Tuesday, July 22, 2014

What a Mess!

I feel like some days as a stay-at-home-mom should just go on record. These are the grainy days that I hope to never forget as we move past diapers and playdates.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I sort of had things together. The kids were both fed and we were out the door to the playhouse down the street for Benjamin to unload some of the energy he manages to harvest. One of the staff members at the children's museum saw him last week and told me she remembered him as "the active one."

We arrive at the playhouse and the routine goes as usual. Benjamin even had the card ready to "hand to lady" when we walked in. Mom was kicking butt. I unbuckle Benjamin from his carseat and walk him to the curb, where he is always instructed to stay because the "street is dangerous" while I get sister and all the things that come along with babies out of the car and onto my person.

It was then that I noticed my rear passenger tire was flat. From my vantage point, I had no idea why and could see no nails. We headed into the playhouse because hello, I have a two-year-old who would basically lose his mind if we up and left before actually getting to play.

I called the husband who didn't answer. Meetings. Business people in town he's responsible for entertaining and spending his days with this week. And really, I knew what to do, but was more calling to let him know the craziness.

But hey. I pay AAA every year just for this very reason. To get me out of a bind. I could probably change the tire myself (and do I even have a spare in the trunk?), but what about these two little people I'm responsible for? What will I do with them in the meantime? AAA it was. They were gracious and sending someone out immediately. I was to wait by my phone for the arrival.

We carry on playing. Benjamin is in a playroom and I am in there trying desperately to get the littlest to fall asleep in the Ergo. And then it happened. What felt like someone pouring a water bottle down my leg and splash onto the floor. It was Claire. She apparently filled her diaper, and managed to have a perfect angle to then pee out the side of the Ergo and onto me and the floor. In the middle of a kid's play area where other kids and parents were around.

Keep it cool, Brandy. No one saw. I walk over about 10 feet to my oversized-purse-turned-diaper-bag and rummage for the size 2 diaper I had stashed in there. I forgot to refill the mini diaper bag and it only had 4s. Fine. I grabbed a size 4 of Benjamin's and was just going to change her right there on the floor near the puddle of urine to ensure no one accidentally came upon it. Benjamin continues playing with a dump truck nearby. It was then that I noticed she had not only filled the diaper to the brim, but it was also full of the very green sweet peas she had for dinner the previous night. Now I needed to relocate to an actual changing area, lest the parents around see me more unfit than I already appeared. I scoot over to the other room about 30 feet away, find a size 2 diaper in one of the drawers in the "baby room" and change Claire. Benjamin follows, but my purse and belongings and the urine puddle on the floor of a playroom were still left behind. I change her rapidly and Benjamin decided it was then that he needed to wash his hands. WITH LOTS OF SOAP. Except, he can't turn on the water himself. One hand in the midst of green poop nightmare, urine all over my clothes and a toddler who is covered in Softsoap.

Both children are cleaned and we collect ourselves and walk back into urine playroom. I immediately grab a baby wipe, hand sanitizer and get to work cleaning the urine puddle on the floor... hoping children had not managed to wade through those murky waters... all whilst watching Benjamin run around the different rooms and holding the very sleepy but not sleeping baby with my other arm. I collect our belongings and then find the size 2 diaper in my bag. Of course.

Just then my phone rings. It's AAA. I manage to bribe Benjamin with fruit snacks and the excitement of a big truck waiting at Mommy's car and we make it outside miraculously. He's wearing only socks outside because I simply had no time or hands or energy to put on his shoes. Why can't someone I know be at the playhouse that morning?

This part went smoothly. The AAA guy changes my tire to the spare (which is still on and needing some attention) and is on his way in minutes. I was thinking about how thankful I was he didn't call in the midst of our urine floor, no size 2 diapers, pee all over me and the floor, belongings strewn everywhere, toddler covered in soap and green pea diaper debacle.

We manage the morning. We go home. I somehow get food in both kids' bellies before naptime approaches and they both go down to nap. Except just Claire naps. Benjamin yaps on and on in his bed about various things on his mind as I listen on the Dropcam. At one point, he even says "poop" and does approach his door to check and see if it's unlocked. It wasn't. He lays back down. I didn't think much of it, as this sort of thing rarely happens.

Our friend Danielle comes over with her son to hang out around 4:00. This was just the time I was heading upstairs to wake the toddler, much later than he is normally allowed to sleep (because he didn't fall asleep for awhile). We all approach the door and open. EVACUATE THE BUILDING. The stench was unbearable. Not only did he poop when he was gabbering on about it, but it was HEINOUS. He also now knows the word heinous, because I used it in the midst of the stinkfest. I throw open his window, turn on his air purifier and his ceiling fan and change his stinky bum. As soon as we can, I make sure we're all out of the room and even go downstairs because the smell could not be tolerated.

Claire proceeds to add her share to the bodily function extravaganza and spits up at least a half dozen times throughout the day when normally she is not very spitty. I'm literally changing diapers or wiping spit-up all.day.long.

Our friends leave around dinner time and Benjamin has YET ANOTHER intolerable poop to round out one of the most icky days I've had in awhile.

Lord have mercy.


Jenny said... [Reply to comment]

Yup, that makes the story list for "when the kids are older and I need an awful one from their childhood!"

Why is it that babies and toddlers are so awake and alert during growth transitions?? So much self-help! Thank goodness he kept the diaper on... my mom tells stories of me just taking wet/soiled ones off, then napping bare bum, at the babysitter's starting at 18 months after she went back to work.

Thanks for sharing a chuckle :-)

Jenny said... [Reply to comment]

Make that "self-talk", thank you auto correct...

Brie said... [Reply to comment]

Nodding my head in sympathy. And laughing at you, just a little bit. Thanks for keeping it real.

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I love a day in the life post! Never boring with those two.

Melissa said... [Reply to comment]

I read half of this between my fingers like watching a scary movie.

That. Is. A. Day!

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

These babes really keep us humble don't they?!

Natasha said... [Reply to comment]

Omg it's like they always know when the other is doing something. Everything happens at the same time!

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

lol oh Benjin!

Veronica said... [Reply to comment]

oh my goodness! Kids and poo! Will it ever end?! lol

I'm very thankful at the moment that Theo poos these adult like "logs" into his diaper, and even when active and moving around, they turn into pancake type patties in the diaper, and never smear around as they are like firm playdoh. I rarely use more than 1 wipe to clean his bottom (I usually use 2, but the second is just for my peace of mind for cleanliness). But in describing all this grossness, I am saying that I haven't had a "blow-out" of any measure since he was around 6-7 months. He's a consistent, predictable pooper! They are usually GAG worthy, and I have to hold my breath while changing him... but I have rarely had to change a poo diaper in public.

That sounds like a HELL of a SAHM type of day! Oh, if the average working mom knew what fun they were missing out on!! haha!