Monday, March 21, 2011

Chocolate Cake Nightmares

So you all know that I gave up chocolate (and all sweets) until June 1st. It's been 21 days.

Not for lent. Not really for losing weight. Mostly because I wanted to see if I could do it. I like challenges. I read a blog of a woman who tried this challenge because she felt sugar gave her headaches and wanted to see if omitting sweets from her diet would curb the issue. I thought about how I've never given myself an eating challenge before. I've never really dieted, either. Lucky for me, my parents have some pretty great genes that don't require drastic measures to keep things on the lower end of the scale. It doesn't mean I'm toned, though, so don't go thinking I have some crazy Baywatch body. By a smaller body, I meant just about everything is smaller, even if I wish the ratio wasn't always so even. I also thought this challenge would be good timing because I needed to control something (yes, a flaw), and I didn't want to resort to being an emotional eater. It gave me something to plan, fix, design, control.

Don't get me wrong... I have changed my eating habits in the past, but haven't really forced myself to give anything up before cold turkey (except being pregnant and willfully denying harmful things like Diet Coke-- which was hard, very hard). When I was in college, I remember eating super healthy. I'd workout 1-2 hours a day, eat cottage cheese, a slice of toast, and broccoli for lunch. I had a great body, but my genetics paired with my young age also had a little something to do with things.

But now here we are. Age 28. I'm 21 days in and I am seriously having issues. I don't have issues during the day, but at night, I actually dream have nightmares about chocolate cake and other sweets! Like 3-4 dreams now, no joke. I dream that I broke the challenge and to me, breaking any commitment is a sign of cowardice. I am not a quitter. I'm stubborn as can be (thank goodness, otherwise losing Andrew would have sent me into celibacy) and refuse a life of passiveness and defeat. So this chocolate cake in my subconscious needs to get the heck out!

During the day, however, I'm great. Let me paint the picture of our kitchen pantry for you all (you hoped for a photo? Not. a. chance!):
top rack: oatmeal, dried cherries, cereals, Cheezits (shh), granola bars
2nd rack: boxed meals, pasta, other meal items
3rd rack: canned goods, soups
bottom rack: junk food, sweets, candy, chocolate {basically my husband's nemesis}

I open the pantry for a snack and this is what happens in my brain:
1. Eyes immediately focus on bottom rack. Scans junk food for something enticing.
2. Says, "Crap, I'm doing that stupid challenge."
3. Eyes go back to the top. I find the Cheezits. Grab the Cheezits. Open the Cheezits. Pour some in a bowl (you know, junk food portion control. hahaha).
4. Eat.

The only thing that makes this picture better than say, a year ago, is that I'm not pairing it with a Diet Coke and a piece of chocolate (you know, the salty/sweet combo). And the only thing that makes this picture better than 21 days ago is that I'm not pairing it with that piece of chocolate. Cheezits, solo.

And you know what? Even though I didn't solely take on this challenge to lose baby weight, I did have a few LBs to lose. Particularly in the thigh and buttocks regions. Those babies are slimming down and it's a good thing. Does it make me feel any better about having lost Andrew? Not even a portion of a percent. I thought it would, but it didn't. Does it make me feel pretty dang good about fitting into that pair of holey jeans I promised my husband I'd leave in New Zealand on our honeymoon {but obviously never did} 32 months ago? Abso-freaking-lutely.

Hopefully my subconscious will take on that chocolate cake demon in my dreams. What do you think would be a good weapon? Bikini?

Speaking of bikini... I was flipping channels and saw a quote from Kim Kardashian pop up on one of those Hollywood gossip shows. Aside from my complete confusion as to why these girls are rich from doing nothing, I had to post her pearl of wisdom related to eating right. I can't quote it perfectly, but something like, "Whenever I think about eating bad (using correct grammar would be too much for her IMO), I think, bikini, bikini, bikini!"

What a gem she is. And what priorities she has in life. Makes a momma proud, doesn't it?


LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

I chuckled at the celibacy comment. You have more willpower than I... I'm on my 2nd gigantic bag of Mini Eggs from Costco... In a week. Don't judge...:)

LookItsJessica said... [Reply to comment]

I needed this post! I have not said "no" to any bad food at all since we lost Liam. I really need to start eating healthy too. Sounds like you're doing great with the "no sweets" challenge!

Olaina.PhotosAndArt said... [Reply to comment]

I dream of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Sneaker Teacher said... [Reply to comment]

I am constantly trying to give up sweets and sugar..I can do it for awhile, but always end up caving. I need to work on that. I actually love having dreams about eating something really indulgent because it actually makes me feel like I did indulge and helps curb the craving.

I don't comment on every post, but I read them all and I think about you all the time.


Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I thought fitting back into my old jeans would feel like... well, if not a victory, at least somewhat satisfying. I did maybe feel a little relieved (mostly because I do not really have the energy to go shopping) but I also felt guilty that I was even thinking about that stuff. I know what you mean about the challenge--it's helpful to find another focus, even if it feels somewhat trivial. And I can totally relate to the never-going-to-get-pregnant-again freakout. Hoping it happens for you soon.