New Blog Header

My incredible friend Alli changed my header for me a few years ago... but since then I've had two more kids and feel like I look nothing like the girl in the snuggie anymore. I'm sprouting gray hairs, no longer claim to be in my 20s and living a very mom life.

It's also been 3.5 years since Andrew died. While I grieve him openly, freely and often, I don't have as much to say about my grief or how it's changing at this stage. Sure, we have two more kids and we're very busy ensuring they become acceptable members of society, but Andrew is not lost. I think about him every single day. The pain is still very real and the tears still flow.

Just today there was a boy at the playhouse named Andrew. He was three, of course, and spelling his name aloud as he was writing on one of those Magna-Doodle things. Every time he wrote a letter, he would repeat the last ones and describe how it is written. A-N-D ..."tall line and big belly"... A-N-D-R ... "tall line, small belly, and little line" and just kept going on and on. He was so proud that he was sharing his name with everyone in the room.

I could've vomited.

But yes, this post is about the new header. My friend Kari recently wrote a blog post about designing her own blog header and it sort of lit a fire under my behind. I knew I could do it and I've done similar pieces of design before, but never paid much attention to the blog header. Honestly, I was nervous about how to incorporate my whole family and that's why it sat the same for so long. I wanted Andrew represented on here even though I don't write about grief for every post. He's still our son and part of our daily lives and will always be part of our family. We still can't stomach taking professional family photos because of how hard it still is to imagine Andrew not being a part of the pictures.

I didn't want people who visit this blog to assume I've moved on or don't want to share Andrew anymore. It's just never going to be that way. I wanted to represent him in a photo with my other two, but struggled with how to make that happen. I could use a picture of his name in the sand. His urn. A candle with his name. But none of these seemed to be enough to represent that he really was our flesh and blood and really did exist. I have photo proof. Just not any interest in showing them to the masses who would not necessarily find those photos in loving spirit. I protect him and the little bits of him I still have. I just needed people who visited this blog to know that our family lost someone very important and that he will never be shamed or forgotten. That this blog is different than just a mom blog. When writing about my living children, my firstborn is never far from my mind.

With that, the new header. For his fourth birthday, I plan to have Dana pencil sketch his beautiful face. I may switch the header to his sketch eventually, but I really like how this one turned out.

The End of Google Reader...

...and the beginning of Bloglovin'?

Here's to new beginnings. Maybe now I can finally delete old blogs that Google Reader wouldn't let me delete.



Since blogging has sort of gone to the wayside lately due to summer of outside adventure, I thought I'd throw out a list of 10 things happening lately with the Wilsons...

1. Lots of waterpark action. At least 4-5 times a week. We've even sat in the car and waited for a thunderstorm to pass so we could go in.

2. Fresh fruit and grilling. We've only grilled once (last night), but this will hopefully be the beginning of my husband making dinner the deliciousness. In case you're curious, I buy Sunshine burgers which are both vegan, and dairy-free. I think even gluten free! Their main component is sunflower seeds.

3. Short road trips to the beach. We were up at South Haven, MI last week for a day at the beach and it was lovely. Benjamin went from hating the sand in October to absolutely loving it this time. He was eating it and throwing it like it were sprinkles! Not quite as tasty, little lad.

4. Growing boy. My goodness is he growing! He's not the best communicator yet, but I am pretty sure he has at least 5 solid words down. Either that, or he has me totally fooled.

5. The end of good napping. He was showing signs of needing to drop that morning nap (signs being not sleeping during the afternoon one at all), so we've been attempting the transition. What a rough one. No one tells you about how long it takes to get things in order. We're still working on it and no nap has been as good as the ol' 2x 2-hour naps we used to revel in... he must know it's summer.

6. The last couple days have felt like Southern California weather here. It even feels like an ocean breeze... and MAN does that make me happy. Humidity low. No thunderstorms. Cool breeze and temps cool enough to open the windows for fresh air. You Southern Californians cannot take for granted that weather!

7. Outside working. We've been in a constant state of trimming/weeding/making sure our house doesn't get overgrown with plant life and weeds. It's helpful that all B wants is to be outside... so when outside, we take the opportunity to get rid of the excess.

8. No trips! We have no plane tickets booked and only have a short road trip to NY in August on our radar at all this summer. Abnormal behavior for the Wilsons, for sure.

9. Boredom in the kitchen. I still blame things on my toddler. I just cannot get my act together. I'm still cooking, but nothing really new and just the same menu I lean on for easy/regular/solid meals. Nothing to share. Apologies to my fellow foodie friends.

10. Looking forward to the upcoming 4-day weekend! Our town has the coolest festival on the 4th and it rivals any other local festival...we're certain. We took B last year as a very wee little nugget and we're excited to share fireworks with him again this year.

Chi-Town Coca-Cola Blogger Event

I'm not paid to write this. I just want to because I have so many photos from our adventures. My what I learned post will be tomorrow, but currently, I'll just overshare a bunch of photos because I am convinced everyone wants to see them.

And if you don't want to see pictures of me, at least you'll be able to stare at photos of Harley Pasternak and swoon. You're welcome. I may not be Jessica Simpson or Megan Fox, but I did work out with him and it was awesome.

We had a jam packed schedule, as you can see below. I tried to put everything in the order in which we did things-- presentations by dietitians, socializing, one-on-one with dieticians & personal trainers, vision board creations, workout with Harley Pasternak, dinner, Jewel-Osco visit & cooking at The Chopping Block. More info to come tomorrow... but until then...

I'll throw in a few facts along the way... starting with:

Fact 1: This was my first blogger conference of any kind.
Fact 2: I probably drank 20 bottles of Smart Water during the 1.5 days.

Fact 3: I'm not a fan of microphones. Also, why does it look like I have a lazy eye in the below photo?

Fact 4: My mom was the one who initially got me drinking Diet Coke.

Fact 5: I didn't have fish (see sandwich below) until I was well into adulthood. Real fish, not fishsticks, people.

Fact 6: Garrett's Popcorn is legit. When in Chicago, you must eat Garrett's.

Fact 7: This was our first time staying in a hotel in downtown Chicago. The husband & B-man came along for the hotel room & downtown exploring. Also, breastfeeding is challenging if I'm not near B... so they had to come.

Fact 8: This hotel had the best bathroom ever. Large enough to fit 3 Pack 'n' Plays! 

Fact 9: Hotels with large bathrooms or separate rooms are crucial for B to have a separate area to sleep & nap. Otherwise you resort to ultra dark rooms with no ability to watch TV, use the phone, or speak. Sometimes naps can go 2+ hours! That's a long time to sit still in silence.

Fact 10: Harley Pasternak might be attractive. He's also the best-selling author of the 5-Factor Diet.
Fact 11: My husband is also very attractive. #husbandreadstheblog

Fact 12: Boka in Lincoln Park is delicious.
Fact 13: Mom-bloggers can be pretty fun to hang out with.
Fact 14: I had no idea all these bloggers would have business cards. I did not have business cards.
Fact 15: I love prosecco.

Fact 16: That peanut butter ice cream with flourless chocolate cake was crazy-good.
Fact 17: Peanut butter ice cream? Always delicious.

Fact 17: This was the nicest Jewel-Osco I'd ever been to. For those in California, that's Albertson's.
Fact 18: I love grocery shopping. Way more than shopping for clothes.

photo credit bottom left: Kari @ A Grace-Full Life

Fact 19: This was my first cooking school lesson.

Fact 20: While loads of fun, I already knew how to prepare all of what we made... stuffed chicken, haricot vert, fingerling potatoes, cheesecake bites, hummus. But, it was still loads of fun because I love to cook!

Fact 21: That cheese tray? Off the hook.

Fact 22: I hate side-profile shots. But who doesn't?
Fact 23: My friend Solange calls food that should taste amazing but doesn't, bad cheesecake. Like, dessert that isn't worth the calories because it just doesn't taste good enough? Bad cheesecake. We use her terminology now. :)

Fact 24: I was happily the first in line to get food. I learned long ago that as a vegetarian, you eat about half of what others do... so you have to get on the ball quick and load that plate up before it's gone.
Fact 25: We didn't run out of food. In fact, there was far too much of it all. Even with me going back for seconds.

Fact 26: I loved just about every minute of this amazing conference. I might go to the BlogHer blogging conference this year. Any other Chicagoans interested in meeting up there? I'll probably get the expo-only pass, as I would miss B and the husband way too much if I stayed nights as well.

Photo credit for almost all photos above: Coca-Cola & Bruce Powell Photography

Amazing, right? I still can't believe I was invited. It was an absolute blast. Thanks, Coca-Cola!

What a Difference a Year Makes

You already know. But reading this post makes my heart skip a few beats. I'm sure I don't have to do any explaining on that one.

At the very least, I am absolutely thankful to have been pregnant with both of my boys on consecutive Thanksgivings. Little baby kicks are always a great reminder that although life may suck sometimes, it could be worse. There are some diamonds of happiness amidst the gloom and doom it's felt like over the past year. This weekend was definitely evidence of that.

We made it our goal to create a massive list of random things to do around the house that would occupy the four days off we have together this weekend. We weren't planning to get crazy and tear apart more of our basement or paint any more rooms, but we sure did create a good list. We spent much of the actual Thanksgiving day hanging out together. We went for a walk in the local forest preserve, watched some football, and ate some harvest pasta sent over by my SIL. We might make Thanksgiving walks our yearly tradition if it's not icy and completely miserable outside. What's Thanksgiving really about, anyway? I made a homemade pumpkin pie for the very first time and homemade pizzas for dinner. The husband mentioned that he was only sad that he was missing out on pumpkin pie-- hence the creation. I didn't have cloves and I didn't measure the cinnamon because my husband tells me that cinnamon does not need to be measured since "you can never have too much cinnamon". Except it came out tasting like cinnamon pie and not traditional pumpkin pie. How fitting for a non-traditional Thanksgiving. I just want to comment that pre-dating, he thought it would be fun to put cinnamon in my pasta. It was d-i-s-g-u-s-t-i-n-g and I was legitimately annoyed. I've always disagreed with his cinnamon mentality. I think he finally realized you can have too much of a good thing by way of cinnamon in pumpkin pie. I didn't have any moments of what if throughout the day, although now that I type that...

Harvest pasta for lunch...

 CINNAMON pie. But look at that completely homemade (yes, crust too!) pie! I suck at baking, but I was actually impressed with the way this looked.

Taco pizza. While in the Quad Cities last weekend, I saw a taco pizza on a menu and decided I would try my hand at one. It was fine, but nothing to brag about. I guess if I used ground beef it would've been better? But then I wouldn't have eaten any. Here was the before photo.

Here's our standard BBQ chicken/black bean pizza that I love making and we both love eating. Mmm. Definitely our go-to. I've photographed it before on the blog, but it's basically TJ's pizza dough rolled out and topped with BBQ sauce, corn, black beans, shredded chicken, scallions/shallots/onions-- whatever you have on hand or like, mozzarella, and cilantro. The trick to using a pizza stone is something we have finally mastered after years of failure. Heat the pizza stone at a high temp first. Then add the already flattened dough (with a dusting of cornmeal on the bottom) and cook it in the oven for a few minutes (trick from our friend Kristi). Take it out, use a metal spatula to loosen any sticking dough from the stone, top the pizza, then cook. It doesn't stick and the dough comes out fully cooked and amazing! Also, another trick to the TJ's dough. It likes to pull back when you roll it out, so I take it out of the bag and cover it with a light amount of flour. Let it rest for 20 minutes at room temperature. Start to roll out and then let it sit for a minute or two at a time when experiencing too much opposition from the dough. It rolls out after a short break and works amazingly!

Here's the taco pizza after cooking/adding cilantro. They kind of look the same but they're definitely not! I used a refried bean and salsa base, added olives, jalapeno, shredded chicken, more onion, cilantro, cheddar/jack and a drizzling of taco sauce. Forgot the crushed tortilla chips! It was good, but I think we'll be sticking with our standard tortillas for taco fillings and BBQ chicken/black bean pizza for our homemade variety from here on out.

Friday was a fantastically perfect day. Chicago is normally in a deep freeze by this time in the year and Friday was 55 degrees! I know. I can barely contain my own excitement either. We were outside almost the entire day. We deep cleaned the interior of each of our cars, vacuumed, washed, and waxed them. It was a little bittersweet because I remember doing that while I was largely pregnant with Andrew last fall as well. Ugh. Then we swept the deck, tackled the crazy roots on our crabapple tree, picked up sticks in our yard, bagged leaves, and swept the garage of all the residual fall leaves. We also ordered new tires for my car and had Ray's tires rotated. We even called a gutter guy to come clean our very full gutters. He arrived and sat on our roof. Then he left his supplies and disappeared. When he returned, he packed up and said he'd have to come back the next day. Never showed today as it rained all. day. long. Gah. I tried a trick to clean out our oven using only baking soda and water thanks to a friend's pin on pinterest. It worked pretty darn well. We organized and cleaned and basically utilized every chance we had to be outside sans jackets.

No Black Friday this year. We all know how heartbreaking that starter train set was to purchase last year, only to have my son die and deliver him 10 days later. It didn't mean we didn't partake in purchasing some things at ridiculously great prices, but we surely weren't waiting in line at the stores. We finally purchased a ventless gas fireplace for our family room. But don't think we didn't find the best deal around! We purchased three $100 Lowe's gift cards at our local grocery store that was running a promo-- buy $100 in gift cards and get $20 in free groceries at their store! We bought 3... so $60 in free groceries! Also, we used ShopAtHome and got 6% cash back as well for that online purchase. We definitely maximized our savings.

 In addition, I finally pulled the trigger on purchasing my dreamy boots. Shoemall had them on sale for 20% off with free shipping. Then, I paired that with the 18% ShopAtHome was giving me for my purchase and it brought the boots down from $190 to about $125! I know. Sometimes I surprise myself with these amazing deals. No more big Wilson purchases... we've exceeded our limit! But man is our house super nice with that new fire. I can't wait to share what I bought the husband for his 30th birthday! Post to come in a couple weeks...

Today was an excellent day as well... except for the stupid rain. It was nice and warm still, but the rain was relentless. We ran some errands, Ray put together our new fireplace, I graded papers, did laundry, picked up Ray's shoes from this incredibly good cobbler in town that made them look brand-spankin' new, and watched some more football. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I met a lovely lady and her equally wonderful husband {from the blogosphere}? I'd like to credit us on both being bloggers before our lives were turned upside down, but we have a ton in common that includes losing our firstborn babies within a day of one another also. Not exactly how you want to meet people, but thankful for meeting two really great people in person and having that instant understanding only we loss parents have. And they were normal! And stylish! And adorable! I look overly bloated with baby fat (because I am), but she's pretty adorbs. Nothing like hanging out with people that totally get you. We've felt so abnormal for the last year of our lives that it was really great to feel like we actually "fit" with others.

Off to stop neglecting my husband. Oh, and someone asked for my email. If you click on our thumbnail photo on the right-hand side of the blog, it will take you to a page with my contact info or click here. :)

Joining Forces

I tested out Google ads once. You may have noticed... but since they paid pennies and I didn't see an alternate justification for running their ads, I axed them.

Honestly speaking, I'm not blogging to make money. I blog because I'm a writer. I have always loved to write and even made it my entire undergraduate goal to become a journalist. Then I realized that journalists are required to move to the middle-o-nowhere, get paid terrible wages, and work cuh-razy hours.

Also, I wanted a family and children. Well, got pretty lucky with those two things, almost. Instead, I pursued my second passion (...I don't want to hear any of that BS about teaching being a fallback career because I love it. Too bad my heart just isn't in it right now. Can't imagine why.). I knew that the life of a journalist wasn't going to work out for me because although it had the thrill I love about going out to get a story, interviewing, and editing under a time crunch, it didn't have city suburb living/family/husband/vacation anywhere in the same realm. We all have to make concessions... so I guess 25 miles to the big city isn't so bad.

With that said, I love this space. You all know I used to write for family--including myself-- as an online journal. I'm sooo not a scrapbooker, but I love the idea of a chronology of our lives. And if I can connect with other great people and learn a little something and possibly educate others at times, I'm all about the blogosphere. Another reason why this blog isn't private-- I have a degree in Ed. Tech. During my MA program, I met some fantastic people and had some incredible professors that instilled in me this interest to be a part of the collective knowledge we create here on the web. If I can't share my knowledge/thoughts/experiences, I am not contributing to this great body we call the world wide web. I'd like to think of our blogs as an enrichment to the lives of others in addition to our own. I'm a blogger and I read many blogs from all genres. People are so vulnerable and so passionate in their writing-- that's contagious and attractive.

I've decided to join forces. I applied to be part of BlogHer's network of female bloggers. I read a number of blogs from amazing women who are part of the BlogHer network. Be careful, they're incredible... so you may soon find yourself following them, too!

Pioneer Woman -- need I say more? I love this woman and her amazing recipes. She's also an amazing photographer and posts pictures of her cowboy husband's behind sometimes. ;)

Picky Palate --  Not low-fat by any means, but this woman has some incredible baking ideas!

In This Wonderful Life -- Megan lost her firstborn son to a heart disorder. She's now pregnant with boy/girl twins! She's the kind of inspiration I need...

Newlyweds Next Door -- Another wonderful blogger friend who also lost her baby to a heart disorder at nearly 20 weeks. They live right near my parents in Cali. We have many similarities and it's fun watching their story unfold...

There are plenty more, of course, but these are a few of my absolute favorites. These women are all part of the BlogHer network. I'm a bit of a feminist, too, if you hadn't figured that out by my writing style and incessant need to slyly insult my wonderful husband. Here's BlogHer's vision:

Since 2005, BlogHer's mission has been to create opportunities for women who blog to gain exposure, education, community, and economic empowerment.

I love the idea of gaining exposure about stillbirth. No one should be alone in dealing with the grief of losing a baby. No one. I'd like to think I can be a part of that exposure and education to the public and others who may find this blog in the future as they are trudging down the same dreary path. I love the idea of community and the body of knowledge we create collectively--especially as women of loss. I don't think I'm defined much by economic empowerment, but being in the network means I may have a chance to review products and I will be running an ad. A little extra pocket change is nice, but not required. I just love being amongst some of my favorite bloggers and joining forces with such a cool group of chicks. About 2,500 female bloggers and I'm one of them.

Just me, behind my computer... blogging about baby loss, food, friends, traveling, and my fantastic husband, as usual.

Blogger Entertainment

I'm a geek when it comes to blog stats. This blog has been around for over 4 years, but I cannot honestly pinpoint the specific category of what I write about most often. I just attempted to win some freebie Shutterfly cards and they asked if I blog. Then they asked what I specifically blog about. It was multiple choice and I could only choose one category. I chose child loss since that's the latest and most relevant topic at this point in my life.

I've written about all kinds of things in this 4 year span...

• newlywed life
• traveling in the U.S.
• traveling overseas
• recipes/food
• pregnancy
• exercise
• random things we do/like
• grief, death of a child

I initially started blogging to update family as we moved to middle America, also known to us Wilsons as the land sans mountains. How we miss them so. Gradually it's become much more than that. I like it that way. This is a journal of my life. All the highs, all the lows, all the valleys, all the ups, all the downs. No BS.

I try not to blog politics or religion all that much as not to alienate people with different viewpoints. Otherwise I'd go on and on about how I feel about this bin Laden coverage. I respect others of different cultures and religions and don't feel I have the right to judge those of any background. It's not my job. And I generally don't follow people on facebook or blogger who don't follow similar criteria. Poke fun at things, life circumstances, yourself, your husband (okay, maybe that's just me), but respect the beliefs of others.

With that all said... I am always surprised by what posts are read the most on the ol' bloggeroo. My most popular post to date is about our visit to Bucharest, Romania. I guess there isn't a lot of information out there about tourism on the web for this country. That post alone has seen almost 2,200 visitors.

Part of me is so happy that my blog has not been entirely taken over by the sad baby posts. But sure enough, coming in at the #2 spot is the unrefined, but completely raw depiction of my son's birth/death at 860 views. That's 860 very sad people and likely many, many tears. Eventually this will become the most frequently visited post, I predict, because it is so much a part of who we are now. That makes me nervous enough to want to rewrite said post, but I like that it was written with intense tears and anguish. It may not be perfect, but it's the real deal. And if that story helps just one person to understand that they, too, can speak up and out about their grief, it served a positive purpose. I know that countless friends have thanked me for expressing my pain because it gives them some frame of understanding. While I hope they never fully understand (though I hope and yet resent that concurrently) this grief, at least they're getting a glimpse into the heavy realization. Maybe they cherish their own kids a little more. Maybe they acknowledge the loss a friend has experienced. Whatever it may be, I hope those 860 people are able to take from that story a sense of understanding. Even if only in broken pieces.

Coming in at #3 is my post about visiting Ulm & Rothenburg ob der Tauber. Hooray for travel posts still holding popularity. The best time in my life surrounding the worst experience of my life. Oh, the irony.

Of the top most frequently visited posts, 7 are travel, 1 is pregnancy, 1 is about baby sadness, and 1 is random and is hardly the least bit entertaining. It's also the last post I wrote before giving birth to my son. People likely click on it because they wanted to see what came just before the worst tragedy in the history of my life. Written two days before everything crumbled. Actually, it wasn't the last post... but that post was deleted since it was some tribute to funny things kids say to their moms. That was a scheduled post, I remember, to take place on Andrew's birthday. Since nothing can top that date and no blog post is appropriate enough, it was erased.

And the keywords. Oh, these are so fun. Well, most of the time. Here are some keywords people typed into Google that yielded our blog as a result (in which they also clicked on) complete with my commentary:

• beautiful bungee jumpers  Are bungee jumpers ever beautiful? And shouldn't this be an image search?
• picture of a meat shop We visited Spain and I'm assuming I mentioned a meat shop? Also an image search.
• snoop dogg bratislava Okay... what? This yielded any results? And my blog was in that mix? Oh Google, don't fail us.
• recipe sweet corn ravioli cayote cantina One of my fave restaurants in Cali, Coyote Cantina and they have amazing sweet corn ravioli of which I've obviously written about before...
• romanian pancake I ate one of these in Romania. Nothing special, but again with the lack of Romanian posts on the www.
• edward teach grave marker cococay bahamas Hello, random! I think someone was specifically trying to find me but couldn't think of the blog name, so they typed information they *thought* they knew about me?! I get a lot of "windy wilsons", "windy city wilsons" searches through Google. So let me break this down: Edward = hospital we had Andrew. Teach = I'm a teacher. Grave marker = no freaking idea? We have no grave marker anywhere but we do have a dead son. Coco Cay Bahamas = visited there on our cruise in February.
• visit the dentist Then I received a comment from a dentist's office about dental visits. Thanks but no thanks. 
• how much does a masseuse make at massage envy When did I ever talk about pricing? I guess very few bloggers write about that place!?
• do we pray for trivial things? The answer is yes. I think so. But does it hurt, I don't think so.
• I don't like my dentist Don't know what to tell you. They always give me bad news, too. Looking for a support group?
• bermuda, bahama come on pretty mama Ah, Beach Boys.
• 2010 world events and the good that came from them I surely have no clue why I would be speaking about 2010 being a year from anything good happening. It went like this for me: good, good, good, BAD. VERY BAD.
• reasons for a 4-month old to see a dentist Wasn't that sad soul of a person mortified to see my blog and all my crappy sadness when they were innocently trying to find info about their child who likely shared a birth month with my child? Creating awareness just one unsuspecting soul at a time. Carry on with your happy life Mr. or Mrs. Googler.
• flight turbulence April 26, 2011 I wonder if they were on my airplane?         
 

Also, the U.S. leads in visitors followed by Germany, then Canada. Around 50% of you use IE (I am a Firefox supporter), and 18% of you have a Mac-- of which I'm super jealous!

I've Got Friends in Low Places...

...where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away... and I'll be okay...

This whole blogging world is funny. I've come in contact with people who blog near and far that I have so much in common with. It doesn't surprise me much since most people who blog like myself are a. women, and b. Type-A. Since we won't ever shut-up, it's logical that we'll divulge enough of our guts that we'll find something in common with one another. But I didn't think I'd find people who lived in my hometown growing up or the city I met my husband just a few miles down the road... and someone who lives about 5 miles from me in the 'burbs!

I have recently received some emails from blog friends that I've never met. Some thank me for writing about my innermost thoughts (though some are omitted still as I feel my thoughts aren't always world-wide appropriate) and how they also either know what I am facing or just wanted to thank me for being so open that they might understand my brain better. The BLM brain is something pretty funky and messed up, but something I have no choice but to embrace.

I have a few friends I've become pen pals with, but one in particular. I've met a pretty awesome Canadian chick that has become a pretty regular pen pal. She lost her little man, Jack, in early January. We're the same age and have a pretty similar spunk. We don't filter our emails. They're loaded with TMI and it causes our husbands to give us funny looks. Andrew and Jack have probably enough spunk from their mothers that they've found one another in heaven and are causing all kinds of baby chaos.

I just can't help but think that people who aren't even conceived yet may eventually go down this same road. Little girls not even to puberty. Women who are currently pregnant. Women who give birth today to their lifeless babes. It's no-doubt an isolating world to live in amongst the expectations of society to produce perfect little ones; one boy, one girl, and the whole white picket fence {and the irony is that my parents have one boy man, one girl woman, and that actual white picket fence}. Does that skip a generation? Who knows.

As I write, though, I'm really letting out an incredible blast of emotions that well up inside of me all day. To me, reading and writing is my therapy. I like to think of it as a self-led grief therapy group available to me at any time of day/night. It's not a scheduled event that occurs for one hour, once a month. It's when I need it most. It's crucial that I am able to release by writing and see how others are living lives despite their grief. When Andrew died, so many of these strong women were behind their computers, writing. I'm so thankful they did, because it encourages me everyday. And for those women who have yet to experience this terrible feeling of loss, the writing is there for them, too.

I can't imagine a life of baby loss grief without the world-wide-web. I know I'd still be writing unpublished, but I wouldn't be connecting with such great women in the blogosphere who inspire me daily. It's baffling to think about how women handled losing their babies without that release 30 years ago. They were suppressed and hushed. Their babies were not to be spoken about, let alone written about for all the world to read. Maybe we're finally breaking through and celebrating their lives right here as we blog. <3

My friend posted this on her blog and I LOVED it. Had to re-post as an ending thought.

{via}