Potty Training Uhhhh-gain

Back on the train for the second installment of potty training my children. I'll admit that Claire has probably been ready for eons. And, well, I just wasn't. Because I remember how SUPER FUN it was to potty train Benjamin and how I waited forever because he was so noncommittal (or was that me?) and then when we did it, he was potty trained fully without any need for any sort of pee pad, alarm, pull-up or anything in a matter of like 5 days. He just did it all the time, by himself, without me even bothering. I never had to pull the nagging "Do you have to go potty" before we left for somewhere and I still don't. The kid has an uncanny ability to hold his urine for ridiculously long periods of time. I literally took back all the Pull-Ups I bought in anticipation of using them for years because he never used a single one.

For Claire, I just kind of assumed that if I pushed it off until she was almost three like Benjamin was when he trained, it'd all be roses and easy. Whenever we asked her if she wanted to, she'd always say, "tomorrow" and was happily bringing me diapers and wipes for changings for many months. So it's time.

Someone said something about girls being easier.

WRONG. Double. Triple. Wrong. Liars.

For one, boys can go standing up and somehow it is socially acceptable for them to pee on nature anytime, anywhere. They don't require wiping for that business and you don't have to deal with the fears of them falling into the toilet or those stupid automatic flushers sucking them into oblivion. Real fears from little people, seriously. Girls require lifting onto and/or holding them on the potty or bringing in a potty topper (which I do often) that was virtually unused with Benjamin (he was also good about holding the poop until we were good and home).

Girls require running to the potty, making sure said potty is clean, covering the top, holding there, wiping, flushing, washing... LORD HAVE MERCY.

Boys just piss on a tree and you squirt them with a little hand sani and head on your way.

Claire has been peeing in the potty solidly for 2.5 weeks now. For the last 1.5 weeks, she's done it without accident. I was going to keep her home from school a week ago to continue bootcamp, but then picture day put a snag in my plans. Still, she managed dry diapers at school and using the potty. But this week, she must've eaten something awful because when I picked her up from school on Monday, the teacher handed me a dark bag of super fun, totally diarrhea-filled clothing. And then she proceeded to expel the same fun into her underwear and accompanying pants for the next two days. Finally, the following day, she walked her naked self into the bathroom, sat down and did her business without me accompanying her. Finally. A solid in the potty. Her first one. Pee was a snap, but poop was absolutely not. Benjamin was pooping on the potty before he ever peed, so this was something new for me. What a blast it has been cleaning those clothes. Ick.

We celebrated big with mint Oreos (imperative that you find these at your local market and buy them. They are my fave of all time). She's done it a few times more now with no accidents of any kind now for 4 days or so.

I'm not saying we're out of the dark on this potty situation, but we're headed on the right track. Fruit snacks ready and happy face potty chart taped to the bathroom mirror, we're not turning back. She's not interested in diapers at bedtime (but mommies who don't want to be woken up to wet mattresses sure are) and is requesting underwear like brother, so I've committed to November 1 as diaper-free Wilson household IF she manages dry diapers for the next two weeks solid.

Send us your potty pixie dust and well wishes. Please and thank you. Also, OMG, it's possible I'm done changing diapers forever? Wow.

Potty Training: Day 8

So how are things going?

First, I didn't really announce the whole start (because, do any of you really care?). I had plans to start the 3-Day PT method on Wednesday, Christmas Eve. The husband would be home and I would be able to somehow have extra hands when sister tries to crawl through the pee all over the floor. Yes, it's happened a few times.

Except, the toddler decided that after weeks of me telling him we were almost out of diapers and that soon we won't have anything other than big boy undies to wear that Monday, 12/22 was the day he would refuse a diaper. We were having friends over for a playdate just an hour later. And the next day we had dentist appointments that would require we be out of the house. Not ideal and not in the plans for the whole 3-Day method. Except, the method was written for kids primarily between 22-30 months. Anything after that (read: my kid at 34 months) would be harder and not ideal. Super. Starting things off on a positive note.

The benefit to having a kid this old to PT? They do know when they are peeing and can tell you all the signs. And if they are anything like Benjamin, they've been casually using the potty on their own for almost a year. Time to get the ball rolling.

First two days of PT were flying solo because Dad was working. We went all-in without pull-ups or diapers at night or naptime. Here's the summary without doing a day-to-day.

Naptime: Woke 6/7 times dry

Bedtime: Called for me 2/7 times after peeing in the middle of the night, slept through the wet or woke up and peed the bed (hard to tell) 3/7 times and woke completely dry 2/7 times. This doesn't bother me. He is not expected to all of a sudden know how to hold in a bladder full of liquid for 12 hours. I'll change sheets as necessary. I have washable pee pads and he's in a toddler bed, so the laundry is much smaller.

Accidents: 6 accidents over two days (day 1 and day 5-- of which I believe he was acting on purpose because his behavior was terrible that day). The other 5 days were completely dry.

Overall: He's been doing okay, but three days was definitely not the magic number. He goes in public toilets and is fine. Perhaps it's the novelty. He'll proudly tell you he goes in the "women's bathroom" because he's partial to Mommy these days (please send wine). I take him whenever we go somewhere (library, Costco, restaurants) to ensure he doesn't have an accident. He is fine wearing the underwear but is particular in selecting the pair. He also prefers the little potties in our house, but occasionally stands up to pee in the big potties. I don't care which he chooses, as long as he is comfortable using foreign toilets when we're out of the house.

The Bad (or should I say annoying): He doesn't tell me often when he has to go, so the whole premise about them owning it is not at all working with Benjamin. I usually get him to go by telling him I'm going potty and want him to come with me. It usually works. He refuses to go when he wakes up from nap or nighttime and had two consecutive accidents because of this. He also occasionally flat-out tells me NO when I ask him to go potty (because I know he has to be holding it in! Ah, life with a "spirited child").

On the 3-Day PT Method:
- I clearly don't have the poster child for this program. Three days (multiplied by 50?).
- The whole premise is to ditch all forms of a crutch and go head first. Fine. I'm cool with changing peed bedding (it's only pee).
- You are to be near your child and notice when they start to have an accident and run them to the bathroom, getting pee all over your house in the process. Also fine. I understand that it's teaching the kid that pee only goes in the potty and no where else, at the expense of your hardwood floors and carpeting and the baby who will absolutely crawl through it.
- Verbally congratulate them (at obnoxious levels) for using the potty, even if it started as an accident, congratulating for keeping their underwear dry and reminding them to tell you when they need to go (like 100x a day). No questions, only statements. Also fine, except I can count on one hand how many times Benjamin has told me he needed to go on his own. The rest were me convincing him he needed to go when I know he did (judging by liquid consumption).
- Lots of liquids. I find this the trickiest. Pump them with lots of favorite beverages and then halt them a couple hours before sleep time. That means he only gets liquids for two, 3-hr periods a day. It's really hard to manage that! And, I can't just force liquids upon him. He's nearly 3 and seriously gives me the back off, MOM look whenever I try. It's exhausting getting him to eat or drink anything.

We're in it. We're not wavering. It may take forever from here, but we're committed.

Things I'm nervous about:

School starts back up January 6. He's been fighting school (because it's not on his terms, not because he doesn't actually like it) and getting dropped off. He will have been diaperless for 15 days and seriously can hold his bladder like a champ, so I'm not too worried. However, it is 2.5 hours long and he does go early in the morning and there is a chance he could have an accident because he refuses to pee when he wakes. On the flipside, it is preschool and something tells me his school has seen their fair share of accidents (after all, where do you learn if not there?), but I'm nervous. I might try to walk him in myself and have him use the potty before dropping him in his classroom each morning. But ugh! Then I lose the luxury of the dropoff service and have to schlep Claire out of the car in the coldest month of the year. I really, really think putting him in pull-ups is a poor choice and won't do it. I'd honestly rather keep him home.

We will also be traveling to Whistler in two weeks with good friends and Benjamin will be sharing a room with their daughter who is also almost 3. I don't want him waking her in the night because he peed the bed, so despite all the encouragement to eliminate all diapers, I'm going to tell him that in other houses and special hotels that we must wear these pull-ups (using a decoy name) because the owners make us. I'll even generate a note and hang it on the wall so he knows. Just so it's situational and not a regression. Like most kids his age, he loves pointing out rules and think that will go over fine.

**I posted this at naptime. End of Day 8 went swimmingly. He actually told me twice today when he had to go and went on his own ("Turn the lights on and close the door, Mommy"-- been telling us this for months). Rewards are really working. Every positive thing I give him (TV, treats, computer time) is followed by "because you've been so great at going in the potty and keeping your underwear dry!" I make sure to reward him even when only a pee-- noticed that the first few days he was forcing out mini poops because he was somehow under the impression that poop is more impressive. I've been obnoxiously complimenting his pee-only times as well to curb this. Seems like he's really starting to own this. Also took all his clothes off tonight and took his own shower (just needed help turning on to get correct temperature). Yay?!

Consistently Inconsistent

The journey in parenting a toddler continues to confuse the crap out of me.

He will go weeks without tantrums and psychotic behavior, and then turns a corner and goes almost nowhere and does almost nothing without throwing himself on the floor in rage.

He goes weeks and weeks using the potty at home and then goes weeks refusing to use it at all.

He eats all three meals like a champ and then the next day is given the exact same favorite foods and eats almost no bites.

He went years happily bathing at night and not wanting to get out of the tub to not wanting to take any form of bath or shower at all in the last few weeks. Don't come too close to this kid, he probably hasn't used soap in awhile.

There's just about nothing that makes sense with him. It's all about negotiation and bartering. The thing is, we weren't trained in lunatic mind-reading.

I don't get it.

Hashtag crazy toddler.

Hashtag exhausted parents.

Hashtag just potty train already because you are almost three. omg omg omg.

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Question of the day: We will be bootcamping his little rump pretty soon here. What's the best thing to do at night and naptime? Go all-in and let him pee the bed until he can control it? Put a potty in his room in case he wakes and has to go (he's locked in for safety). Throw on a pull-up/diaper and let him use that, potentially making this whole night training thing last f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Sound off.

Will Poop for Chocolate

Back in March, I posted about Benjamin's interest to watch us do all things in the bathroom. I thought I'd update 6 months later on the lack of progress in the toilet training department. We own 3 kiddo potty seats, one kiddo topper and 1 transportable potty seat. We have undies and books and even a urinal he uses to store his bath toys. Remember that composter I regret buying and my husband basically laughing at me? Well, insert an eye roll from me on that urinal purchase here.

All that jazz and well, nada. No shocker here, he's not trained yet. He's officially two-and-a-half years of age and has peed or pooped on the potty about 11 times. Two of those were coerced by physically taking him and sitting him on the potty by Gramie and Dad, so I will accept 9 for the official count as of today. I have some hope for this afternoon, as we'll likely go pantless again as we've been doing when we're home for long periods of time (if he wants).

We're taking a relaxed approach for a few reasons:
1. If he doesn't want to do something, he'll fight us, tooth and nail.
2. I don't have the patience to potty train with an 8-month old and never leave the house. I'd go #crazytown. Also, while the weather is still nice, I refuse not to take advantage.
3. I don't really have a need to hurry him up, because his preschool is cool with changing diapers. Though, in the 7 times he has attended on his own thus far, he has been changed zero times. He does watch other kids use the potty (yay!) and possibly sits on one at school himself?
4. Admittedly, diapers are a little easier when we're out and about so often with just one set of hands and two sets of kiddo hands.

But don't get me wrong. I wish he would just announce he was done with diapers and it be that easy. My timeline is now: must be potty trained by August 2015 for preschool. He will be three-and-a-half. I'm thinking he will be able to do that. But a more strict timeline is currently set for Christmas when Dad is home. We will have lots of time during the holidays with two adults and no place to go in the frigid temps.

Currently, when we're home, we ask him if he'd like to take off his pants and diaper so he can go to the potty when he wants to. Sometimes he's interested, sometimes he's not. If he does go commando (undies failed us), I ask him often if he has to go to the bathroom. The first few times, I was cleaning up puddles left and right. But the last few times and just about all day yesterday, he was dry and peed nowhere but the potty. It's pretty adorable. He usually announces his interest to go potty and goes in and sometimes closes the door. He sits and runs out immediately either holding the potty or announcing his addition to the pot. Sometimes he's lying, but sometimes he's legit! We celebrate, sing a silly song, pick him up, high-five, call his grandparents, stamp a chart... and eat chocolate.

When he successfully pees or poops, he gets 2 "m treats" for pee and 3 for poop. If both, FIVE! He also gets a stamp on his chart and 10 stamps earns him a donut from Dunkin' Donuts. I'm sure you're judging me and you know what? I don't care. We like donuts. He asks for them every time we drive by (everysingleday) and has probably consumed no more than 10 in his lifetime. But they are a huge treat to him, so we thought it would motivate him.

Never thought I'd bust out the teaching supplies for a potty chart.

Bribery? I've seen every parent I know do it. Bribe with food? Terrible parenting, some may say. But I counter with the thought that we're all essentially rewarded for everything we do. Even if intrinsic reward, it's still something you do with the intent to feel a certain way or attain something. While we'd love for Benjamin to feel proud when he uses the potty, he's just not proud enough to keep at it. Stickers mean nothing to this kid. But donuts? The holy grail. And Lord knows he can use the calories, Mr. 18-month shorts.

Problem is, we're fairly convinced that some of this weekend's attempts at potty time were done with the sole interest to get chocolate, and not necessarily because he wanted to relieve his body the proper way. While he did have to go, we do wonder if he was going because he wanted the treats more than the need to go in that very moment like our bodies tell us.

One thing is certain, if you Skype with us or come over for a visit from now until he's ready for big boy undies, he might do a somersault with his boy parts in full view. Just ask my parents. They had a front row seat to the Benjamin naked Olympics yesterday.