Motherhood, that is.
But we've been here once before and I know better than to allow myself to believe that there is any guarantee in bringing home baby. Like my friend Brooke mentioned in a recent post of hers, we're still wildly hoping Benjamin will be coming home with us.
I've been asked lots of questions lately as we approach baby day (other than questions about my irrelevant due date).
So, are your bags packed?
If you count the ones we had packed for Andrew that are still sitting, untouched upstairs in the nursery, then yes. But otherwise, nope.
Is the nursery ready?
Is the laundry done?
It's been washed since November 2010. It remains clean and again, untouched in drawers and strewn around the nursery. If B does make it home with us alive, I will be re-washing it all. But y'all, baby clothes are small and take very little effort to clean. I have no shame in pulling his laundry out of the dryer and sticking it right on his baby body. But the nursery? The room is a mess. And I cannot, with any fiber in my being, bring myself to touch any of it. Nor do I find any of that important. He won't even be sleeping in there for the first 6+ months of life. We have, in our possession, everything B will need if he comes home with us. It may not be super organized, but I hardly care about any of that.
My husband mentioned to me the other day over dinner that we're getting down to the time where we should really consider "getting things in order" for B-man. But I can't. Here's my mentality: This kid will have everything he needs and will be totally taken care of. I'm being induced (and may very well be having a c-section if this baby who decided to turn breech last week remains that way) and I know my schedule. I highly doubt I'll be going into labor as I'm scheduled to be induced before 38 weeks. Could I? Sure. But I've been in labor before and know that I've got a few hours to "handle" things before heading to the hospital. But again, I highly doubt that'll occur. I'll most likely find the willpower to get my act together and re-pack my hospital bag after my amnio and before I'm admitted. I have way too many hours in between that time anyway and may drive myself nuts without the busywork.
Also, I have a husband who's fully capable of tending to things. And we live 3 miles from the hospital. I'm way less concerned with packing slippers and robes and all that stuff that will make my hospital stay more luxurious. I'm way past caring about all that jazz. My current birth plan is as follows: birth and bring home a live baby. All the rest shall fall into place.
...now... back to book 2 of The Hunger Games.
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