and realized what I was experiencing was normal. I hope you and baby J are partying up there in heaven, and have some delicious cake and sweets your mommas are known to enjoy.

xox big guy,
Auntie Laura. :)

Sneaker Teacher said... [Reply to comment]

I've been thinking about you a lot today.

zooblflot said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Andrew Day. Hope you got to do something peaceful today in memory of him.

Hope's Mama said... [Reply to comment]

Remembering Andrew today and forever. Happy first birthday, sweet baby boy.
xo

Renel said... [Reply to comment]

I have been thinking of you and Andrew for several days. I don't know what a year of grief looks or feels like... But I am abiding with you. Wishing your sweet beautiful boy was alive and missing him with you. A giant hug from me to you!

Amelia said... [Reply to comment]

I've been thinking of you and Andrew all day. Beautiful letter. Sending love to the three of you.

Josh Jackson said... [Reply to comment]

Remembering Andrew this week, lighting a candle for him this month. Peace to you today.

Solange, Nik and Caitlin said... [Reply to comment]

Thought about you all day yesterday. Lots of love to you guys.

Marianne said... [Reply to comment]

Here from LFCA - I read through your entire blog and am touched by your story. I thought about baby Andrew all day yesterday.

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

Beautiful letter to Andrew. You guys truly are wonderful parents to that little boy. I thought about your family a lot these past few days and told Liam if he new Andrew to give him a big old hug because I am sure he is missing you guys just as you are missing him.

brianna said... [Reply to comment]

It seems like there have been so many anniversaries this month already and it makes me so very sad. My heart is hurting for you. I hope that you have been able to find some peaceful times this week. Thinking of your sweet little Andrew...

Sherri said... [Reply to comment]

I think I have my commenting issues resolved, and I scrolled back through to find this post again.... I really wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and your husband, and of course Andrew over the past month... I hate the fact that a whole year has past since we've held our angels...! It really doesn't seem possible! Sending you so much love, and belated heavenly birthday wishes to your sweet boy!