Tuesday, February 14, 2012

So Close I Can Almost Taste It

Motherhood, that is.

But we've been here once before and I know better than to allow myself to believe that there is any guarantee in bringing home baby. Like my friend Brooke mentioned in a recent post of hers, we're still wildly hoping Benjamin will be coming home with us.

I've been asked lots of questions lately as we approach baby day (other than questions about my irrelevant due date).

So, are your bags packed?
If you count the ones we had packed for Andrew that are still sitting, untouched upstairs in the nursery, then yes. But otherwise, nope.

Is the nursery ready?

Is the laundry done? 
It's been washed since November 2010. It remains clean and again, untouched in drawers and strewn around the nursery. If B does make it home with us alive, I will be re-washing it all. But y'all, baby clothes are small and take very little effort to clean. I have no shame in pulling his laundry out of the dryer and sticking it right on his baby body. But the nursery? The room is a mess. And I cannot, with any fiber in my being, bring myself to touch any of it. Nor do I find any of that important. He won't even be sleeping in there for the first 6+ months of life. We have, in our possession, everything B will need if he comes home with us. It may not be super organized, but I hardly care about any of that.

My husband mentioned to me the other day over dinner that we're getting down to the time where we should really consider "getting things in order" for B-man. But I can't. Here's my mentality: This kid will have everything he needs and will be totally taken care of. I'm being induced (and may very well be having a c-section if this baby who decided to turn breech last week remains that way) and I know my schedule. I highly doubt I'll be going into labor as I'm scheduled to be induced before 38 weeks. Could I? Sure. But I've been in labor before and know that I've got a few hours to "handle" things before heading to the hospital. But again, I highly doubt that'll occur. I'll most likely find the willpower to get my act together and re-pack my hospital bag after my amnio and before I'm admitted. I have way too many hours in between that time anyway and may drive myself nuts without the busywork.

Also, I have a husband who's fully capable of tending to things. And we live 3 miles from the hospital. I'm way less concerned with packing slippers and robes and all that stuff that will make my hospital stay more luxurious. I'm way past caring about all that jazz. My current birth plan is as follows: birth and bring home a live baby. All the rest shall fall into place.

...now... back to book 2 of The Hunger Games.


Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

It makes me sad to know that this time around we're missing out on that delicious anticipation and the fun of nesting and packing and organizing everything just so...

And then I remember that I won't care about any of that if I get to bring home a live baby. It's not always about the journey. Sometimes it's just about keeping your eyes on the prize.

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

I wish I had the same mentality. I keep wanting to not care about any of this, just in case, and because I know it's not important in the big picture. But the type A part of me wants to get it done and feel prepared. It's ridiculous cuz I feel anxious whether I do or don't.

Anyway, I've been thinking about you a lot lately, hoping you're doing ok. Big hugs.

My New Normal said... [Reply to comment]

Your birth plan sounds exactly like mine. Bring home living baby,, that is all.

I'm also with you on not preparing anything in advance. Unlike you we don't have anything left from my last pregnancy. We got rid of everything. So I guess The Hubby will have to do lots of shopping if all goes well and this baby lives.

boo and stacy said... [Reply to comment]

I'm a prayin' for ya!!!!

Love the idea of the Hunger Games passing time.

katie illingworth said... [Reply to comment]

Great call, lady, all of it (not that you need my approval or anything :)

I understand you on all of that. We packed up Georgie's nursery in July, put it all in hot pink totes, and it was all thrown in the new "nursery" of our new house in December.

I have yet to barely open the door or even decide what to do with those hot pink totes, much less actually think about buying some BOY things.

You have so much support here. We are all rooting for you and praying for your baby Benjamin. And yes, wildly hoping for you, and for us all.

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

I totally understand where you are coming from- and I believe that the same words have come out of my mouth when I talk about the babies "birth plan." I just say I plan to have them alive, bring them home alive and healthy and keep them that way... but like Kelly, my type A is getting the best of me... the To-Do list keeps growing and I keep obsessing over crossing things off!

Hope's Mama said... [Reply to comment]

As Brooke said, where possible, just try and keep your eye on the prize. I was like you and really did very little to prepare for Angus, as I just never believed he'd make it. I had everything ready for Hope and I left it all pretty much unchanged. You're so right, it will all work itself out when he arrives. I'm saying WHEN, not IF as I truly believe this little guy is a sure thing. I know you can't believe that for yourself, so let us do it for you.

Darcey said... [Reply to comment]

You are getting so close...looking forward to reading about Benjamin and his arrival. Keep your mind busy...definitely helped me that last week and a half.

Layton was frank breech until 35 weeks and then he went transverse and finally head down. To be honest part of me wished he stayed that way so we could just have had the c-section and avoid all the "possible" complications labor could bring.

I am very excited for you and hopefully as your induction day nears you will actually believe that things will work out this time (as hard as I know it is) and baby Benjamin will give you that taste of motherhood you so deserve!!!

Melissa @ A Dozen Years Later said... [Reply to comment]

You have absolutely everything that Benjamin needs :) and that is LOTS and LOTS of love. The nursery and the washed clothes can wait... all he needs is you and your husband :)

Solange, Nik and Caitlin said... [Reply to comment]

Wildly hoping for you!!!

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

We're all on edge wanting you to being this baby home safe and sound. Your hubby is more than capable of getting Benjamin any things he might need at the last possible moment, and I know you have all you're going to need anyway. He needs you + your boobs + blankets. Seems like you're ready for me! :)

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

Love is all baby Benjamin needs...the rest will fall into place!
Praying for y'all...

SSM said... [Reply to comment]

One of the big misconceptions is you need all this stuff and after situations occur you realize that you don't and that those things never were really that important.

It's nice to finally bring that baby home and ease into it.

Things are usually never important...there just things.

As long as baby Benjamin has you and your husband and the essentials you don't have to worry.

Once you realize you have time there is no real concern that you need it all now.

When you do bring the baby home, decorating can be enjoyed and not something done in fear or as something to check off of a checklist.

Thinking and praying for all of you.

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

yep yep yep. again i completely relate to what you have written. if it was up to me i wouldn't have packed at all, but D kept getting on my case about not having anything ready. so for him, i made an effort.

i can honestly say looking back that i wasn't able to enjoy my pg at all because of all of the stress. but now in retrospect i do. i look at our rainbow and fondly think of all of the things she used to do when i was pg. it's nice to put a face/person with the movement.

and now that my pg is over i have to say that my nesting has kicked into high gear. i have been cleaning, baking, organizing like crazy.

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

lol i forgot to say the most important part...

i'm so excited for you guys. i will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for a very uneventful labor and birth. i can't wait for you to hold your little man and i can't wait for you to bring Benjamin home.

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

My bed rest will prevent me from cleaning and organizing the nursery as I usually would, which may be a good thing. I do wish I could be able to sterilize the breast pump and things like that but it is what it is. Clothes and bedding will be washed once baby is home. You are almost there!!!!!! So jealous!

Kat Sparks said... [Reply to comment]

I just want to let you know that I am really praying for you and Baby B. I have followed your journey and I can not begin to imagine what you have endured. I think about yuo and your family on a regular basis throughout the day and I am prayerful that you will be holding live baby and bringing him home very soon.
Thank you for being so open during this season of your life. It is difficult when someone around you loses a child. As a non BLM, I often did not know what to say or do other than try to be there for her. Now, because of you, I know and understand how I am supposed to react. Again, thank you and I am praying for all of you!

Becky said... [Reply to comment]

Love the birth plan.

And just bought book one of the Hunger Games series, haven't started it yet, but here its good.

Danielle said... [Reply to comment]

The love you two have for him is so amazing!! can i come home with you? :D

Addi's mom said... [Reply to comment]

I don't blame you for not being able to do all of that stuff...been there done it before and had no baby to bring home....sounds terribly familiar :( I know none of that stuff matters in the end so no matter what you do or don't do, Benjamin will be more than taken care of! I can't believe THIS is your month. I am sure it is dragging for you, but I am able to have so much hope for you and the fact that you WILL be posting pictures of Andrew's healthy, happy, living baby brother!