Another Year Around the Sun. Six.

Each year Thanksgiving comes around and then it ends and then it's December 5th. It's almost like the days in between aren't even there, because they are a rush of time.

This morning I spent my time running six miles for my firstborn on his birthday. At each mile, I wrote one of these wherever my feet landed. In six different places around my neighborhood, I left a mark for him.

I also spent the morning registering my rainbow baby for Kindergarten. Irony sure does enjoy smacking me right in the face. My would-be Kindergartner and my upcoming Kindergartner with worlds colliding. It's rare this happens, so I guess it's a sweet wink. (It would be even sweeter if the school wasn't going to a year-round calendar. Which likely means we're moving to another school zone.)

Tonight we will enjoy dinner out and quite a bit of dessert-eating and present opening, all to remember that boy who first made us parents. I miss him with everything in me. To think of how he would've shaped who is younger brother is and how happy it would make his little sister to have a great big brother to love and play with.

What I miss most, though, is knowing who he would be. How our lives would be different with him here and what he would grow to become. I really miss everything.

Fall of Remembrance :: Footprints Blog Tour

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This post is dedicated to Share's Walk of Remembrance and the Wave of Light, shattering the stigma of infertility and child loss. Fifteen of us bloggers are participating in spreading the word with our own words about our personal losses.

                                                                                                                                               ***

As soon as September hits, the weather changes ever-so-slightly, even here in the desert. I quickly transition my mood as it changes. I'm feeling it. It's another step closer to his birthday and the cooler months, with plentiful tears as December returns.

I feel closer to Andrew here than I did in Illinois. You'd think living three miles from the hospital and driving past the funeral home where we picked up his ashes nearly 6 years ago would have provided obvious closeness, as those are the only places his body visited outside of mine. But really, it's out here in nature and on our trail walks and explorations in the mountains that feels like my home and where I believe Andrew is now-- in beauty and glory. It's the calmness, peacefulness and lack of negative feels. While that same hospital Andrew was born into also brought us Benjamin and Claire, I still felt a pit in my stomach every time I would drive by. I couldn't shake it. I'd sort of avert my eyes every time I found myself on Washington Street in Naperville. Nevada is a clean slate and clean state.

On frequent nature walks with the kids and trail runs alone sometimes, I plant little A's out there for Andrew. We construct them of sticks and branches, pine cones and flower petals. We walk and run and explore, always remembering the first of our babies, leaving behind a little bit of the love he brought to our family.

Benjamin is attending a Christian preschool here and the daily line leader gets to pray before lunch. He's had the opportunity to be line leader now and carries these practices to our home life. His prayers are the most adorable I've heard, complete with thanking God for his family, including Andrew almost always. It makes me feel like we're doing the right things with them in displaying their brother's beautiful sketch drawing in our living space and talking about death and love and their brother in heaven. It shouldn't be out of fear or sadness, but out of love always.

                                                                                                                                                       ***

In the fall, we come together with families across the world and light a candle as a Wave of Light to remember all of our children. We walk in unison, together, in a Walk of Remembrance as an act of love for our children and those children we love in other families that have impacted our lives.

If you're walking to REMEMBER and shatter that stigma, we'd love to see those photos posted using hashtag #ShareWalk2016 on Social Media from wherever you are around the world. In addition, light up those candles on Oct. 15th for the Wave of Light at 7 pm (#WaveOfLight and #PregnancyAndInfantLossAwareness) and post those photos. Spreading love and awareness and light in the unfortunate lonely and dark reality of Infertility and Loss will shatter the barriers and bring to light the importance of support and love for so many families across the world. Infertility and Loss affect people from all walks of life, socioeconomic backgrounds, genders and races. No one is safe. Chances are, someone close to you has fallen victim. You do not have to be victim to support and create awareness.

Check out Lisa's post from yesterday and tomorrow Lindsay is sharing about her own journey of loss.

(Even the Littlest) People Matter.

I feel like I need to talk about other things than potty training and my naughty toddler. As a quick update, the toddler is still naughty, but he's totally potty trained for day and naps and it really was fine and good after five days. We're now on day 13 of zero diapers and totally set. We're about to throw his butt in pull-ups for nights though because Mama needs to sleep and do less laundry, but anyway. We have two living children and that's all that really matters.

We'll be celebrating our daughter's first birthday exactly 10 days from today. In six days, about 40 people will cram into our home to witness her baptism and first birthday festivities. Four days later (on her actual birthday!), we will be flying to Whistler for skiing, spa indulgences and fun with our good friends and fellow babyloss family who are also parents to Jack, Grace & Piper. Jack's fourth birthday was on New Year's Day. Who would've thought we'd be renting a ski condo in Canada with friends who also have a dead son, four years later? If you asked me on December 4, 2010, I would've called you a lunatic. But we're so grateful to have such close friends who literally carried us through some tough days in those first months of loss and still have so much support to offer.

Just a few days before Christmas, Andrew's print arrived in the mail. We decided on a professional pencil sketch for his 4th birthday. Like so many of our babyloss friends, we wanted something to display in our homes that would show the true beauty of our children while still keeping them sacred and protected from gawking and ill responses. We first caught a glimpse when I was sent the initial sketch two days after his birthday. I was so happy to receive this during his birth month.

When it first arrived in my inbox, I was underwhelmed. It was stunning and drawn with such care, but it wasn't the boy I held in that hospital room-- nothing one dimensional could possibly contain all that he was in our arms that evening. There were tiny changes I requested she make (space between fingers as I remember & skinnier nostril cartilage). It was beautiful, but I found myself underwhelmed because it wasn't really him, as if what I expected was to have him back in our arms for the cost of a pencil sketch. We will never have more of him and never another portrait or photograph or experience with him. This was it.

This was shared on her facebook page, and now here. Andrew, spitting image of Claire. 

                                                 
After a day or so, I kept staring at his portrait and just fell in love with it. We received the professional copy just a week or so later and had it professionally framed. We picked up the framed piece two days before Christmas and it now has a place among our family photos. It is a cherished piece. We also ordered four copies that will be given to our families when they arrive this week.

Now four years after losing Andrew, we're still trying to find our place in this mess of babyloss. We want to contribute and help others. In many ways, we've already done that. My husband has recently signed up to help as a liaison for NILMDTS. My friend Brooke (who is basically a babyloss celebrity and contributing author to Three Minus One and I've had many meals with her and she slept in my house! Are you jealous?) blogged about a company called Sevenly recently. One of their recent campaigns supported Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I bought up two shirts immediately and posted a picture of one of them on Instagram. They still have some available in four different prints, so check them out! They've raised over $19,000 in shirt sales for NILMDTS, donating $7 from each shirt to the organization.

We're just so passionate about supporting them and ones like it because it normalizes loss for everyone. It makes losing a child more bearable, less embarrassing and more accepted. It makes families like us feel like human beings with hearts and not looked at like charity cases and lepers. We gifted some local NILMDTS photographers gift cards during the holidays to encourage their efforts and thank them sincerely for all they have done for us and other families. I attempted and successfully managed to use my grant-writing skills to send $1k their way. We shop on Amazon Smile with with 0.5% of purchases going to the organization that is the sole reason we have images of our firstborn son and proof that he was real, ours, and is adored. 

If we ever get the guts, we'll use a NILMDTS photographer to shoot family pictures. We're not ready. Four years and two kids after losing our firstborn child, we still haven't had another professional photo shoot. He's always missing. It still hurts and there's still a void.

I'm considering another volunteer opportunity (because I really do need more to gab about than potty trianing, amiright?), but that's just being discussed and nothing concrete yet. It will probably take a village and in an effort to keep Andrew's memory alive and well within me, it's something I'm seriously considering.

People are still losing babies. I can't do anything about that (and neither can they, sadly), but it's something that hits me hard and something no one should go at alone. 

It's the Most HAPPY & SAD Time of Year....

We're kind of going big for Christmas this year. It wasn't intentional, but I've stocked up on things throughout the year, visited a toy resale and scored big, and made a purchase that I hope to not regret as a shared gift that will only be unveiled Christmas morning on Instagram. I have to leave some secrets, as you all know I won't be busting out with anymore "I'm pregnant" announcements (which is why most people read blogs in my age group anyway, KWIM?).

Some ramblings of the happy...

• We had a great Thanksgiving. I'll post about that on another day. 
• Benjamin told me he had to use the (public) toilet at the children's museum and he did. We celebrated.
• Claire is now pulling up to a stand, basically everywhere. 
• She's also cruising a bit. We think she'll be walking before 14 months (when Benjamin started).
• I signed up to bake loaves of bread for the local food pantry. Our church selects a local organization each year for an Advent Conspiracy to encourage us to spend less and give more. This year, it's that local food pantry. While I love giving, I've also volunteered there during my pregnancy with Andrew and yowza! Whole Foods hooks it up in there!
• I'm planning to donate toys for Benjamin's school toy drive for Toys-for-Tots. We will also be donating mittens and other items to decorate the tree (and donate) at his school.

Some ramblings of the sad...

Andrew's birthday is on Friday. He'd be four. It's always like a ton of bricks when Thanksgiving ends and all of a sudden it's December 1st. Because December 1st means his birthday is in four days and it sort of just takes the wind out of me each year. Every single day it seems, I meet kids his age. Younger, actually. It shocks me to see their big and able bodies and to know his never grew past the 7lb6oz I birthed.

We will celebrate with dinner at our favorite local burger chain that our kids love. We figure he'd love it, too. I'll buy a special dessert and we'll light candles and especially his candle. My in-laws sent us home with a gift for Andrew's birthday and my mom sent over another ornament for him and decorated a tree special and in honor of him at their house. They will also be setting off four Japanese paper lanterns in his honor this weekend to represent his fourth birthday.

Next Tuesday, we will attend the annual remembrance ceremony at a local church, specifically for families who lost children. I will bring an ornament and hang it. I will then drive back to the hospital I birthed all three of my children and retrieve it in January... the week Claire was born last year.

We will wait, as we always do, to decorate for Christmas until after his birthday is over. It's part of respecting his birthday, and partly because we want to leave space for our grief. Our house was heavily decorated just hours before Andrew died. We will probably never put a tree in that spot again. The first five windows to the Advent House (calendar) we have will remain empty in his honor every year. No decorations will be hung or placed until after we celebrate our firstborn. It just doesn't seem right any other way.

Dia de los Muertos

I started seeing posts here and there about Dia de los Muertos {Day of the Dead} through blogland and it got me thinking. It takes place November 1 & 2 each year and is a celebration to honor the dead loves ones who have passed on.

Long before Andrew died, I was familiar with this holiday. I was introduced to it back in high school during the fall when Halloween rolled around, but in reality, it has nothing to do with the "holiday" of Halloween that we celebrate which decorates with dark colors, skeletons, and gore. The Spanish holiday is a celebration of people. Not scary people, but people who are loved and remembered.

In college, I shot a news story down near Union Station in Los Angeles at Olvera Street. This street is an outdoor Mexican marketplace with vendors covering narrow brick paths. They also have some interior rooms converted to museums about the Spanish culture and their rich history in Los Angeles. During October and November, they house a big exhibit on Dia de los Muertos. I remember interviewing people and cutting a story all about recognizing and celebrating the lives of very important people that I did not know. Who knew I'd be 28 years old and experience the heartbreak of losing my very own special loved one.

It's a colorful holiday-- one that is decorated well with vibrantly painted skulls, beautiful Papel picado, and hoards of food. It's a birthday party for the dead.

Having a loved one I miss terribly out there, it was only fitting to recognize him today in my own little ceremony of Dia de los Muertos by creating a craft with Benjamin and celebrating with a bit of a Mexican feast in honor of his brother who should be turning 3 years old next month.

Benjamin's contribution was the top blue. I helped adjust the scissors and there were two cuts. Then he was over it.

We'll probably have tostadas tonight to celebrate our boy and maybe get wild and crazy with some virgin margaritas. Thinking of many, many loved ones today and tomorrow and celebrating.

Letters to Andrew {5}

Dear Andrew,

I sat down with your little brother and opened your photo book today. It shocks me still just how beautiful you were. We've had a rough week around here celebrating what should've been your 2nd birthday. We had dinner at a place we think you would've loved and made sure to enjoy some bakery treats that evening. Your little brother even enjoyed a bit of a gingerbread cookie in your honor.

I didn't ask friends or family to take photos or send me anything this year like we did last year. I guess I just wanted the day to go by as fast as possible. But wasn't I surprised to receive emails and text messages and phonecalls and pictures of all the wonderful things people did for you and ways they celebrated your life. So many delicious desserts (complete with #2 candles and your name!), random acts of kindness, and kind words, all for a boy we love and miss so much. {Thank you so much, all of you.}

It's impossible to think about the road ahead and how many more years of our lives we'll spend missing you.

But in the meantime, we're trying to make you proud.

Loving You Always,

Mom, Dad & Benjamin

Andrew = Love

His day has come and gone. In many ways, I'm relieved. I think that most loss mothers can agree with how the anticipation of that one year date can really hang over our heads. It's just a day-- but with such incredible significance. That very day a year (or two, or three, or...) prior changed who we are today. Some good, some bad ways.

This post is meant to be about happiness that has been spread as a result of Andrew's birth. He may no longer be alive, but man is he loved and remembered by so many. People have sacrificed a lot for a child that wasn't even theirs. A child they never had a chance to lay eyes on. For all the love, respect, donations, gifts, cards, emails, heartfelt sentiments, volunteer hours and beyond, the Wilson family is so completely thankful. We'll never be fully whole without our son, but we do have these memories of love to carry us as we continue living and hopefully raising more Wilson babies.

I fear that I might forget someone who did something lovely that I wanted to share... because all the lovely gestures were overwhelming (in a great way). I apologize if I have forgotten you as this isn't something most people even have to write about! I don't feel under pressure to write about these things either, but want desperately for this blog to be my reference to all things Andrew and his memory. I want to be able to read back on every anniversary of his birth and see all the goodness and love that people have shown in his honor. So again, I'm sorry if something you did was left off the list, as it was unintentional. Feel free to remind me of this and I'd be glad to add. I also hope that I am not embarrassing anyone by listing beautiful things they've done or said/written in Andrew's honor. So to credit them, I will only supply first names and not links to their blogs (if they exist). Thank you again. In no particular order...

Jenny & Nick: Planting bulbs in honor of Andrew and anticipation of our coming child.
"I'm deeply a nature/gardening person and something on my mind since last March's first thaw are Snow drops and Glory-of-the-snow. These are bulbs that are planted in late November/early December and which flower first in spring, before we can really believe that the snow will be gone. The blooms will appear before trees leaf out, and the leaves will likely be finished storing food for next year by the time you first mow so they could be naturalized in your lawn or planted in beds. These bulbs are 'ephemeral,' meaning that they are dormant most of the year and then have a glorious display of flowers for a short time. My thought was simply that we'd celebrate Andrew and anticipate your next child with hope." Also, Jenny and Nick volunteered for "Friends in Need" with Derrick & Liz by buying and wrapping toys for children in need this Christmas.

 

Jenny came to plant bulbs around the small tree in our front yard this weekend on 12/11. Such a wonderful tribute and symbol of love and life. Three types of bulbs were planted: Galanthus nivalis (common snowdrop-white), Galanthus flore pleno (double snowdrop-double white), Crocus "remembrance" (giant crocus-blue/purple). Some may bloom in February or March of 2012-- just in time for the birth of Andrew's brother. Hoping that some do bloom during the springtime with the beautiful pink flowers that already bloom on that tree.


We had our first snowfall and coldest day of the season thus far (yesterday on 12/10) and we had to break up the frozen soil before planting.

Jenny & Ray planting bulbs.

Bulbs placed for planting. The Crocus remembrance bulbs were placed on the interior and the snowdrops on the outside of the tree.

Finished!

 
Derrick & Liz: Feed My Starving Children volunteering & Family in Need Giving
"Today felt like a dent in honor of A-dub. Shift #2 161 volunteers, 186 boxes packed, 40,176 meals...cost efficient at 24 cents a meal - and my favorite: enough to feed 110 children for an entire year. That always staggers me considering how much we our country spends on meals. Wow. Truly an awesome, awesome way to remember Andrew & touch many, many lives. Can't wait to hear final total - it was over 80,000 at the end of our shift - with a goal I think of over 100,000 meals. Ahh - I cried and we danced to the music playing. Then we prayed. I miss him - & I miss seeing his cute hand and feet push through your sweater at Thanksgiving last year.  I love that we got to know early, and know him by name feeling him as family from near the beginning. A gorgeous boy of yours." and the Family in Need Giving event: "A family in need will be selected and we will do a deal-focused shopping blitz. We picked 2 families in need of basics. First fam with 3 kids - thinking of you guys and 3 pregnancies, with one boy same age as A-dub. Second fam has special needs (found via "Little Friends") reminded us of your passion for serving kids of all abilities in your career."

Also, they dropped off a package in our flowerpot with a text message:  "Want to respect your time, but still a sucker for ding-dong ditch (we have a history of this with them) - so check your flower pot outside garage - shiny wrap may attract raccoons or ppl like me." Package contained a beautiful note with a lovely quote I used on the blog to Andrew one day...

The card read... "I heard you say (or write), "I love you to the moon and back" when expressing your love for A-dub. We saw this in the store the other day when we were out. I know the price was more than you would have paid (being a value shopper that I am...) so I told them they need to give me 40% off. He conceded after I agreed to do a Yelp review. I may not be Elite status, but I thought you'd be proud. We love you guys for always as a family. Andrew will always be in our hearts."

This will most certainly be going in Andrew (and siblings') nursery. We love the tribute and are so grateful for such a beautiful piece to share with Andrew in our hearts and hopefully future children in our arms.

Rob, Jonathan, Kim, Kristi, Liz, Alli, Luke: Volunteering time at Feed My Starving Children.

Jim & Kristi, Joel & Kirsten: Opened up their home for homemade cake on Andrew's birthday from 6:30-9:00 for all local friends to come celebrate. Also, they offered a donation to NILMDTS or Faces of Loss. "Here is a picture of the cake we made for Andrew. I had a Tweety Bird cake mold that I'd never used before so that's what we used. Joel did add a bulldozer candle after I took the picture. We sang "Happy Birthday" and then prayed for your family. Also, some people from your small group are coming to our house tonight as they want to eat some of Andrew's cake. We love you all!! Also, this is for Andrew...

Hey little buddy,

I want you to know that we are tearfully celebrating your first earthly and heavenly birthday today. Your friend, Joel, made you a cake with sprinkles in it this morning. He believes that you will be eating cake in heaven, so he wanted to share it with you. We love you and miss you. There are so many things that we'd love to say to you and adventures we'd like to go on with you, but instead we just cry and pray for your family. We pray specifically for your mom and dad, they miss you more than we can imagine. You have amazing parents, but you know that!"

Tim, Danielle, & Kathy: All enjoyed the delicious cake above with Jim, Kristi, Joel, and Kirsten. :)

Andrew's Grandparents (Foster): "We provided Thanksgiving meals to 4 families that would have gone without otherwise... done in honor of our Grandson's birthday. We will also be going out to dinner on Andrew's birthday (this year and every one after this to celebrate Him) and having dessert (I believe that CHOCOLATE is in his DNA having you and Ray as his parents) and so something Chocolate is in order!"

Celebrated with a chocolate & strawberry crepe

 ... and had these ordered from a local Chicagoland bakery for us to celebrate!

...and yes, the Wilson babies (including Andrew) are/will all be that white-skinned. Haha.

Andrew's Grandparents (Wilson): Cards, emails, and love. "Today we will celebrate Andrew... and his wonderful parents. He will continue to be loved by each of us and remembered always." 

...and celebrated with chocolate-chocolate cake!

Gramie & Papa (Andrew's great-grandparents): Beautiful plate made to remember Andrew. Made by the same artist who created our wedding plate.

...and celebrated with Reese's cup pie!

Heather: "I'm thinking of you both and Andrew today. I had some ice cream to celebrate his first birthday."

Tiffany: Sweet email from fellow baby loss mom to Ellie at Ellie's Light. "I’ve been thinking about you guys and hope that you are surviving- it isn’t easy- that’s for sure… I was doing play doh with my nephew last week and we made this Andrew’s Bday… just wanted to send it to you!"

Brooke & David: Card and Donation in Andrew's honor to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital. "Perhaps they are not stars but openings in the heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. Remembering Andrew on December 5th and always." Attending a candelight vigil for their daughter on her birthday (12/6) and leaving a white flower for Andrew.

Caroline & Miles: Donation in Andrew's honor to NILMDTS. "I will cherish them always (pictures of her son), I wish so desperately that I had more - that I took more and that I knew of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. But I am so, SO grateful that so many people in our horrible situations did know about that organization. I'm so grateful that they took beautiful pictures of your beautiful son. So today, for Andrew, I'm making a small donation to NILMDTS. Thankful for the service they provided you and thankful for all the other broken hearts they comfort. Thinking of you and your son today and always."

And a candlelighting:

"I have one lit for Addison and one for your little Andrew. Tomorrow we will light one for Eliza. Please know he's not forgotten. You honor his memory every day and bring him to life in the process. Thank you for sharing him."

Tiffany: "I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of your little boy today and always. My candle is lit next to my little man for him."

Cole & Michelle: "Thinking of you guys today." Celebrating with ice cream sandwiches!

Heidi & William: "Ray & Brandy. Thank you for including us in celebrating Andrew's life. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Cupcakes for Andrew...

 Box reads: "Love you guys. Thinking of you today. :) Celebrating Andrew."

Molly: Candle lit in honor of Andrew and Addison-- both birthed on the same day. "These candles on Hayes' table will be lit in remembrance of you babies today!" Plus, a cupcake. :)

Helen & Ceil: A beautiful bracelet with Andrew's name, made by a local artist in their area. Also, remembering Andrew with co-workers (from Helen) the morning of 12/5... "I know as you face this day know that you are surrounded by love and though Andrew is not with us; he is also surrounded by God and his angels love, too. Since mornings are my most favorite time of the day; I wanted to share that with my co-workers."

Ceil, Alan & Helena: "We are thinking of you guys - Alan, Helena and I said a prayer for Andrew in church this Sunday during the "Sharing of Joys And Sorrows". Today - I completed a kiln load of tiles after school for my seniors who are in the middle of exams....We sell tiles and coffee which help El Porvenir Farmers..... My act of kindness was to my seniors. Helena also thinks of you every lunchtime (Brandy & Helena photo in her lunch box ;-)) I am sure she thought of Andrew's birthday today ......

Ben & Katie: Countless cards, emails, and letters of encouragement leading up to and on Andrew's birthday. "My heart and prayers are with you and Elliot! I had a root beer float for lil Andrew tonight (12/4, her birthday) and for sure will be having more dessert tomorrow!" They also sent over a beautiful bouquet of roses and card. Friends through the blogging world that continue to amaze me with generosity and an outpouring of love and support.

Alli & Tommy: Volunteering with local friends for Feed My Starving Children, my favorite "Andrew" scented and lots of encouragement. {This scent was given to me by family for my birthday in October 2010. I immediately thought it smelled like "baby" and put it in Andrew's nursery. Each time I went in, I smelled this. Now I love the scent as it has so much meaning.}

Jessica: Candle lighting in honor of her sons William & Ethan, Andrew, Addison, Eliza, and Greyson-- all babies who were gone all in the same weekend and all so desperately loved.

Aunt Samantha: Constant love, support, phonecalls, and cards. And of course celebrating with dessert!

Kelly, Jim, Natalie and Adam: A sweet card of heartfelt words... from one baby loss family to another.

Laura Jane: Being the best dang BLM friend on the planet! Also, a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Andrew's birthday.

Lauren & Keith: Love, support and cookies!

Jan: Beautiful card of remembrance & support

Keleen: Addison and Andrew were born on the same day. While celebrating her daughter's one-year anniversary/birthday, they also celebrated Andrew.

Ronnie & Dutch: "Uncle Dutch and I just spoke to Andrew and told him how we wish we could have gotten to know him. We also wished him a happy first birthday and blew out the candle on his cupcake we decorated just for him. We love you both and wish so much you find peace and understanding, especially with the birth of his little brother."

Krista & David Hart: Sweet words via email + celebrated with brownies: "We've been praying for you and thinking about you throughout the day today as you celebrate Andrew's birthday. We enjoyed some yummy brownies in his honor tonight and pray that the Lord will uphold you and comfort you as you miss your son. We miss you and want you to know that we think about you and pray for you often. I know it must be very painful to think of us because our children were supposed to be friends, only a few days apart. You have been an amazing mom to him this year and I know you will be a fantastic mother to this new little one on his way... please know that you are constantly in our hearts and in our prayers."

Solange, Nik & Caity: Celebrated with a cupcake and happy birthday song!

They also took video of their daughter (and Solange) singing Happy Birthday to Andrew. It was totally sweet but I don't want to embarrass them. That, and I have no idea how I'd be able to put that on the blog. Thank you so much, you guys. We love and miss you, too.

Melissa & Madison: Blogging about our precious boy and baking a cake in his honor. "This morning I baked up a batch a chocolate fudge chip bundt cake in honor of Andrew. I frosted half in peanut butter chocolate frosting and the other half in a vanilla butter cream with sprinkles. His mom and dad love dessert and they felt like a great way to honor their son on his birthday would be to enjoy desserts.  I "met" Andrew's mom through blogging.  I have never spoken to her other than commenting on each other's blogs and emailing one other about lots of things... but I've still mourned her losses and celebrated her joys with her. I think about her often... and especially today she is in my thoughts.  I am wishing much happiness in the upcoming months for her. {The star on the sign Madison made comes from the potato print art we did this past weekend}"

Katie & Jeremy: "Just wanted to let you know we were thinking of you guys and Andrew yesterday. We had some yummy caramel brownies in honor of Andrew. :) "

Alison, Nic, Gabrielle, Scotty: "We all picked out whatever ice cream we wanted tonight! Took a little explaining for Gabby to understand what we were "celebrating" but she gets it now. Love you guys!"

Amanda & Brandon: "Just wanted to say I was thinking and praying for you both and your precious Andrew today. My students even said a little prayer to grant you peace and wished him a wonderful earthly and heavenly first birthday. We do the same. Brandon and I love you guys and support you."  


To the countless people who offered to celebrate or show support with love and encouraging words (and let me know) via blog comments or emails that I haven't already mentioned, thank you. So many of you have encouraged and loved us through your words, donations, and support over the past year and we are ever-so-grateful: Amy, Jessica & Jason, Dana, Julie, SG, Lissasue, Rachel, Chrissy, Amelia, Sally, Josh, Alissa, Renel, Natasha, Danielle, Erin, Brian, ASP, Katie, Zooblflt, Uncle Tim, Samiya, Marianne, Becky, Susan, Brianna, Sherri

Wilson candle lighting for Andrew, Addison (12/5), William & Ethan (12/4), and Eliza (12/6).

 Cupcakes for Andrew from the bakery.

 We look like hell since dessert was definitely the hardest part because it's supposed to be the best part of any birthday and we were missing the celebratory guest of honor, but must document the Andrew love.

 We love you, son.

Not totally related to his birthday, but recently we bought these ornaments from an Etsy artist. If you'd like to order from her, you can get 30% off by using this link. She did a wonderful job and was so wonderful in my accommodations to honor our son.

I also bought this necklace from Etsy. I plan to purchase another with Andrew and his new brother's name on it... once I get my act together and reveal the name we've chosen.

Also, we attended our first SHARE remembrance service on December 6, 2010 in honor of all babies gone too soon through pregnancy loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. Since we attended on our friend Brooke & David's anniversary of their sweet daughter Eliza's birth, we hung an ornament in their honor as well. Ornaments from this Etsy artist.

It was an honor to be read as parents to Andrew and to light a candle in his honor and hang ornaments in honor of he and Eliza. We loved hearing Andrew's name spoken in front of a room full of people who understand. It was a bit baby-filled and kid-filled, the service. There were a good 200 people in attendance as I estimate and we talked about how normally the babies would've bothered us, but in this case, we were thankful to see families of {even loud} children because it showed they were able to pick themselves back up and find hope again. Also, they were acknowledging their babies with their live children present and I thought it was a nice tradition and very sweet.Who knows. This might be an annual tradition for us as well. I love the idea of buying a handcrafted ornament for Andrew every year to be hung at the ceremony.

Again, thank you. Quite the post. We're just so thankful for such love. Our little boy continues to shine.