Happily Distracted

I have about 5 blog posts just sitting in my drafts right now. Random thoughts that are unfinished lay waiting for me to write more, or as I often do, delete. Sometimes I just need to get what I'm thinking in writing, but what I am thinking is not necessarily appropriate or not formulated into enough of a thought that is worth sharing. Many people read this and I have some face to save since this was a Wilson blog before a Baby Loss blog.

I wrote a lot today. I finished reading one book and ordered two books based entirely from BLM recommendations and reviews. Brooke alone sold me on Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards and so many of you women have now encouraged me to purchase An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. In true frugal-Brandy style, I purchased both through ShopAtHome (5% back-- so what if it's only about 50 cents!) and from half.com for around 11 bucks, shipped.

This post is a complete brain drain. It's all kinds of random and partly made out of feeling at peace during a week I thought would be very difficult. Many of you know from my former blog posts that my husband is out of town. He flew far, far away to Germany for business and is over halfway through his visit there. Or as we like to say, only three sleeps until he's home! He left last Saturday and will be arriving back home this Saturday. I cannot wait. Since this is the first time he has left the country without me since we began dating in 2006, I was nervous. You all know the whole hyperventilating bit I posted in my last entry. And on the wings of "losing" our son (hate that term, but have a hard time finding anything synonymous), I was downright terrified. The fear hasn't left because he still has to fly back home over that very large ocean on Saturday. And the month isn't over-- he has about 16 total days out of town this month on FOUR round trip airplane flights. Oy vey.

When he's gone, I have learned that in order to function on any level outside of sleeping and sulking all day, I need to be kept busy. Luckily, I have some local friends who know this. I remember telling them in the hospital when they all came to visit just 24 hours after we delivered Andrew that I needed them to keep us busy. This week has proven just that. In time of need, my friends rally! I'm exhausted and feeling content despite missing my husband. I'm not nervous right now because he is on soil. Maybe it's not the same soil I'm on, but at least he's not suspended in the air. Yet.

Here's my schedule while he's gone:

Saturday 4/2: cry hysterically, fondue/face mask/girl fun with 7 friends at my house followed by a few wonderful friends spending the night (in guest beds--needed to clarify so you'd see it was all class, no trash. Haha).
Sunday 4/3: zumba, shopping with a friend, dinner with friends
Monday 4/4: sub w/ booger-pickers (aka pre-k through 1st grade), dinner & Bible study with friends
Tuesday 4/5: another day with the booger-pickers, zumba
Wednesday 4/6: sub middle school, spin class, dinner with a friend at this awesome place (anyone a yelper out there besides me?)
Thursday 4/7: sub 4th grade, zumba, TV night with a friend
Friday 4/8: sub 2nd grade, dinner with friends, watching a sleeping 2-yo (can't use the word babysitting for some reason... argh) for some friends-- aka: date with my laptop.
Saturday 4/9: zumba, probably a Target date with myself (if I could be in love with a store....), pick up my most amazing husband at the airport and squeeze him sooooo tight!

Love the busy schedule, especially when I need it most. I think exercising has no doubt helped my mood and given me a nice release for all the frustrations and sadness I've been feeling... but our zumba membership is almost over. I don't want to grow tired of it, so I won't be signing up for another session. I think it's the perfect winter workout when living in the Arctic like we do here in Chicago. I won't commit to a gym membership but I enjoy the class atmosphere as it gives me something to look forward to as a scheduled event. Anyone in a class they particularly love? I thought about yoga but a friend mentioned that the BLM brain may click on full blast during the slow movement and time for deep thought. Could be more detrimental than beneficial, no?

Things I'm Lovin' Lately

In no particular order, these are some things that have been making me smile lately:

1. Tillamook Cheddar Baby Loaf. The Wilsons love cheese and we're sort of snobs about it. We like the good stuff. Baby loaf is such a treat and we've got one in the fridge right now. My absolute favorite is the Tillamook Reserve Extra Sharp Cheddar-- it's pretty exclusive and comes in black packaging.

2. Working out with my girlfriends. I love to sweat and I love great music! Tonight five of us girls met together at the Y for our 3rd (well, my 3rd) Zumba session! This instructor was all about the legs. Feel the burn!

3. My new Gap workout shirts. My friend Alli is basically obsessed with Gap. There isn't a week that goes by she isn't telling me about the latest deal she scored there. When Groupon had that amazing $25 for $50 at Gap deal, I scored so many great things from clearance. One was an awesome workout shirt from Gap Fit and I bought another one of a different style a few days ago. I paid $5 for one, and $8 for the other-- gotta catch Gap deals + coupon it up! Check out their whole line of Gap Fit here. I really think they're giving Lululemon a run for their money-- not to mention they are at least 50% cheaper on every item!

4. Target clearance. I bought a few pieces of clothing today for super cheap. We're talking a $4 super cute black ruffle shirt, a $3 turtleneck, and even a navy blue short peacoat for just under $13!

5. Middle schoolers. Those crazy, awkward kids make me smile. They are crazy and can be obnoxious, but they're so personable. I like them a whole lot better than those booger-picking 1st graders who tattle {realized I've never typed that word before} on one another all. day. long.

6. Trader Joes bananas. I need me some fruit. They sell their bananas for $.19 each. So that means I buy the largest, most ridiculous bananas I can find. During a cold winter, fruit is a necessity to get me through it. While I'm mentioning Trader Joes, did I ever mention that I literally google-mapped the distances from TJs to each house while we were house hunting? I love it that much. That was a deciding factor. In case you're interested, we purchased a house exactly 2.6 miles from the nearest TJs. Hey, I have my priorities.

It's Time to Cut the Crap.

I'm talking about my consumption habits of course.

There are a few goals I'm making as of March 1.

Why not today? Well... because we're going on a cruise before then, so I surely couldn't eliminate the possibility of eating a whole lotta crap on that trip... so March 1 it is.

The reasons for my purge:

• I had a baby. I'm sad he isn't here. It's a distraction and control thing. Change is needed.
• My body looks like I had a baby. 
• I eat too much crap without thinking about what goes into my body.
• We want to try for baby #2 soon and don't want my poor eating habits to affect that process.
• I don't feel good about myself when I eat/drink crap. 
• I feel my best when eating foods that are good for me.
• I am not pleased with how my pants are fitting post pregnancy.

Here's what I'm committing to for at least three solid months {March 1 - June 1}:

1. No soda. I hate drinking my calories. I used to be a Diet Coke addict, but gave up before Andrew was conceived and haven't looked back since. I imagine I've consumed enough aspartame and phenylalanine at this point in my life. I sure do miss a good fountain DC with those little crunchy ice balls, though.
2. No elective sugar/sweets. Naturally occurring in foods/fruits = fine. No cookies, cakes, brownies, dessert. That means no chocolate. I should really be committing to cutting fried things and crackers/chips also, but baby steps people. Maybe that will be the following 3 months.
3. No alcohol. I don't really want it anyway like I thought I did when I was pregnant with Andrew. It's a bunch of unnecessary calories and a depressive. As if I need another reason to be sad.
4. Exercise. I make no major commitments on the frequency of this, but I did just sign up for a Zumba class with my girlfriends! Once it is a consistent 40 degrees outside, I may step it up to walking everyday + adding wii Zumba and real Zumba classes to the regiment. While I'd love to take up running again, I'm nervous how that will affect future pregnancies should I become pregnant in the next 3 months. I ran up until week 27 with Andrew and he's not here now. Of course I doubt that my running habits had anything to do with his demise, but I see my next chance being different in many ways. The things I control (like running... or not running) are included in these changes.

This is not a forever change because I don't believe in stripping myself from ice cream and chocolate for eternity. I've learned all too well that life is too short to cut out all the indulgences. I just want to spend a few months somewhat cleansing my body from processed junk and excess sugar. And... I'll be just in time for ice cream and fair weather in June.

But first, cruise to the Bahamas! Twelve days from today... can't wait!

Snowpoc-mageddon-izzard

Snowpocalypse. Snowmageddon. Blizzard of 2011. Whatever you want to call it, Chicagoland is going crazy over this storm. It's rare that Chicago gets this much snow. Northwest Indiana and Southwest Michigan are the areas usually tanked by snow. Chicago, not so much. Except for this year.

Schools have been closed for 2-3 days and that's the first time Chicago public schools have experienced a snow day in 12 years! You would think the world was ending (hence the Armageddon reference) because the news has covered only one thing in the past 3 days. It's not only news but it's "breaking news" even though there hasn't been a single snowflake in well over 24 hours at this point. I'm sure everyone has seen the news and saw all the buried cars on Lakeshore Drive in downtown Chicago. I say... Why on Earth would you be driving on Lakeshore Drive (there are alternate routes) when we all knew this storm was coming?

We experienced snow like this in Germany last year, so it's not my first experience... but it is my first experience with a reaaaally long driveway and pathway to the front door! That equals lots of shoveling. While all the kids were out of school and just about everyone was off work, Ray shoveled himself out of our driveway and drove to work in record time-- even arriving 10 minutes early! Not a single person was there. At all. That's completely unheard of for a company that runs 3 shifts. I will admit that it was fun seeing all the kids playing outside in the snow on their first snowday ever and watching our neighbors dig through their driveways for 3+ hours yesterday. I watched people cross country ski down our street and walk snowblowers and shovels up and down our street to help out neighbors. Like I said, pretty rare ocurrance around these parts. We get snow, but it's a few inches here and there... and then it just sits there for months because it's so darn cold here and never has a chance to melt.

It starts... photo taken around 7:00 a.m. on Wednesday, February 2, 2011.

That's my husband-- all geared up in snow pants, jacket, goggles, gloves, turtle fur, and a hat!

Spying on our neighbor just as he began the big digout.

Sometimes... we're not smart. Why didn't we notice before the crazy blizzard that we had a package at our front door? We never enter our front door because we have an attached garage... so this usually slips our mind. It's never a problem until we have a crazy storm like this! I had the lovely opportunity of scraping ice off the interior of our glass door. Bummer.

That would be our package. In case you're interested... it's this.

Just about done with the digout.

 You know, just our mailbox.

And for kicks... a fun photo of my husband getting his Zumba on. He reads this, but not often. He'll probably notice in say... 2 days. Haha. :)  See that terrible popcorn ceiling and wallpaper? That's our next project to tackle. We had the "popcorn" tested for asbestos and it has none! When everything seems to be working against us lately, at least we don't have to deal with that potential safety hazard. Now that we have the results, we can pay someone attempt to scrape and strip the room down. Which reminds me that I still haven't posted photos of our laundry room. Partly because we won't be putting on a new door until the spring and partly because we still have a whiteboard to buy/hang that will complete the room. Until then, it's still "under construction" but on a temporary hiatus.