Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Letters to Andrew + Invitation

If you will join me, please unite in lighting candles to remember the babies at 7 p.m. this evening.

Small Bird Studio
Dear Andrew,

I almost wrote "sweet" Andrew, but really, who knows who you would have been. You might have been spunky, but I presume more circumspect than your younger brother. I think you would've been an intellect and someone who was easy to please. I guess I can't picture you being anything but wonderful because that's the dream I had for you as a baby growing for those nearly 39 weeks.

One thing is certain; the person you would have been has left a gaping hole in our family. I always said I wanted two children, but missing you makes me sure I want three. Except, I have three and you're not here. If I had one more, I would feel like I want four. I will always want you.

Missing and loving and lighting a candle that is not enough, because we love you.



second floor dweller said... [Reply to comment]

That next to last paragraph struck a chord with me. It's so easy to be so certain about what we want, particularly with the number of children that we want. No matter how many children you have, you are certain that you want one more, because you want him. It's a constant, no matter how the equation changes. I get that.

We ran in a race in September in memory of a 3 month old lost to SIDS. His parents were very sure they wanted two children, and then they had him, their third. When he was gone, it was like this cruel joke, like they ultimately got what they initially wished for. Two, not three. Except of course they never really cared about numbers, or his number. They just want him.

I'm sorry Andrew is not here.

Laura Jane said... [Reply to comment]

<3 Andrew <3

I love his name. Missing him with you.

Sarah said... [Reply to comment]

Oh my, this post and that first comment are so true. When Greg and I were first married, he wanted three kids, and I wanted two. How awful that it actually came true.

Missing Genevieve, Andrew, and so many other babies tonight.

Kari said... [Reply to comment]

I didn't see this yesterday, but I will think of him today.
And you.
Sending you loving hugs.

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

Always thinking of sweet Andrew! xoxo

Veronica said... [Reply to comment]

This love letter is beautiful. Missing him with you. On the 15th, many babies were on my mind and in my heart (too many :(), Andrew included, with love xox