Madeline Mae

I recently wrote about the name we chose for our newest baby, Claire Mae, and how we chose to name her after my great granny, Madeline Mae.

My family said goodbye to Madeline Mae yesterday after a series of unfortunate events that finally led to her passing. At a very spunky 98-years old, she lived a full and wonderful life. To that, we are so very grateful.

While death will always make me sad because I won't personally get to see her face or hear her beautiful voice or infectious laugh again, I am so grateful we had so many years with her. Her life couldn't have been more full and the years she was granted were far longer than many. And yet, we're still sad for ourselves because we miss the person she was and the spirit she brought.

I'm not kidding about that laugh. It was almost a nervous laugh. She'd laugh at just about everything and gave the tightest hugs you've ever experienced-- even at such an old age. The joy that she displayed in her life was one you wanted to witness. Before my great-grandpa passed away, they would visit nursing homes together and spend time with those friends who needed the love.

Just about a week ago, my mom and uncle went up to Northern California to visit her and say their goodbyes, knowing that her time might be coming soon. They brought her donuts. She was so thrilled, she stuffed an entire donut hole in her mouth-- on a woman who never hit 5-feet tall, you can imagine her petite frame. She went all-in. With life and with donuts.

I am honored to name my daughter after such a lovely woman and undoubtedly one of my favorite relatives. I wrote her a card telling her about our daughter and her namesake. She likely never received this card due to some unfortunate circumstances, but I'm thankful my mom was able to travel there and tell her in person that our daughter will always carry a part of her. For 28 weeks, there were five generations of women alive in our family. While I won't be traveling to her funeral this far along with a large belly and a rambunctious toddler, I do remember all that she is and was to us.

When talking with my husband last night, we both had a moment in talking about Andrew. This tends to happen when we hear of someone else passing away, especially someone dear to our hearts. It makes us think of where they are... and where he is. My husband said he hoped she was hanging out with our boy. I hope she was holding him and loving him like I crave to be doing myself. But knowing the woman she was, there isn't a doubt in my mind that she is doing that. In fact, there's no one else I'd rather he be with right now than her.

A bittersweet passing, but just knowing she might be up there with a second calling of caring for my boy puts me in tears. He needs your hugs, Granny.