Friday, July 1, 2011

The Good Stuff

I was uber productive today. {if that word makes you want to call me a goober, remember we lived in Germany so I feel like I've earned my right to say that word. So there. UBER. end of justification}

Bought some gifts for a lovely bride who will be married next month and maybe helped myself to some things at Victoria's Secret as well. Hello semi-annual sale! I also perused HomeGoods and World Market because places like that should have a restraining order against me. But we all know I'm so much better at window shopping than actually spending the G's. What did I buy? Mustard. Lowensenf to be exact. My friend Liz is bringing the kraut and we're set to go. No, I won't be partaking in the brat feast, but I will be eating one of my homemade veggie burgers. With this deliciousness on top:
I already own three types of mustard and thought it would be fun to have a fourth option for our beer & brats party tonight. There are currently 52 beers in my fridge and 12 on reserve.

Not the reason for the blog, though I'd classify all things above as good stuff.

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I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan of Kenny Chesney and I'm still really confused about that whole 5 second marriage to Renee Zellweger. But, I heard one of his songs on the radio as I was driving home from my little shopping spree and I had to turn it off. Totally bittersweet, much like I'm noticing about everything in my life right now.

Having a party with friends. Sweet. But a little bitter not having a cute 7-monther to chomp on a brat making funny faces at the taste of sauerkraut and mustard. And yes, I'd let my kid eat that.

Celebrating Fourth of July. Sweet. Such a nice weekend to be out at a local fair listening to Montgomery Gentry on the lawn. Bitter because Andrew won't be there with us to enjoy his first country concert.

You see... life's just like that. While I know it does me no good to consider the what if's, it's pretty impossible not to.

That song.

'Cause it's the first long kiss on a second date
Momma's all worried when you get home late
And droppin' the ring in the spaghetti plate 'cause
your hands are shakin' so much
And it's the way that she looks with the rice in her hair
Eatin' burnt supper the whole first year
And askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up
Yeah man, that's the good stuff 


Love. Makes me think of the beginning of our marriage, though none of that really fits our relationship. But that excitement and freshness of coming home to my husband and that newness of life and love. So much future ahead. So much excitement. The promises. The love. The babies.

Was the sight of her holdin' my baby girl
The way she adored that string of pearls
I gave her the day that our youngest boy Earl married his high school love
It's a new t-shirt sayin' I'm a grandpa...


This is where I turned the song off. Holding our baby, bittersweet. So proud, so sad. The fact that I'll probably never feel completely comfortable buying a t-shirt like that for my dad, heartwrenching. Not that he isn't a grandpa and won't be a grandpa again, but it's a loaded answer. My mom and I had a really good talk yesterday about this whole 7 months of madness and where we're both at. It pains me more than anything to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this. How it's also affecting them. She said that people ask her all the time if she's a grandma. She answers that she is to a little boy, Andrew. And then leaves it at that. Hoping that no more questions are asked so she can avoid those sad looks. The discomfort. But oh-so happy that he existed.

The good stuff. It's there. Just often buried underneath cobwebs and tears. But it's there.

6 comments:

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

Good stuff, but sad stuff. Same here. Happy to have sloane and to be on the beach, but sad hayes isn't here with us.

Solange, Nik and Caitlin said... [Reply to comment]

I love that song but it's sad at the same time-like many country songs. I'm glad you're able to focus on the good stuff like German mustard and beer! Have a great weekend B :)

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

Yes to the cobwebs and tears (I think maybe you've got another country song in the making). I know there's good stuff, but sometimes that makes it all the worse that Eliza's not here sharing in it.

I love that you have four mustards.

Olaina.PhotosAndArt said... [Reply to comment]

Your mom has a really good answer to that question. It sounds like she is a wonderfully, emotionally attuned person. Also, I think we have four mustards, too. At least three. Too lazy to check....

Keleen said... [Reply to comment]

It always amazes me how often my parents get asked if they are grandparents and even my siblings getting asked about having nieces or nephews...I HATE that they have the same sad answer I do...not fair, but I am thankful that they count Addi!

PS My office had a client come in named Andrew and I had to open a file for him and write his name a million times...made me think of you. It really is a great name :)

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

I love Kenny, saw him in concert a couple years ago. I think the whole "marriage" was a fraud... because I think he's gay. ;)

I hate that I listen to lyrics and interpret them for Jack... It's crazy.