So Close I Can Almost Taste It

Motherhood, that is.

But we've been here once before and I know better than to allow myself to believe that there is any guarantee in bringing home baby. Like my friend Brooke mentioned in a recent post of hers, we're still wildly hoping Benjamin will be coming home with us.

I've been asked lots of questions lately as we approach baby day (other than questions about my irrelevant due date).

So, are your bags packed?
If you count the ones we had packed for Andrew that are still sitting, untouched upstairs in the nursery, then yes. But otherwise, nope.

Is the nursery ready?
Nope.

Is the laundry done? 
It's been washed since November 2010. It remains clean and again, untouched in drawers and strewn around the nursery. If B does make it home with us alive, I will be re-washing it all. But y'all, baby clothes are small and take very little effort to clean. I have no shame in pulling his laundry out of the dryer and sticking it right on his baby body. But the nursery? The room is a mess. And I cannot, with any fiber in my being, bring myself to touch any of it. Nor do I find any of that important. He won't even be sleeping in there for the first 6+ months of life. We have, in our possession, everything B will need if he comes home with us. It may not be super organized, but I hardly care about any of that.

My husband mentioned to me the other day over dinner that we're getting down to the time where we should really consider "getting things in order" for B-man. But I can't. Here's my mentality: This kid will have everything he needs and will be totally taken care of. I'm being induced (and may very well be having a c-section if this baby who decided to turn breech last week remains that way) and I know my schedule. I highly doubt I'll be going into labor as I'm scheduled to be induced before 38 weeks. Could I? Sure. But I've been in labor before and know that I've got a few hours to "handle" things before heading to the hospital. But again, I highly doubt that'll occur. I'll most likely find the willpower to get my act together and re-pack my hospital bag after my amnio and before I'm admitted. I have way too many hours in between that time anyway and may drive myself nuts without the busywork.

Also, I have a husband who's fully capable of tending to things. And we live 3 miles from the hospital. I'm way less concerned with packing slippers and robes and all that stuff that will make my hospital stay more luxurious. I'm way past caring about all that jazz. My current birth plan is as follows: birth and bring home a live baby. All the rest shall fall into place.

...now... back to book 2 of The Hunger Games.

Gratitude Project: Days 11-20

This has been more challenging than I imagined. My days usually go something like this:
1. Rush in the morning... grab breakfast on-the-go.
2. Work all day (unless it's an NST day in which I am at the doctor's office half-day and then coming home)
3. Get home around 3:30 and start my kick count which lasts anywhere from 3 minutes to 20ish minutes.
4. Rush to grab my camera to capitalize on the last remaining bits of daylight in the middle of winter.
5. Emails and dinner...
6. Husband time and collapse on the couch or in bed, likely with a book in hand.

Here's what I managed to scrape up for the second of three installments:

Day 11: Something Old

This Cloisonné vase given to us by Ray's grandmother in 2010. The picture is of General A.W. Vanaman, Gramie's uncle, approaching Lt. General Rawlings. The vase came from his military travels and Gramie inherited this piece and gave it to us as a family treasure. I wrote a bit more about this when we received the vase.

Day 12: Hands

 Another family piece. Ray's Aunt Ceil is a clay sculptor/artist and teacher. She created a beautiful piece for him of two hands. This is one of the hands that is displayed in our living room.

Day 13: Written Words

An encouragement card from my sister-in-law. She's amazing and seems to know just when I need the extra boost. This month has been super hard.

Day 14: Movement

Wow, I'm really craptastic at these movement shots. In my defense, it was dark out, we had terrible lighting with shadowing everywhere... and I didn't have any ideas.

I also made another one... with an inanimate object and some camera movement instead.

 Day 15: Technology

Ray took the reigns on this one. Weekend assignment.

Day 16: Animals

You all know we aren't really animal people. Well, scratch that. We're not pet people... but love wildlife. Unfortunately I couldn't get a cool shot of animal prints on our deck because the snow was fully melted and it was a challenge trying to find any squirrels or geese that are normally everywhere we go! We were also in Michigan and chose to utilize the lakefront and the copious amounts of birds. I added three here even though I really should've just narrowed down my options.

 If you can't have snow... sand is the next best thing!

 Not too terribly artistic, but the v-formation is something spectacular.

 Day 17: Memories

There are so many ways to go about this day's assignment. I chose a dish full of random shells, rocks and coins we've accrued in our marriage thus far. Surely the collection doesn't include all of our artifacts, but some fun items that come from our many hikes, beach walks, and adventures. The sticker is from Tahiti when we visited the French Polynesia and the islands within (Papetee, Morea, Bora Bora) on our honeymoon. Others are from hikes and various other adventures we've managed to find ourselves on. Being pregnant for nearly 18 of the last 24 months has really made me itch for a good, long hike up a really beautiful mountain. Alas, Illinois is flat as a pancake. The dish was given to us by my MIL-- it's Wendell August. She has lots of WA items and gifted us with a piece around the time we married.

 Day 18: Something New

New Woolrich mittens. My first pair!

 Day 19: Best Friend

That would be my husband.

 Day 20: Seasonal

Actually a "holiday" that doesn't make me all baby-sad. Of course I do get all worked up about making cute little valentines with my children... but it's not like Christmas or anything. Thank goodness that's over.

 Final installment coming February 19.

A Review: The Weird Sisters

Upon reading the initial synopsis of this book, I carried forward cautiously in my interest to read it because of the connection to Shakespeare. The characters often speak in form as the three "weird" sisters were raised by a Shakespearean professor. While well versed and often used as one-liners in the novel, it was not overused as I assumed it would be. That was definitely a big positive. The main plot is that three women find themselves in the midst of their own crises as they all find their way back home in Barnwell, a small town in Ohio. Each one is battling their own beast while "tending" to the needs of their mother, who is undergoing cancer treatment. While never very connected as sisters, they manage to find their ways into one anothers' lives again and rekindle their sisterhood and friendship.

At about the halfway mark, I questioned how invested I was in each of these characters- Bean, Cordy, Rose, the professor father, the ill-stricken mother, and auxiliary characters that help unfold the story. Ultimately, I was swaying on the end of wanting to know more and wanting to continue, though I wouldn't say I was wholeheartedly invested in any of their lives. It's hard to invest yourself in characters that seem to have more flaws than good in them. Each of the three women has a deep-rooted issue that seems to find its way into the family circle throughout the book.

My friend Jen sent me a text message as I was 2/3 through the book and said, "It gets better. It ends well." She was absolutely right. While I can't say I'd want to befriend any of the characters in real life, I was pleased that they saw the err of their ways and came together in the end for good. Each one underwent a transformation of the heart and really started to live.

Would I recommend it? Sure. It's a quick read with an unpredictable plot. Did I enjoy the parts of deception and adultery? Meh. But in the end, life is somewhat resolved and the three "weird" sisters live harmoniously.

I was compensated for this BlogHer Book Club review but all opinions expressed are my own. If you'd like to read more about this book through the BlogHer network, check this out. The real question is... Can you ever get along with your sister?

Goings On

A full calendar is absolutely necessary right now. Otherwise, I might lose my mind. Luckily, I feel quite busy and some nights I can hardly keep my eyes open until a reasonable hour. Photos of our lives for the past few weeks... all totally random.

Remember that ice cream I made for a friend's birthday? It turned out well! There were two recipes. The first one was amazingly easy to make. Literally, two ingredients (+ the two I added for extra fun). Two cups of heavy whipping cream, 1 can sweetened condensed milk, Hershey's dark chocolate, and peanut butter. Amazing. Lots of good reviews and it was less than 30 minutes of my time. The second was more difficult. Half & half, whipping cream, milk, sugar, vanilla, etc. etc. Mix, freeze, blend, freeze.... many times. It was a pain. I also added a crushed dark chocolate bar which was actually quite good. Unfortunately, I didn't blend enough times and it was a bit icy. What it all boils down to is that I'll likely never make my own ice cream again. I think that if I tried again, I would make some killer-amazing blend, but alas... I just don't have the energy for such things.

 We love this deli, Schmaltz. Super delish. They have amazing bagel chips. Love love. One of our favorite joints in the area to eat.

Two weekends ago, we went downtown to the convention center for a Travel Expo and managed to experience a few things... like seeing this camel and the unsuspecting people in my iPhone shot. ;)

Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel was sharing some of her faux pas in traveling and it was fun to listen to what she had to say...

Then we found ourselves downstairs at the Hunting and Outdoorsmen Expo. It was much more exciting than the travel expo, honestly. There was a beer vendor about every 30 feet and lots of strange things to be seen.

 Here's Ray with a slice of cow. He was very excited about this purchase.

And believe it or not... in the same building was a Lululemon warehouse sale! We waited 1.5 hours in line for this bag that I will hopefully be using as a diaper bag. It's so much better than the ones I've seen in stores and was a steal at $49!

This past weekend, we found ourselves bound on the couch reading The Rules of Inheritance (me) and The Hunger Games. The trilogy has officially taken over our house and my fiction-opposing husband devoured Book 1 entirely on Saturday. He'll be starting Book 2 this weekend and I'll jump on and read the first one. We're quite excited for the movie on March 23rd. Also, my review of The Weird Sisters to come later this week along with Installment II of the photography project (which has been such a challenge due to low-light and winter days being quite the drag!).

We also found ourselves on the road about 3 hours away in Michigan. Have I mentioned before (yes) that Michigan is our favorite Midwest state? Not to be confused with our favorite state in the US, but our favorite in the flatter region of this great nation. We spend plenty of our short road trips traveling in and around W. Michigan. Wine tasting, blueberry picking, admiring the coastline.... anyway... this trip had us in South Haven (once again) and further north about 20 miles in Saugatuck. What a charming little city! Ray bought a Groupon for a cute spa-hotel and we were greeted with my favorite Aveda products, an amazing walk-in shower with multiple showerheads, and a bottle of wine (that is currently shelved in kitchen). I love spas. Scrubs, massages, you name it. Just love being in the presence of one as they relax me. Spending the night away is so rejuvenating.

South Haven, MI

Our hotel room in Saugatuck (using the big Nikon lens was very limiting and I obviously could've taken a better shot that didn't include a lazy husband in the background). :)

Pancakes made by a wonderful husband...

 Ice sculptures in South Haven (on a 40-degree day... but these fared better than most being in the shade)...

We ended our weekend with some delicious pizza at a fairly chic little joint in Saugatuck watching the Super Bowl. It was such a great weekend. Unfortunately, it had to end early with our 5 a.m. drive back to Chicagoland for an early work meeting and two OB/MFM appointments yesterday. The work week is in full force.

A is for Andrew and....

 ...is for Benjamin! We've chosen a name for our little love, set to make his appearance soon. But not soon enough of course.

So, the name game.

We generally have an easy time selecting names for our littles as we seem to have the same taste. We love strong, boy names. I'm a teacher, so I'm also all about selecting names that are respectable, yet familiar. We also loved how well Andrew and Benjamin sounded together. They have a special brotherly love ring to them that we wanted to embrace as much as we can-- which is hardly at all considering they'll never come face-to-face. :/

Our intention was not originally to have an "A" name and a "B" name, but that's just how it worked out. And we may just have a "C" name in the works for either gender if we're lucky enough to have a chance at baby #3 in our future. Now we sort of like the A-B-C fashion. Not to confuse A and B with letter grades in school as we don't wish or want for our babies to be compared in any way. We love them both and want(ed) the same greatness in life for them both. Naming Andrew with an "A" was not by any means intentional to show superiority or "first"... it was simply a name we liked. And choosing Benjamin has nothing to do with him being our second child, second son. If this baby were a girl, she would actually have a "C" name, not a "B" name at all. We just happened to love that name as well-- not contingent on the birth order. We don't want Benjamin to live in the shadow of his brother. Like many of my fellow BLM friends have mentioned recently in light of carrying/birthing their subsequent children post-loss, we want them both. They are independently loved.

As for middle names, the deliberating will continue likely until he's born healthy. We just aren't sure. Andrew's middle name is my father-in-law's first name, Steven. We love it and will always love that we chose to name our firstborn after Ray's dad (as I mentioned we promised to use a family name from Ray's side if Andrew were a boy and a family name from my side if Andrew were a girl). However, we're not sure what decision we'll make this go-around. The decision might just be made at crunchtime and won't likely be revealed until this babe is born safe and sound into our arms. We're pretty sure we know the direction we'll choose, but time will tell on the final decision.

In growth news, this babe is quite large and in-charge! He was weighing in at an astronomical 6lb2oz on the ultrasound today. He's in the 75th percentile for his growth at this stage and his head is taking the cake. He and Andrew both seem to carry that big noggin gene. Lucky for the one who gets to birth them, eh? He is currently head-down and there will definitely be an induction happening this month. A lot can change in the course of the next few weeks as we know, but as of right now, a plan is somewhat in place and the induction will officially be put on the books sometime next week when I meet with the delivering OB.

So that's what we have so far... Benjamin Wilson. Another B-Dub will be joining our family. :)