Sunday, July 3, 2011

I Made the Cut

My last haircut was July 26, 2010. Our wedding anniversary. It was the same day we had our 20-week anatomy scan of Andrew and found out Baby W was a BOY! And yes, that was planned accordingly. I knew it would be memorable. What a wonderful 2nd wedding anniversary it was.

I'm terrible about having my hair cut regularly. First, I hate spending the money since I have long hair that is never really styled. When I do go in, I don't visit a fancy hairstylist. I don't go to "insert name" because I just love the way she cuts my hair. I've never, to my knowledge, had a bad haircut. I stopped highlighting my hair about 6 years ago once I realized natural hair was a lot cheaper and oh yeah, I didn't really care what other people thought about me. I also loathed sitting in that chair smelling terrible toxins for over 2 hours. I've come very close to falling asleep many times. I nearly passed out once. I usually go about 3x/year for a cut to the local haircuttery. Nothing fancy. No appointments. Just walk-ins and no updated smalltalk. Lord knows I don't need another person to ask me how my baby is doing. 

Once Andrew was born still, I decided that I couldn't bear to part with my hair. It meant I was chopping away part of myself-- the part of me that was present during his life and I couldn't do that. I couldn't control his heartbeat and really have no control over anything else, but I could control my haircuts. I know, a little nutty. {Makes me wonder why I didn't consider the same for my leg hair. Insert projectile vomiting here. Yes, I went there.}

I thought that I might grow out my hair until I became pregnant again or until July 26, 2011 rolled around. I made it until July 2. Not too shabby. I give myself credit for making it to July. And obviously I've addressed that I'm not pregnant. While it sounded so wonderful to connect my babies that way, it just wasn't in the cards. Learning to let go of control in that arena because it's clear I don't have any choice.

Instead of just chopping it, I wanted to do something in Andrew's honor to help other children. Obviously many people do this everyday and my hair is only good enough to create part of a wig for a sick child, but I wanted to contribute. I couldn't see myself just throwing away my hair and since it was already so long, I needed to use it for the benefit of others. Especially if helping meant making a child smile.

So in honor of Andrew, my extremely long hair has been chopped and donated. My husband loves my long hair and wanted me to cut only the minimum-- 10 inches. I really wanted 12 inches. A foot just sounded so monumental. But, marriages mean compromising. We chose 11 inches.

And in true cheap Brandy fashion, the ceremony was done at the local Great Clips. Only a little somber for me... the lady who cut my hair on July 26, 2010 was the same woman who cut my hair today. I remember her asking last year if I had children. I told her I was about 20 weeks along with our first child... I'd learn of the gender later that day! So excited, so anxious. Today, I was so incredibly nervous she'd ask that question again... but she didn't. Perhaps having my paparazzi husband with me (sans child... tear) provided that answer.

That settles things. We will go everywhere together from now until eternity.

Cuh-lassy bra stap, Brandy. Classy.
 After four separate measurements and rubber bands, the cut begins...
 Can't see the hair, but that's only because it was like 100 degrees and oh yeah, I hate styling my hair. You can see the little ponytail sticking out from the back though!
Ready for shipment!
I love you my beautiful boy.


Molly said... [Reply to comment]

Omg, crying... so sweet! Good for u!

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Good for you indeed! And I am the exact same way about my hair - I never really care where I get it done. I've dyed it once in my life and not even until I was 25 and never have again because I'm probably just too lazy. Maybe one day I'll grow up. Probably not. :)

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

And oh my - I just read your sweet comments on the donation form. How did I miss that before?! So touching - you're amazing.

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

So amazing B. And the comment on the form, that's going to break some hearts when they receive your lovely donation.

I highlight the shit out of my hair, maybe if I stop I can do the same.. :)

Natasha said... [Reply to comment]

I love your comment on the donation form. Such a wonderful thing to do in honor of your little Andrew!

Kelly said... [Reply to comment]

Wow, I had no idea your hair was that long from pictures you've posted! What a beautiful way to honor Andrew. :) <3

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

such a wonderful way to honor your son. so sure that he is beaming with pride for his momma. i was the exact opposite about my hair. i also do a terrible job of keeping up with getting regular haircuts. my hair was down my back by the time Julius was born and then passed away. but once he passed away i found my hair so suffocating (i have very thick coarse curly hair), and had a friend come over and chop it off. i just couldn't breathe with the weight of it. funny what grief does to you isn't it? regardless i think you look so cute. :)

Amelia said... [Reply to comment]

Just beautiful.

Ben and Katie said... [Reply to comment]

Not only are you blessing your sweet Andrew but you are going to bless someone else!
I have been to only one fancy salon and didn't like the cut results-bleck! So, my friend always did it with some highlights and cut straight across! These days it goes back and I don't do much with it...
I am proud of you and I think you are simply amazing!

Tiffany said... [Reply to comment]

A great way to honor your little man. I'm sure he is beaming with pride.... I must also say that I am insanely jealous that you are able to grow your hair that long and have it look so healthy!!

Keleen said... [Reply to comment]

Ok...this post was a bit creepy to me BECAUSE I have had the SAME thoughts about my weird. I relate to EVERYTHING you said. Had my hair cut last before my baby shower and now it is super long and bothering me, but Brian likes it long (and so do I) so I can't cut too much off and I don't want to cut it until I am pregnant again cause it's the hair I had with Addison. I am so glad to know those crazy thoughts are not just mine! When I talked to Brian about it 2 weeks ago he said I should donate to locks of love, but I still hadn't decided if I could cut it before getting pregnant. I feel like if I am going to get a "mom cut" it needs to be when the promise of a baby is here, but it is driving me crazy and I don't want to be the lady that can sit on her hair...yuck! You tend to write the posts that make me think about the things I am doing that I didn't even realize I was doing (like this one and the taboo clothing). Glad you were able to "make the cut" and donate in Andrew's name. So great!

Olaina.PhotosAndArt said... [Reply to comment]

I feel old saying, "That's lovely," but I mean the word so exactly in so many ways I can't think of something else to say. My hair might be long enough for that one day... we'll see.

Congratulations! It's quite an accomplishment. Really.

katie illingworth said... [Reply to comment]

Love it Brandy! That is such a great thing to do with your hair. I have gotten mine dyed since Georgiana died because she left me with a lovely white streak of grief (no I'm not kidding) that starts at the very front near my part. I just couldn't let that one grow out, so got the dye job. Who knows, maybe at some point I'll let it grow out and it will be an interesting conversation piece...

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

Amazing! Bet your new cut is adorable.

Alli (and Tommy too!) said... [Reply to comment]

Very proud of you and your sweet donation in honor of Andrew.

One thing, I want to see the cut, not your hair in a ponytail! Geez.

Solange, Nik and Caitlin said... [Reply to comment]

That's so great B!!! Very sweet comment :)
I want to see your hair!