Friday, December 5, 2014

Letters to Andrew: 4th Birthday Edition

Just over a month before Andrew was born, we were sitting in a soccer stadium in downtown Chicago watching my cousin's game with my aunt and my cousin's girlfriend (now wife-- Benjamin went to the wedding in 2012). I remember telling her how nervous I was to give birth because it was scary and foreign and sounded, well, painful.

I vividly remember her telling me that no matter how much pain, in the end, we will get to take home the most wonderful gift ever when it's all over. Those words are burned in my memory, because that never happened. All the pain, none of the gain. {Well, the love during pregnancy and beyond is most assuredly a gain, but not without an immense amount of emotional pain that will never end.}

Not pain and then gain. How I wish that were so.

----

Dear Andrew,

You are absolutely missed. Every single day of my life, I miss you. There will never be a birthday that we don't celebrate you, or a holiday, first day of school, soccer practice, park visit, family vacation that you go unmissed.

On your fourth birthday, I miss the preschool-aged boy you would be. I miss the boy who would be starting to read and getting excited for selecting his birthday party theme and blowing out those four candles tonight. I miss every bit of it.

Always Loving,
Mom, Dad, Benjamin & Claire.

12 comments:

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday, Andrew. You are loved,you are loved, you are loved.

LookItsJessica said... [Reply to comment]

Oh goodness. It's so sad and unfair and always will be. Happy 4th birthday Andrew.

Sneaker Teacher said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday Andrew. <3

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

Thinking of you and your family tonight as you celebrate Andrew tonight. Wishing he was there to blow out candles on his cake.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Melissa said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday Andrew. The space you leave is gaping and palpable.

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

Happy Birthday sweet Andrew! You are so loved and missed by many! I have eaten lots of sweets in honor of you...and proud of it! :) xoxo

Solange, Nik, Caitlin and Oliver said... [Reply to comment]

Happy 4th Andrew! I had a chocolate chunk cookie ice cream sandwich for him tonight. He would have certainly enjoyed it.
Love you guys.

Katie Truelove said... [Reply to comment]

Remembering Andrew and aching with/for you<3

Sarah said... [Reply to comment]

Missing Andrew with you.

Veronica said... [Reply to comment]

Happy birthday Andrew xox. How you are missed around the globe and back. Brandy, wishing and wanting so bad for that 4 year old - who would most definitely be more cooperative than his little brother.

Danielle said... [Reply to comment]

Missing a big brother, a big piece of an amazing family, good friends and even better parents than any kiddo could want! We love you Andrew!

Laura Jane said... [Reply to comment]

Dear Andrew. I miss you, too. Your absence is felt, each and every day. We wish so much you could be here to show Benjin how delicious veggies are, and show Claire how to stand up for herself against Benjin's attacks! We love and miss you little man.

<3 forever.