Friday, March 6, 2015

Flash Before My Eyes

I think since Andrew died, I've been able to see possible, but unlikely scenarios flash before me that I would have never considered if he were alive today.

I was vacuuming recently and Benjamin was at a playdate at a preschool friend's house. I turned around and saw Claire chewing on the vacuum cord.

Right then, I immediately went there, planning the execution of how it would go down when I rushed her body to the emergency room and what I would say on my frantic call to his preschool friend's mom. I even envisioned pictures of the interior of that emergency room (we'd been to 4 months ago when Claire spiked a 104+ fever).

All of this was considered in a matter of 5 seconds. I hate that the worst-case scenario always turns into a neon flashing sign in my head.

Phew. It's been a heavy few months around here.


Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

I hear you! I flinch a lot in the car! I have bad startle reflex and now with a baby added it's worse! Just when I think I'm over it and the PTSD has settled...bam another occurance of something happens! Praying for you!

Mama Bear said... [Reply to comment]

I hear ya, it is scary how easy it is to go there. And scary that I almost feel like I know better what to do when the world falls apart than I do when things are great. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. xoxo