Tuesday, March 15, 2011

1 year, 100 days

Exactly one year ago today, we were a family of 2 flying from Germany to the United States, hoping to become a family of 3 very soon.

We left our little town of Neuenrade, Germany (where we'd lived for 6 months) for Frankfurt, weighed our completely maxed-out baggage and got excited about owning our first home in a matter of 3 days.
I drank my last alcoholic beverage, a margarita no less, in hopes to become pregnant within the following weeks. It worked! I was pregnant within 2 weeks of stepping foot back on US soil.

We prepared to sign closing papers for our home on March 18, 2010 in the western suburbs of Chicago, Illinois.

We were so excited. We traveled the world, bought a home, had a new city and state to explore, and became pregnant all in a matter of 2 weeks time.

And 100 days ago...

Doctors gave us news that our baby boy had passed without any known reason.

We experienced love and heartbreak all in one day.

We became parents to a gorgeous baby boy.

We said goodbye to our first child.

We went from a family of 3 back down to a family of 2.

So much hope and so much heartbreak all wrapped into one year. We went from having a seamless life filled with hope and happiness to what we're still trying to work through from the loss of our precious baby. Take nothing for granted.

What I wouldn't give to be this excited, hopeful, carefree pregnant mama again...
We have the same hopes we had just one year ago today, though looking through entirely different lenses. 1 year, 100 days and our lives are forever changed. In some ways this last year has gone by at a crawling rate, and in some ways I feel like we aged an additional 10 years in 365 days.


Brooke said... [Reply to comment]

I also feel like I have grown ancient in the span of a few months. Everything feels like a whirlwind flew by and somehow it should still be December even though a million years has passed since then.

LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

It's absolutely insane what 1 year can look like. Insane.

I have the utmost belief the next 365 will be incredible for you. A year from now I hope you'll be able write a post full of joy and excitement. :)

Ps. Is that what you looked like pregnant, because if so I'm absolutely, positively jealous. Gorgeous is an understatement!!!

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

I too have aged so much these past 7 months. Hopefully you'll be holding your rainbow baby a year from now. And me too!! :)

Darcey said... [Reply to comment]

I lost my Logan to a late term stillbirth 2 weeks after you lost your Andrew...3 months have never felt so long in my entire life. I too am hoping that a Rainbow baby will be sent my way in the next year...too bad this next year seems like an eternity already!

God Bless,

Keleen said... [Reply to comment]

100 days...hard to believe. I agree, I feel like I have aged at least 10 years physically and mentally...ugh!

d.a.r. said... [Reply to comment]

Quite a year...I hope that this next one is full of joy and healing!