The Anti-Zen Exercise Routine

You know what's not relaxing?

Yoga when your kids are home.

I have a half marathon in a few weeks that I'm not all that excited about running. Back in October when I signed up, I was super trained, pretty fast and feeling great. And I was pumped. I would've ran that sub 2:00 half easily and with zeal. That was 7 months ago. A lot can happen in 7 months.

Winter happened. The longest and most snowy winter Reno has seen in ages. I ran in the wind and cold temps and eventually became bored of it all. And slower. I'm not sure I'm the type to be a long distance runner and I definitely have no desire to ever run a full (though I'm so amazed at my friends who do and love keeping up with them!). The 5-7 mile range is definitely my happy zone. A few weeks ago, my IT band started giving me problems and I'm seriously convinced that runners are always injured. I've had a groin pull and this IT band issue now and I've only been consistently running for a couple years.

For two weeks now, I haven't ran at all. Instead of my long runs, I've been spinning for an hour (bonus, I get to watch TV!) three times a week followed by 20 minutes of abs and stretching and doing 30-60 minutes of yoga the other two weekdays through Amazon Prime. I'm hoping with all this stretching and resting from running that my upcoming half won't be a total disaster. Whatever it is, I will run that race in completion, even if it takes me 25% longer than I was originally trained to run. 13.1 miles are 13.1 miles no matter how long it takes you.

My neighbor even commented on my "abs" the other day that she could allegedly see protruding from my shirt (which I totally doubt because I have open diastasis). From the right angles before eating anything, I can pull off a unicorn ab or two.

But back to the main focus. Practicing yoga that I'm only average at while my kids are building forts around me and traipsing on my mat and periodically yelling at one another really doesn't give me that whole namaste feeling. For reals.

We do yoga together, but you know the attention span of preschoolers-- it's minimal. They start and then stop within a few minutes and then carry on with their chaos.

Maybe this is why all the moms at preschool have gym memberships.

Accident Prone Runner

I've never considered myself clumsy, but apparently running has really done it to me. Over the last six months since joining the gym, I've spent quite a few hours and miles on the treadmill (and then on the streets for more miles). Running is something I've always been able to do with decent endurance and the treadmill is a pretty easy machine to figure out.

I've ran so much lately that lots of my old pants no longer fit and some I wore 10 years ago, including a pair of my running shorts, finally look great! It's not really a loss of weight, because I maintain the same weight now as I did before my kids and between each of them as well. It's my sweet spot, but the rest of my body is looking healthier. It's sort of exciting. Hardly noticeable from the outsider, but my husband and mom have commented. Cool, but not the reason I have been running. But heck yes, I'll take it! I am even starting to get a smidge of ab definition!

But, I'm not 20 anymore and it's obviously showing. A few months after starting regularly running again, I had this random bump appear on the back of my leg that is more of a soft protrusion that really doesn't bother me. I only noticed because I was shaving my legs and felt a bulge. I had an ultrasound on it to rule out a DVT and forgetting the proper diagnosis now, it was a benign issue.

And then my other foot randomly for a few days began to get hot flashes. I loosened the shoelaces up a tad and it hasn't happened since. I think that one was a nerve issue.

And then last Wednesday. My mom was home with the kids and they were distracted, so I figured I'd clock a few miles outside since I had the luxury of a babysitter and didn't have to push the dreaded double stroller of 100 pound resistance around. The kids only remained distracted for a few minutes before realizing I was gone and went #codefreakingred on my mom. And knowing this might occur, I was trying to be speedy and grabbed an old pair of running shoes (big mistake) and laced them up. I was running paths I didn't typically run through the neighborhood and taking some sharp turns. And then I felt it. A kind of burning pull in the groin. The pain has fluctuated between 1 and 4, but never more. It flairs when I run, so I've been taking a break.

Except that 10k on Sunday I signed up for because, DUH. I had to earn that $35 beer at the finish. And I couldn't exactly wear the shirt if I didn't complete the race. Thanks to an awesome PT and a ton of stretching beforehand, I felt almost totally pain free at the start and up to mile 5. I would've upped my speed, but didn't want to stretch things further, so I stayed at a healthy 8:30 pace (thanks to my new watch for telling me). But I did it. And I can't wait for another race. But I can actually. Because I want this to heal.

So I'm cooling my jets and taking some time off running, which is super hard. I've kind of turned it into my "me time" outlet. As much as I adore my little chickens, they can wear on me and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

I've been dabbling at the weights but feel like a total idiot in a weight room. And there's just something about finishing a cardio workout that has me so refreshed.

I dusted off my yoga mat for an intermediate/advanced class with my neighbor friend this morning. Well friends, it was quite evident I've taken quite a few years off since my last yoga class! I was wobbling every which way, but was fairly proud with myself when the instructor commented that I was "in that crane pose like a boss."

Which is good, because I can't touch my toes and I simply don't know how I'll ever get my torso to come that close to the floor. Like ever. And the class was way less zen and way more chatterbox than I would've liked.

This groin thing better figure itself out pretty soon, because while I do enjoy looking like a total idiot in yoga positions (and planning to take another class next week), I really want to clock some more miles on foot.

Fall Color 5k

I've been itching to get out and go for a family race since Claire was born. Of course, she was too little and born during the longest winter ever, so that couldn't happen right away. Now that we're on the verge of another long winter (snow flurries on Saturday, people!), we definitely needed to make it happen.

We signed up for a local 5k along with about 2,000 other people at the Arboretum in the suburbs. It's one of my favorite places in all of Illinois with so much for kids to explore and nature all around you. We went with friends to a concert night for kids there a couple months ago and it was just so great. Here's a little throwback to December 2012 with pudgy Benjamin at the Arboretum. He was just one month older than Claire there. You almost forget you're in the middle of a populated suburb when you're there. Benjamin loves the tree houses and children's garden and all the offerings for little ones. We don't have a membership, but plan to get one next year for Benjamin and Claire to run and play and explore.

The couple who took this photo ran with their Baby Jogger Citi Mini and kept pace with us the entire time weaving through walkers. Claire's snowsuit is a hand-me-down from Benjamin that was a gift... and it's awesome. And blue. :)

The runners with strollers were sandwiched between the runners and walkers. We were essentially behind the people who were determined to "run" and that often ran the first 1/4 mile and then walked. This is a relatively steep run (for Illinois), but the inclines felt good and made it interesting. Aside from the whining from the toddler to pick him up, it was enjoyable and over before we knew it. Not the fastest time (but we're such slow runners anyway), but considering we were dodging walkers left and right and pushing the kids in the double jogger, we were fine with our 34:00 time. It was for fun, after all. It was one of those days I could've just kept running because it felt so good with the 36-degree weather and was just so pretty. We plan to make this race a tradition for our family.

After our race, we had to get Benjamin all ready for his kid's dash! Check out the video on Instagram of Benjamin not in action. He was cranky all morning to begin with, so I expected nothing more, really. Finally Dad went in there and ran with him after all the other kids had dashed on by and then he melted in the middle of the dash. I then ran with him to the end with Claire in my arms. He wasn't the only crier, but anyway.

Much more content painting a pumpkin (for 2 minutes) than running that dash!

We are headed to Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving this year and signed ourselves up for the Turkey Trot that runs us around PNC Park (Pittsburgh Pirates) and over the Robert Clemente Bridge. We'll be running that with "Aunt Mansa" and her boyfriend while the kiddos are back at the hotel with Gramie & Grandpa. Got to find some way to make up for the sizeable amount of Prantl's Bakery Burnt Almond Torte & Primanti Brothers I plan to eat while there!

Operation Cut the Crap. Again.

Saw this card in a cute French store in Savannah.

Yeah no, probably just fat. That's what a bebe (or two) will do to a body. Especially a 30-year (almost) old body. So here we go again... trying to slim down so I can fit into my stinking pants. Currently, this is my plan:

Breastfeed. No news there. It's supposed to just "shed those pounds away" and all that jazz. Well, I still don't fit into those Gap jeans, you guys. I know, it's not been that long. Just chill, right? It's been 8 weeks and there's still a very incredible muffin top just waiting to depress me whenever I try to put those bad boys on. Luckily, I can at least zip them up. I'm about pass out, but anyway.

Box up those maternity clothes. I took of my maternity clothes and put them in the guest closet last night. They are no longer being used/worn/seen in my closet. I refuse to wear them. Which means I'm wearing fat jeans, leggings, yoga pants, skirts, cargo pants with stretchy waist, etc. It forces me to face the reality and find something in my wardrobe to wear.

Run 2x/week. I'd really love to get back into Zumba, but we're already pressed for family time as it is and I absolutely refuse to drop my little kidlet off with the random YMCA nursery. I can't even handle the thought of all those germies. Plus, I've done my reading and I surely don't want intense workouts to dry up my milk supply I worked hard to establish. I know 2 runs a week isn't much, but I can only really do so on the weekends when Ray is home. I just hate going when he gets home because by the time we both get a run in and dinner, it's just about shower and bedtime. That leaves very little socialization time and time for us as a family. I'd take B with me, but he's a bit too small for the jogger and I don't have a seat adapter. He's only a couple months away from that possibility, so I'm not investing in one now. Speaking of strollers, here's our lineup. Let me first preface things with the whole thought that I'm a little cheap. I don't want to buy the most expensive strollers for one child when I know we'll need to buy a double at some point. So for now, here's what we've got for just one kid:

Graco Snugrider Snap Stroller - super light, super easy and super convenient. Paid $25 at the local consignment store and I've put tons of miles on this already and traveled to Savannah with it. NOT jogging material. Brisk walks, sure. Jogging, no.

Britax B-Agile. Amazon purchase for $200 and that's about as expensive as I'm willing to go with one kiddo. It's light, folds up compact, but it's not really jogging material. Again, brisk walking. This will come in handy as our everyday stroller when B is sitting with better head control.

Baby Trend Expedition LX. It's the jogger we have right now. We paid about $45 on Craigslist. B is too small for it still and I refuse to invest in a adapter when he'll be big enough before we know it.

Now, when we have another kid, we'll invest in a much better double/jogger and the adapter for the carseat. This is my pick for when that time comes (not necessarily that color):

BOB double -- yes, I know most of you are super cool and already own this. I'm a little jealous but can't bring myself to buy a single BOB and a double BOB. I do want my children to go to college. ;) And truth be told, my dream double is the Bumbleride Indie Double. Now that's lovely... and a freaking down payment on a house. Hah.

Cutting out sugar. I've decided to take a sweet break. Last year I did this in the spring and worked out like a madwoman. It was incredible and I dropped the pregnancy weight stat-- but what wasn't incredible was the reason I wanted to lose it so stinking quick. This time, I'm just cutting out sweets for a month. We'll see if it lasts longer. I'm on day 6. And don't get me started on the Reese's Eggs I picked up on after Easter clearance at Target for $.09. They're stashed away.

Brisk walks for at least 30min/day. I've been walking pretty regularly with B because it gives us something to do, gets us out in fresh air, allows for some exercise, and it's a good 30 minutes of not having to walk around the house rocking him so he won't cry. He's a little sensitive lately and wants to be moving constantly. As long as I'm keeping up my heart rate, I'm pleased. It gives me 30+ minutes of heart rate elevation a day and without exercising any other way each day, it's all I've got. I'd love to use exercise videos or even the Wii to motivate me, but B is seriously clingy right now and cannot be put down for longer than 10 minutes. It's impossible to get a workout in. I went for a nice walk in the forest preserve with a friend yesterday and took B in the Ergo. It's not as easy as stroller walking, but I was walking fast enough to feel it-- shows just how out of shape I am. I wouldn't do anything more than walking (and even then had to hold Ray's hand because I was afraid to trip) with B's pregnancy and I can tell.

And with that, I'll leave you with my final motivation:

 

Happily Distracted

I have about 5 blog posts just sitting in my drafts right now. Random thoughts that are unfinished lay waiting for me to write more, or as I often do, delete. Sometimes I just need to get what I'm thinking in writing, but what I am thinking is not necessarily appropriate or not formulated into enough of a thought that is worth sharing. Many people read this and I have some face to save since this was a Wilson blog before a Baby Loss blog.

I wrote a lot today. I finished reading one book and ordered two books based entirely from BLM recommendations and reviews. Brooke alone sold me on Resilience by Elizabeth Edwards and so many of you women have now encouraged me to purchase An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination. In true frugal-Brandy style, I purchased both through ShopAtHome (5% back-- so what if it's only about 50 cents!) and from half.com for around 11 bucks, shipped.

This post is a complete brain drain. It's all kinds of random and partly made out of feeling at peace during a week I thought would be very difficult. Many of you know from my former blog posts that my husband is out of town. He flew far, far away to Germany for business and is over halfway through his visit there. Or as we like to say, only three sleeps until he's home! He left last Saturday and will be arriving back home this Saturday. I cannot wait. Since this is the first time he has left the country without me since we began dating in 2006, I was nervous. You all know the whole hyperventilating bit I posted in my last entry. And on the wings of "losing" our son (hate that term, but have a hard time finding anything synonymous), I was downright terrified. The fear hasn't left because he still has to fly back home over that very large ocean on Saturday. And the month isn't over-- he has about 16 total days out of town this month on FOUR round trip airplane flights. Oy vey.

When he's gone, I have learned that in order to function on any level outside of sleeping and sulking all day, I need to be kept busy. Luckily, I have some local friends who know this. I remember telling them in the hospital when they all came to visit just 24 hours after we delivered Andrew that I needed them to keep us busy. This week has proven just that. In time of need, my friends rally! I'm exhausted and feeling content despite missing my husband. I'm not nervous right now because he is on soil. Maybe it's not the same soil I'm on, but at least he's not suspended in the air. Yet.

Here's my schedule while he's gone:

Saturday 4/2: cry hysterically, fondue/face mask/girl fun with 7 friends at my house followed by a few wonderful friends spending the night (in guest beds--needed to clarify so you'd see it was all class, no trash. Haha).
Sunday 4/3: zumba, shopping with a friend, dinner with friends
Monday 4/4: sub w/ booger-pickers (aka pre-k through 1st grade), dinner & Bible study with friends
Tuesday 4/5: another day with the booger-pickers, zumba
Wednesday 4/6: sub middle school, spin class, dinner with a friend at this awesome place (anyone a yelper out there besides me?)
Thursday 4/7: sub 4th grade, zumba, TV night with a friend
Friday 4/8: sub 2nd grade, dinner with friends, watching a sleeping 2-yo (can't use the word babysitting for some reason... argh) for some friends-- aka: date with my laptop.
Saturday 4/9: zumba, probably a Target date with myself (if I could be in love with a store....), pick up my most amazing husband at the airport and squeeze him sooooo tight!

Love the busy schedule, especially when I need it most. I think exercising has no doubt helped my mood and given me a nice release for all the frustrations and sadness I've been feeling... but our zumba membership is almost over. I don't want to grow tired of it, so I won't be signing up for another session. I think it's the perfect winter workout when living in the Arctic like we do here in Chicago. I won't commit to a gym membership but I enjoy the class atmosphere as it gives me something to look forward to as a scheduled event. Anyone in a class they particularly love? I thought about yoga but a friend mentioned that the BLM brain may click on full blast during the slow movement and time for deep thought. Could be more detrimental than beneficial, no?

It's Time to Cut the Crap.

I'm talking about my consumption habits of course.

There are a few goals I'm making as of March 1.

Why not today? Well... because we're going on a cruise before then, so I surely couldn't eliminate the possibility of eating a whole lotta crap on that trip... so March 1 it is.

The reasons for my purge:

• I had a baby. I'm sad he isn't here. It's a distraction and control thing. Change is needed.
• My body looks like I had a baby. 
• I eat too much crap without thinking about what goes into my body.
• We want to try for baby #2 soon and don't want my poor eating habits to affect that process.
• I don't feel good about myself when I eat/drink crap. 
• I feel my best when eating foods that are good for me.
• I am not pleased with how my pants are fitting post pregnancy.

Here's what I'm committing to for at least three solid months {March 1 - June 1}:

1. No soda. I hate drinking my calories. I used to be a Diet Coke addict, but gave up before Andrew was conceived and haven't looked back since. I imagine I've consumed enough aspartame and phenylalanine at this point in my life. I sure do miss a good fountain DC with those little crunchy ice balls, though.
2. No elective sugar/sweets. Naturally occurring in foods/fruits = fine. No cookies, cakes, brownies, dessert. That means no chocolate. I should really be committing to cutting fried things and crackers/chips also, but baby steps people. Maybe that will be the following 3 months.
3. No alcohol. I don't really want it anyway like I thought I did when I was pregnant with Andrew. It's a bunch of unnecessary calories and a depressive. As if I need another reason to be sad.
4. Exercise. I make no major commitments on the frequency of this, but I did just sign up for a Zumba class with my girlfriends! Once it is a consistent 40 degrees outside, I may step it up to walking everyday + adding wii Zumba and real Zumba classes to the regiment. While I'd love to take up running again, I'm nervous how that will affect future pregnancies should I become pregnant in the next 3 months. I ran up until week 27 with Andrew and he's not here now. Of course I doubt that my running habits had anything to do with his demise, but I see my next chance being different in many ways. The things I control (like running... or not running) are included in these changes.

This is not a forever change because I don't believe in stripping myself from ice cream and chocolate for eternity. I've learned all too well that life is too short to cut out all the indulgences. I just want to spend a few months somewhat cleansing my body from processed junk and excess sugar. And... I'll be just in time for ice cream and fair weather in June.

But first, cruise to the Bahamas! Twelve days from today... can't wait!