Friday, March 18, 2011

So Why Aren't You a REAL Teacher?

Some of my favorite questions arise is typical conversations with outsiders. You know, people who aren't in the DB club.

Today I was subbing 6th grade and was out for recess duty with another substitute. The usual conversation starts and typically covers our various moving situations (CA to Germany to IL) and why I am a substitute rather than a real teacher. Sometimes I feel like talking about my firstborn baby dying, and sometimes I don't feel like going down that road and seeing the horrific faces and sad comments that ensue. Today was among the latter.

I mentioned our moving situation and how I would not be seeking full time employment in my field of expertise at this time because we are looking to start a family. Well, we already did, but that didn't work out as we planned, so we're back to square one. Usually the person also has children and wants to insert an unassuming, usually unoffensive comment once I mention the whole family planning reason as to why I'm a qualified teacher with years of experience, but choosing to be without a full-time job.

Here was today's little ditty. It's my favorite of the comments. If only they knew...

"Well, you can have my two kids whenever you want to try things out!"

Ah, yes. If only you knew, Mrs. happy-go-lucky-mom-who-obviously-isn't-in-the-DB-club. (Or at least to give her credit, hasn't renewed her membership recently.) I'd love to have my own kiddos, thanks. I don't need your help nor do I need "practice" on what it's like to be a mom. I'm pretty sure I'll figure that all out when it comes to me... if I'm ever so lucky.

Not that she was really offering her kids to me, but it's a sensitive topic.

For those who aren't friends with me outside of the blogosphere and don't know my crazy, clean-freak, Type-A, hate mornings self... a little more info. for you all.

I received my BA in Journalism, my teaching credential for K-9, and my MA degree in Educational Tech. I taught 4th and 5th grades in California before we packed up and moved to Germany for 6 months. There, I didn't teach, obviously. We arrived in IL just 2 weeks before I found myself pregnant with Andrew. Since we are blessed that my husband's job is enough to sustain us, we decided this would be a perfect time to start a family since I did not have a job to start/quit and all our ducks were in a row. Love the visual.


Since I was just trying to pass time until our baby was born, I decided to earn a little extra cash substitute teaching. I also taught a MA course for teachers in technology, my area of expertise. I had full intentions of staying home with our son once he was born, so short-term was fitting. Well, you all know what happened next. Since Andrew died, I didn't want a job, I wanted my baby! I could get a full time job now, but I also could get pregnant {and feel it's irresponsible to accept a job when my full intentions are to quit it...and my heart is just not in it right now}. Once I become pregnant and give birth to future Wilson babies, I will be staying home. I missed everything with Andrew. It's simply not an option for me since we are blessed with the financial means for me to stay home. Some day again I'd love to go back to teaching, but not until my children are in school full time. I don't want to miss a thing. Life is just too precious. It's a whole lot more important to me than having a lot of money. Life is all about love and experiences. I always knew this was true, but I am even more of a believer having lost that chubby-cheeked baby boy.


LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

Impressive, I didn't realize you are so accomplished! I like having smarty-pants friends! :D

I whole heartedly agree about not wanting to miss a thing with the future baby Wilsons. I'm so glad you and your hubby are on the same page and working towards the same goals, as well as to be in a position to do so.

When I talk with people who don't know, I tend to anticipate what they will ask/say/do to offend me. I wince, while I wait for it. No one's failed me yet, they all say stupid shit... Oh, you're young you have lots of time, or when it's meant to be, it will be. BLAH.

Krista and David Hart said... [Reply to comment]

I agree with you about not wanting to miss anything Brandy. Lots of people have started asking me if I intend to return to teaching full-time in the fall. Well, for one, that would probably not be an option for me even if I wanted to due to the current teaching job climate in Southern CA, but even if it was an option... like you said, I can't imagine missing a minute of it. Not that we have loads of income, but even if it means renting for a long time, if we can swing it, I'd like to be home. I'm glad you've enjoyed the middle schoolers in subbing... I was surprised how much I enjoyed them too when I subbed at the beginning of the year. Not sure if I'd like to have them all year though...

Shell said... [Reply to comment]

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Baby Andrew. It never gets easier and the comments that people say. They just don't get it and I am sorry that you were put through that. I am like you as well and want to spend quality time raising a family and in the same position. I would like to work but also don't want to commit when I know that I may want to quit due to a pregnancy. Take care and I hope you have a good weekend.

boo and stacy arnold said... [Reply to comment]

SMARTY-PANTS IS RIGHT LauraJane from comment 1!! Wowzers on that edumacation;)!

Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I am in the same boat. I was going to take this semester off, then work part-time. I ended up getting two courses to teach last-minute so that I had something to keep me resemester (which was so lucky because I need *something* to keep me busy). But I just turned down a full time job opportunity for the fall because I just don't feel like I can handle the added stress of a new job, I know that if I do get pregnant again it will be stressful, and I also know that if I am lucky enough to have a real live baby that work will not be the priority I once thought it was. No matter how many degrees I have.

Sassy said... [Reply to comment]

I hope you dont' mind me leaving a comment. Although I have not experienced the loss that you have, I understand when people say stupid shit without really really knowing it. We deal with infertility and I hate when people say that we can have their kids, or when the timing is right then God will choose to give us a baby, blah blah blah. It's hurtful and they don't realize it. Sometimes I want to just say exactly what I want, but I keep my mouth shut.
You are absolutely right in life being precious and not missing a moment.

My New Normal said... [Reply to comment]

It's funny how after your child dies the most innocent of questions become grenades. Do you have children? Why are you not working? When will you start a family?

Mostly people ask these questions just to make conversation, they don't even care about the answers. That's why I usually don't mention that my son died. I just can't be bothered to explain.

Found you through another blog and am your newest follower. I lived in RB once upon a time and really miss the beach life.