If Only I Wanted to Work as a Medical Assistant...

I spend a lot of my day sitting down. On the couch. In the same spot. Watching TV. Lame, uninteresting TV with equally uninteresting commercials. No cool Budweiser commercials for sure. I could probably spend my time reading the rest of Mockingjay, but for some reason I just don't want to part with Katniss, Peeta or Gale. I'm not ready for it to end, and half the time I'm certain I'll be too tired to retain any of it and just have to repeat the pages I'd just read anyway. No complaints here... just facing the facts. So while I'm watching random repeats of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I'm plagued with commercials about cleaning products, paper plates, and trade school/colleges advertising their Medical Assistant programs.

Who are they advertising to? I have to believe that most stay at home moms aren't just uneducated women looking to get the heck out of their houses and into these random trade schools, right? I mean, women can be intelligent, educated, and just plain see it as a positive experience to be home teaching and raising their children, right? Maybe they're not advertising to stay-at-home-moms or retirees, but those out of work and in need of training, but honestly, how successful can these commercials actually be? I'd be thrilled to know they were successful as we see lots of these medical assistants ourselves...

We're laying low today. Little B has a bit of a fever following his 2-month shots at the doctor today and his cries are much more fierce. Needless to say, I've been doing twice as many feedings and holding a little babe all day as he builds back his energy and motivation. And as usual, doctor visits always yield worrisome results. Whether it be in utero (low scoring NSTs, subchorionic hematoma...) or out in the world (TTN, NICU), we're still getting some bum news here and there. B is growing well, but obviously being 3 weeks early and not being able to breathe very well at birth meant he wasn't eating well and therefore not gaining as much weight early on. He wasn't up to birth weight at 2 weeks. So... we went back for a 1 month checkup. He was at 8lb and past birth weight. Phew. Then, at 2 months (today), he is weighing in at a beautiful 9lb 7.5oz. It's not high when rated on the percentile scale compared to other 2-monthers, but he's not a typical birth story or even at 2 months gestationally... so we're mostly tracking steady growth and that is going well. We'll catch back up with the percentiles for height, weight, and head growth around the 6 month mark.

What I'm not thrilled by are the rest of the concerns that have been brought to our attention. First, he's had herniated tissue in his belly since birth. We noticed, but none of the neonatologists or our other checkups have brought this up as a concern or even a mention, so we assumed it was normal. And may I mention that we are vocal about all the concerns we have regularly, so we really cannot tell unless he's exerting himself in a major way-- like tummy time. This type of hernia usually works itself out by a year and doesn't affect their development, but it's not exactly a wonderful thing to hear about your child. The second concern brought to our attention was a possible hip dysplasia on his right hip. Our doctor has referred us to have an ultrasound on B's hip. He also prefaced this by saying that he's recommended 12 other ultrasounds for other babies in the past for this same issue and none of those children actually had hip dysplasia. Of course it also only occurs in .4% of babies. Rare, wouldn't you know. If hip dysplasia is diagnosed, he will likely be casted or given some kind of brace to keep that hip in place for awhile. We've noticed no pain or movement issues (as a matter of fact, he moves both legs quite a bit!). We'll see what this ultrasound reveals-- that's not a grief trigger at all. Sigh.

While neither are life threatening, he now has about 5 "dings" on his file since birth. TTN, slight murmur at birth (reason for Echo), jaundice that never developed (thankfully), hernia, and now possible hip dysplasia. We're so thankful for B and know that none of those concerns are really major concerns and can all be lived with/curable. But for once I'd love to have a wellness check that yields no issues or concerns. These diagnoses are more painful for mama to hear than anything. I just want desperately to shield him from any concerns. Yet, I don't have much of a choice in the matter... as usual. I also know that this is typical for parenting. I think I'll be worried about him physically and emotionally for the rest of my life. It all comes with the territory. I can't help but think our history of loss has made each "ding" along the way even harder to swallow.

So I sit. Watching television and noticing an insane amount of medical assisting commercials as B sleeps on my lap. It's a cuddle day. He needs his mama and his mama desperately needs him.