Friday, February 11, 2011

Bravery Is...

{for a bereaved mom}

... getting out of bed every morning without crying

... putting on mascara {not the waterproof kind either} and embracing the day

... checking facebook even though she's sure to find pictures of infants, uterus', and random updates about how happy {or even worse, unhappy} their friends/acquaintances are in pregnancy

... going to baby showers and congratulating friends on their new babies

... checking the mail despite the heavy amounts of baby paraphernalia

... checking email with the likelihood of developmental update ones where "your baby" is at this point in their life.

... going to Target and walking past the baby aisles

... looking in the mirror to see that "mom body" she longed for but now loathes as a reminder of what she is missing

... watching television and seeing the tunnel vision of babies everywhere you look

... going to church and praising God in the greatest storm of your life

... going to Costco on the weekend. Is it me, or is every single family and child in that place on Sat./Sun.?

... becoming pregnant again {no, not me} with all the anxiety that comes with subsequent pregnancies after a loss

... walking into the OB/GYN and not hyperventilating upon seeing all the pregnant women and infants

...standing up to those jerks people who attempt to "console" you by offering reasons why your baby had to die. Medical or not, they aren't ever helpful.
... laughing, smiling, and seeing the beautiful sunshine that is new every morning despite our struggles and sadness

... explaining to a stranger that your child has passed and for once not making the effort to console them

{these obviously aren't all true of me... but I find these acts to be courageous}

Can you think of any I missed, BLMs?


LauraJane said... [Reply to comment]

Excellent post. I found myself nodding along with so many of these points. I'm still working on telling people "the news" and not having to console them.

I found it very difficult to deal with the milk let down after we lost Jack. I had been pumping during our entire time at Sick Kids and our local hospital in anticipation of providing him with the "liquid gold" I was producing. Obviously he didn't need it, and so after he passed I pumped for a few days to release some of the pressure. Dumping that milk down the drain? A slap in the face that my body hadn't yet received the memo there was no need for more milk.

I also find it irritating for people to tell me when the right time to TTC #2 is (such as, "take a vacation together", or "enjoy this summer and then start"-both from my well-meaning parents). Unless you just lost your baby, you have no idea when the "right" time is.

::end rant::

Molly said... [Reply to comment]

Wow. I second the excellent post comment and actually may repost on my blog, if you don't mind. However, I am not anywhere NEAR being able to do some of these things.
Mascara--I've given up on it. I'll wear it to church, fully knowing I'll have to take off the mess when I get home (I even tried waterproof but the tears just made it clumpy--yuck!).

Facebook--I dropped off three months after Hayes died. It could associate a bad day with happy Facebook posts. I've since tried to get back on twice, but each time, I've had such bad days that I just decided I'm not ready.

Baby showers--HA! Not even close!

Target--I do it, but I still get a lump in my throat almost six months later.

OB/GYN--one of the most uncomfortable feelings. It also feels like everyone is watching you to see how you react. I am not a side show act people!

I can't say it enough. I am so glad someone else can relate!!!!

Caroline said... [Reply to comment]

Great Post. I'd add:

-learning to smile or laugh without feeling guilty (kinda similar to one already on there, but I used to almost feel guilty for feeling "ok" or good in those first few weeks after

-Having the courage to answer the question "how many kids do you have?" or "is this your first?" (during another pregnancy)

-cleaning up the baby stuff that has already been set up/unpacked (granted we didn't really put anything away in the nursery, but just de-babized the rest of the house a little bit)

-learning to have hope again and actually having it

I'm sure there are lots of others I'm missing. . .

Thanks for sharing!

The Anglin Family said... [Reply to comment]

Sending you lots of prayers and ((Hugs))!!

It's amazing to me how some little social networking site can be so painful to go to. I get lots of wall posts lately saying I am thinking of you, hope your pain passes soon. Or your baby is in a better place. It's hard to refrain from saying what I really want to, but I don't.

SuzyQpon said... [Reply to comment]

Idiots telling you it's god's will or they are in a better place. Maybe but I want her HERE.

Going to the store to return my baby's bedding set that I had spent weeks deciding upon.

Feeling like you are denying the memory of your 1st born when people ask if your 2nd born is your 1st (still haven't figured out how to explain it without making everyone stare at their shoes).